I continue to reflect on ways people end up self-focused in life. It seems so natural that those who do it are completely blind to what they are doing and would probably protest vigorously if accused of being self-serving. They may quickly point out all the things they do that are not for themselves.
So let me share a made-up situation to shine a light into how insidious our selfishness can be. We know we are called to have a servant heart toward others. It’s part of loving our neighbour as ourself.
“Serve one another in love” Galatians 5:13
Let’s assume a person has been challenged by their need to serve others. They take that challenge to heart and look for something they can do. They decide they like to cook, so they set out to serve others by cooking for them.
That’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do, since it is what they like doing, but what if the real needs of those around are for comfort? What if the real serving needed is to clean up some terrible messes? What if the people aren’t hungry but are hurting, or need protection or transport, or are too weak to clean their own mess.
The person who has chosen to provide food could quite reasonably say, “I can’t clean terrible messes, because I’m busy serving by cooking. I don’t do cleaning.”
In that situation the person who is ‘serving’ by cooking may in fact be serving self, by doing what they enjoy, rather than serving the needs of others by seeing what is most helpful to them.
They are likely self-focused, not focused on loving those they are attempting to serve. Yet many of us, when we think about serving or blessing others, look to what we like to do, what makes us feel good, what people are likely to acknowledge as positive about us, and so on. There can be a lot of self in such situations.
Let’s take the scenario a bit further. Let’s assume the person who has decided to cook then chooses a recipe because it’s one they’ve always wanted to cook. Even that choice, then, is tinged with self-serving, rather than looking to the needs of those being served. When providing food for people in need there are such considerations as what will be nutritious and suitable to their liking. It is no good providing something they won’t eat or they might react to. The person being served should be the first focus, not the whims of the server.
When a server serves according to their own whims they are serving self, not the ones they should be caring about.
Let’s take that a step further. Suppose the person providing food is challenged that those being served won’t like what they are preparing, and the cook objects by being offended and asserting that the food is delicious and those who reject it don’t deserve to be fed. They might say, “I’d be happy to eat this food any day, and it’s good for you too.” They might even show more of their selfish colours by saying, “I’ve gone to a lot of trouble to make this and if they don’t like it they are being ungrateful. They can just go hungry!”
In that reaction the person who thinks they are ‘serving the people’ reveals that it’s all about them, not those being served. When we react to how others receive us we reveal that we are highly focused on self.
If it is possible to be totally self-serving when we think we are serving others, then how much more of our life is dominated by our focus on self?
Our problem is that we make internal assessments of things, and that allows us to excuse ourselves all the time. The person making the rules can absolve and excuse their own breaches of the law, while being harsh on others. Whoever rules in your home probably sneaks things outside the rules, allowing special privileges for their self while demanding that others follow the rules.
Internally we judge what we do and the way we do it, so we can judge ourselves to be right all the time. Our way always seems ‘right’ to us even when it is leading us to destruction.
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” Proverbs 14:12
To save us from this situation we need an external arbiter, or an external set of rules to follow, that we can’t tamper with. We need someone to lead us to do things we would not do and to do them the right way, not the way we prefer to do it. What we need is a pilot, a coach, a mentor and a shepherd.
“The Lord is my shepherd” Psalm 23:1
“He led out His people like sheep and guided them like a flock in the wilderness.” Psalm 78:52
“Know that the Lord is God: it is he who has made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.” Psalm 100:3
When we humble ourselves and do what God asks of us, His way, we are rescued from our own blinded perceptions and our own selfishness. So that points to the fact that our self-focus is actually pride.
We tend to bristle and react when we are told we are wrong or that our way of doing things needs to be improved. Our pride is offended. So to be able to be free from self we need to humble ourselves and recognise that we are desperately limited and in need of external rescue and support.
God calls us to humble ourselves and He promises grace to those who do.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you” 1Peter 5:6
“God mocks the scornful but gives grace to the humble.” Proverbs 3:34
Friends, I call you to the life of humility before God, and of love and service to others, not to yourself. The Western Culture programs you to serve yourself and have whatever you want when and as you want it. So you are already very good at serving yourself. Your hope, however, is not in Serving Self but in losing your life in service to God. May God give you grace to do that wonderfully.
Chris Field says
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