grace – Page 3

The God Who is Not!

August 3, 2008 by Chris Field Leave a Comment

What is God to you? How do you come to Him? It may be that you are worshipping a God who does not exist! You may be trying to deal with a God who is Not what you think He is.

I take my case from a favourite text which I have mentioned before, but which tossed to me a refreshing new point of reflection just a few days ago. My text is on the topic of “faith”, which you know is a current theme for me. The text is Hebrews 11:6

“But without faith it is impossible to please him (God): for he that comes to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

I have pointed out often enough before that there are two key elements in our approach to God. We must believe two vital things. We must believe that God “exists”, just as the Bible describes Him. This is what is meant by the words “believe that he is” – that He is Exists.

We must also believe that God is a rewarder of those who seek Him. That is, that He will act on our behalf.

Putting those two thoughts together, we must believe that God CAN do things and that He WILL do things for us.

That much is part of my regular discussion about faith. Now for some fresh thoughts I only noted last weekend. We are to “come to Him”. Not everyone comes to God. So faith puts us in a place of coming to God. If we have no faith in God we will not “come” to Him.

When we come to Him we should have only two thoughts in mind. We should believe that God exists: that He IS who and what the Bible says about Him. And we should believe that He will reward us if we come to Him: that He WILL do things on our behalf.

OK, are you ready? Here’s my question. What is MISSING from that verse?

“But without faith it is impossible to please him (God): for he that comes to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

Many people who think about “coming to God” hesitate because they don’t think He is a “rewarder”, but they think of Him as a judge, rebuker, annoyed parent or angry God. They think of Him being exasperated, reluctant or having to be cajoled or negotiated into some deal or other.

And so they DON’T have faith. Faith is significant because of what it DOESN’T include, just as much as for what it does include. People who don’t have faith don’t come to God, or don’t get any results from their attempts to come to God, because they are trying to approach a God who doesn’t exist.

They are trying to approach an angry potentate who despises them and is ready to knock their heads off. They think about approaching a God who must be bought with promises, negotiated into deals or fooled with flattery.

And so they never come to God! For those who come to God must believe that He is who the Bible says He is, and that He is a REWARDER! They are not to come to God as an angry God. If they do, then they are not coming in Faith! They are not to come to God as some exasperated, disinterested party, who must be conned into helping them. If they do, then they are not coming in Faith!

So, one of the most powerful ways to activate your faith is to come to an assurance that God loves you and plans to do you good. Even when He judges you for your sins, it is not because He despises you and is keen to throw you into hell. He rebukes and deals with you, only in order to see you blessed, because He loves you.

I exhort you to hurry into God’s presence. But be sure you are not approaching a God who is not! Come “boldly to the throne of grace” Hebrews 4:16, because you are confident that God is a Rewarder!

Hurt Spirits Picnic

June 21, 2008 by Chris Field Leave a Comment

How would it be if a bunch of smelly, spiteful, murderous and hateful creatures were having a picnic on your lounge-room floor? How would it be if a bunch of ‘hurt spirits’ regularly turned your home into their picnic ground? Well, that’s what a lot of marriages allow to happen.

I talked before about how Hurt Spirits work in marriages (see: Hurt Spirits Working). The spirit stirs up hurt feelings in one or other of the spouses, prompting them to act out of that hurt. The spouse may be prompted to pout, withdraw, accuse, manipulate, contend, be angry or whatever. As soon as the ‘hurt’ spouse begins to behave like that, especially out of their own hurt feelings, their actions cause hurt in the other spouse. Thus the cycle of hurt is ignited and the relationship is set on a course of destruction and pain.

I believe that this process is epidemic in marriages today and most couples, including Christian couples who should know better, get caught in this ‘device’ of the enemy. We are not supposed to be ignorant concerning the enemy’s devices, but this one seems to have slipped in and caught many couples in the trap of celebrating their pain.

What the hurt spirits want to do is to move in to your home and host picnics in your kitchen, lounge-room, bedrooms and so on. They want to turn your home into a pain-filled picnic-ground where hurt spirits feel completely at home and can celebrate their evil influence over your marriage. The Hurt Spirits want to picnic at your place.

So, let me unpack for you what is really going on. The hurt spirits want to enshrine ‘hurt’ and hurt feelings as the top priority in the home. In a culture that is selfish and self-centred, that is easier than it would be in a godly culture. So, as the West becomes increasingly selfish, hurt spirits have a much easier time picking off the easy targets. There are more hurt spirit picnics these days than at times in the past.

Hurt spirits want to make ‘hurt’ the central theme of your home. So these spirits arouse feelings of hurt in marriages. They remind people that they are being neglected, misunderstood or offended. They point out that their spouse is not being what they wanted them to be. They stir up feelings of offence, frustration, disappointment and so on. As soon as a person buys into the hurt the next stage is to accentuate it until it becomes a central issue for that person, not just a passing feeling.

As the couples begin to fight with each other and hurt each other the stage is set for the home to be polarised by hurt feelings. The couple may withdraw from each other, only heightening the feelings of hurt they each carry. They may play ‘no speaks’, or one or other may become demanding, contentious, angry, resentful, or the like. Before long the unresolved hurt feelings have become king in the home.

No progress seems possible until the huge burden of hurt can be dealt with. Yet the mountain of hurt feelings is SO enormous that it would take a giant person to be able to wade through it all. The marriage may end up just limping on, with both spouses making the most of the good moments and battening down for the stormy times.

Both husband and wife will desperately want their marriage healed, but the hurt spirit will continue to stoke the fires of hurt, frustration, offence, etc, to ensure that the barrier between the couple remains firm.

Now, that’s the enemy’s strategy. Would you like to know the solution? I think it’s remarkably simple and delightfully do-able.

First step toward breaking this cursed cycle is to recognise that it is going on. I explained to a couple recently that their problem is the action of a hurt spirit and they were able to make gains in their relationship from that very night. So, this article needs to be passed on to as many people as you can get it to, so couples recognise what they are really dealing with. For some, that very realisation will be liberating and allow them to move toward forgiveness and healing.

The second step is to dethrone the hurt. Hurt and hurt feelings are not meant to picnic in your home. They are not meant to be on the throne in your heart. They are not meant to have any place in your home or heart at all. If you keep them on the throne, demanding that they be placated, you will stay in slavery to their destructive work.

Much more worthy and noble things should be on the throne in your home and heart. Righteousness and the fear of God should be exalted in your home, not hurt feelings. Humility, submission, grace, love, peace, forgiveness, compassion, hope and joy are much more worthy things for centre stage than hurt can ever be.

As you dethrone hurt you now need to push past it, knocking it to the ground and walking all over it. When a hurt spirit jumps up and says, “You should despise your spouse”, knock that thing to the ground as you step toward your spouse and fulfil your godly calling in their life.

Husbands, press in to love your wife, while she is throwing hurt into your face. Wives, press in to submit to your husband while he is hurling hurt into your heart. Determine that you will be who God has created you to be and you will serve Him, not some dirty demon.

Don’t let the demons picnic at your place. When the hurt spirits turn up with their picnic basket, throw them out. And fall on your knees to worship the true and living God, not some filthy demon who hates you and your marriage. Don’t give in to their goading and their fear-filled stories of what will become of you if you don’t stand up for your rights and fight your spouse. Reject their taunts and the aroused emotions of your heart.

Be who God has made you to be and do what He wants you to do, whether you have hurt feelings or a heart of joy. As soon as you change course to accommodate hurt feelings you have elevated hurt above God and allowed the hurt spirits in with their picnic baskets. If you purpose to do what God asks you do to, no matter whether it is easy or hard or whether you are filled with joy or struggling with pain, you have dedicated your heart and home to God, and fortified it against evil spirits.

It is time to withstand the enemy’s scheme. It is time to resist him to his face. It is time to fight the demons, not our spouse. It is time to so worship God that we do what He asks us to do, despite the hurt feelings our situation prompts within us. Cast your care onto Him, don’t take arms against your spouse.

And let us celebrate the glorious liberty which God gives us as His children. Don’t let that bully who hates you have any place in your heart, home or marriage.

“Lord God, we ask You to empower us with wisdom and insight, to see the enemy’s hand at work and to resist him with all the authority of heaven. Lord, forgive us for elevating hurt feelings when You ask us to elevate forgiveness. Forgive us for fighting with our spouse, instead of fighting with the enemy. Forgive us for pressing on in our own strength, instead of working in Your power. Now, come and deliver us from all evil we pray, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Sovereignty For All? Not Osama?

May 17, 2008 by Chris Field Leave a Comment

Personal sovereignty is the inalienable right we each have to present ourselves before God and to do business directly with Him. Each one of us can approach the God of the universe, the creator of all things, on an equal footing. None of us needs a mediator or interpreter to represent us in that highest of all courts. We represent ourselves, and we do not need to heed the advice of any legal elite or any protocol protectors.
The rights of personal sovereignty are awesome in their unbounded scope. Governments can throw you in prison and hold a gun to your head, demanding that you do not approach God’s throne, and yet, from the stinking depths of a putrid dungeon, with your lips closed, you can lift your heart to God and do business with the maker of all eternity. No tyrant, political power or personal intimidation can deny you your rights before God.
That having been discussed in previous posts, I come now to the ugly thought of the true universality of personal sovereignty. A previous post, The Divine Right of Everyone, pointed out that human-kind has equality before God. One is not “better” or superior to another, based on rank or station. I pointed out that the wealthy property owner, Boaz, ancestor to King David, received a “blessing” from his lowly employees, when, as the Bible teaches, ‘the lesser is blessed by the greater’. Such an action should have represented an insult, but all humans are equal, despite wealth and station, so the lowest can invoke God’s blessing on the greatest among us.
But allow me to take that thought to another level. Even the vilest and most despised people on the planet have the right to personal sovereignty!
Now, I know that to be an offensive thought, because people have told me so. On one occasion I preached about the truly amazing quality of God’s grace. I pointed out that God’s grace is such that if Hitler, Idi Amin, Pol Pot or Osama bin Ladin were to ask for God’s forgiveness and grace, they could have it. I was confronted later by a delegation of people who insisted that God would most certainly NOT forgive such people. Murderers, serial killers and others were deemed by these church-goers to be outside the scope of God’s grace. It was offensive to them that the goodness of God should be allowed anywhere near such people.
Society at large carries a loathing toward certain evil personas. Society at large, being outside God’s grace and not knowing His ways, is keen to function as judge, jury and executioner for some of those evil characters. So the response I faced to my proclamation of God’s awesome grace is not an isolated case. People do not want the incredible divine privileges which God confers to be conferred on us ALL!
The last person to be deemed to be ‘outside the law’ in Australia, was a bushranger named Ned Kelly. He had become so notorious for his actions that all protection provided under the British legal system was withdrawn from him. He was deemed to be an ‘outlaw’. That word, which most of us know from old western movies, is normally taken to simply mean a ‘baddie’. But its legal application is that the person is deemed to be ‘outside the law’ and no longer under the protection of the law. Anyone could kill an outlaw, any time, any place, without legal recrimination.
But, even if the government of the day designates a person to be no longer protected by the civil law that outlawed person still has the full rights of sovereignty to stand before God and make their case.
Do you want a Bible example? Consider Cain, who murdered his brother, Abel. Cain was the first murderer in human history. He had given himself over to serving devilish will, instead of the will of God. God put a special curse on Cain and made him a vagabond. Yet, when Cain made appeal to God, God listened and gave concessions to Cain. See Genesis 4:13-15.
Believe it or not, God is ready to welcome Osama bin Ladin into His presence. Public enemies number #1, #2, #3, etc, all have personal sovereignty. They can yet change their eternal destiny. Until they are in hell they can still step into God’s presence and do business about their soul with the Almighty God.
I don’t know how that affects you or whether you like the idea or not. Personally I think it is fantastic news! I’m absolutely delighted that God does not write me off, even if everyone else on the planet does. I don’t want to stand before mankind, with all the foibles of resentment, unforgiveness, etc that can get in the way. I want the inalienable privilege, which God affords us all as sovereign citizens under heaven, to come to the Living God, just as King David did when he sinned, and to find God’s grace, even if others don’t want me to have it.

Un-Charming Prince – Forgiven

May 10, 2008 by Chris Field 1 Comment

This is yet another instalment in the investigation of how to deal with the ugly reality most marriages confront, of the husband or wife not being what we want them to be. Susan and I have both experienced this in our marriage and I have spoken to many men and women who have their own story to tell of this phenomenon. At some point in most relationships we come to realise that the other person is less than we hoped and thought them to be. They may prove to have qualities far below what we expected.

I believe that the most powerful Repair Mechanism in marriage is forgiveness. So let me tell you about my own experience of having to forgive Susan. When she proved to be a Tainted Cinderella I struggled, but eventually resolved the situation by applying forgiveness. I think this experience will be instructive and helpful.

In the early years of my marriage to Susan, which took place almost 35 years ago, I was surprised to find that she was not the ideal wife I had expected. I did not realise I had specific expectations until they were not fulfilled. I simply thought that Susan would have the same ideas of marriage as me and would naturally do the things I thought she would. I was mistaken. Susan had her own ideas and her own determination to be and do what she thought was best. When I suggested she do things my way or fit in with my expectations she showed that she had no inclination to do so. She could tell me why her ideas were better and why mine should be rejected.

I don’t recall the detail of a lot of this now; since it was three decades ago and we have worked through many things since then. I do know that I found myself so bewildered and hurt by what Susan turned out to be that I would cry silent tears into my pillow. One day at church my pastor prophesied as he prayed for me and he said, on the Lord’s behalf, “I know the tears you shed at night”. That was an amazing prophetic revelation. I had told no-one of my situation and inner pain. I feared for a while that Susan would ask me about the tears. I didn’t want to tell her that she made me cry.

The problem was resolved very simply. I finally realised that I was despising Susan for being ‘Susan’. OK, she wasn’t the person I thought she was. She wasn’t the person I thought I was marrying. But I did marry Susan. Susan was my bride. I was rejecting and despising her for being ‘Susan’, because I wanted her to be someone else. I wanted a warm and devoted wife whose whole focus was to please me. I even coined the term, ‘Country Kitchen Mum’, to describe the idea of a loving woman who made you feel special and who made you the focus of her life. Susan was not a Country Kitchen Mum.

I finally came to the place, without me ever discussing it with Susan, of forgiving her for being ‘Susan’. I told God that I forgave Susan for not being the woman I wanted her to be. I committed myself to be Susan’s husband, to love her unconditionally, even though she was not the bride I thought I was marrying. I guess I felt a bit like Jacob must have felt being married off to a different person to the one he thought he was marrying.

Once I forgave Susan for being Susan something wonderful happened in my heart. It seemed that my fantasy ideas about the ideal wife I wanted Susan to be just evaporated and all the disappointment and hurt feelings I felt evaporated with them. I found myself on a journey of discovery, to build a very real relationship with a very real person; my wife Susan. At first I had been building a fantasy relationship with a person who did not exist. My season of struggle with the Tainted Cinderella was a vital step toward removing the fantasy notions.

Please note that it is possible for the dream to die and for bitterness and resentment to grow instead. If I had not forgiven Susan for being Susan I could have spent the rest of my life resenting Susan for being Susan. So the journey from the Honeymoon Phase to the Happy Reality Phase requires God’s grace, not just realisation. Forgiveness is the very powerful Repair Mechanism in marriage. Never hold back from using it. And the internal transformation you can enjoy will often surprise you.

This is part of a series of posts on the theme of the Un-Charming Prince:

http://chrisfieldblog.com/topical/un-charming-prince
http://chrisfieldblog.com/topical/un-charming-prince-thats-me
http://chrisfieldblog.com/topical/i-kissed-the-frog
http://chrisfieldblog.com/topical/un-charming-prince-forgiven

Un-Charming Prince – That’s Me!

May 5, 2008 by Chris Field 1 Comment

Most husbands and wives come to the sad realisation that their spouse is less than they hoped they would be.

Just a few weeks ago I saw a young bride shaking her head toward her loud-mouth husband who was obviously performing below what she had hoped and expected. I have worked with men who have, similarly, shared how their wife has not been the person they thought she was. I have talked with men and women whose parents and friends tried to warn them about the person they were marrying, but they would not listen.

Eventually, even the giddiest emotional ride or the most determined intention to see only delight in our spouse must yield to the reality that the spouse is made of the same mud as the rest of us. We are each human and therefore imbued with weaknesses and limitations that only the most disciplined and blessed have moved past.

Susan and Me

My Susan made a number of assumptions about me that proved to be disappointments for her. She wrongly assumed that I, being the son of a builder, would be a good handyman, like her dad. My failure to reach this expectation was a sore point for her for years. She bought me handyman books for Christmas, chided me and even went off to do a handyman course of her own in frustration.

Another sore point for Susan was that I was all talk and no action. I was a wonderful dreamer, but not a person who knew how to bring reality to the very things I could conceive. This was more than a frustration for her, as it caused her pain that our economic circumstances could be so much better if I only pursued just one of my dreams.

At the same time I had my own suite of disappointments with Susan. She was more angry and demanding than I ever expected. She also became focused on things important to her and I had to compete for her time and attention. We ended up in more of a battle of wills than I ever expected.

So, I was an Un-Charming Prince and Susan was a Tainted Cinderella. This kind of situation is not uncommon. I suspect it is almost universal. And it is part of the process of the maturation of a relationship, where people learn to love and accept each other, not because the other is ideal or perfect, but in spite of the fact that the other is neither ideal nor perfect.

Needed Keys

The Keys to working through the ugly realisation stage in a relationship are to apply forgiveness and to commit to love the other unconditionally.

I refer to ‘forgiveness’ as the Repair Mechanism for marriage. However, it may also be valuable to put on the table the issues that are challenging each other. This is a tough thing to do without speaking from hurt feelings, desire to change the other, manipulation or the like. Nonetheless it can be very powerful, if done with a good heart.

If you are facing the ugly realities of an Un-Charming Prince or a Tainted Cinderella seek to apply forgiveness, grace and unconditional love. Once you have done that successfully you can look at bringing problems into open discussion, if you need to.

Coming Up

In a future post I will tell you about my own process of dealing with the hurt feelings I had from Susan, when I realised she was not all I expected her to be. It was vital for my own freedom and the development of our relationship. Look for a future post called ‘Un-Charming Prince – Forgiven’.

This post is part of a series on the Un-Charming Prince:

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