Have You Been Scandalised?

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One of the sad events of human experience is that of being offended by someone. Many happy friendships and processes have been damaged or destroyed due to people taking offence.

The Bible refers to offences in several places. Solomon points out that a brother who is offended is harder to win back than a fortified city (Prov 18:19). Jesus said that a person is blessed if they resist being offended (Matt 11:6).

The Bible word for “offended” actually means “scandalized” and it has important significance. The “scandalon” which the word refers to is a small stick or similar trip lever for a larger trap. In other words, an offence is a trip-stick. If you don’t respond properly to the offence trigger, a much bigger thing will fall on you and cage you in. That bigger thing is not the offence itself, but your reaction to the offence.

While it is an ugly experience to be offended, let down, hurt, disappointed, discouraged and even outraged by what others do, our reactions are the related process which is even more critical to our life and happiness.

We are not who we are because of what others have done or said to us, but because of how we responded to what they did and said. Our reactions, responses, choices, conclusions, justifications and words are where the REAL IMPACT is.

Jesus made that plain when he spoke about what “comes out of a man” as the thing that DEFILES the man (Mark 7:20). When we react we are ensnared by our chosen response. And that response often comes so naturally to us we do not even think we made a choice. We will even conclude that the offender MADE US react that way. But that is not true. Two people will experience the same offence and yet respond differently. It is not the offence that is at fault, but the heart of the responder.

That does not mean we should seek to offend people. It is a sin to cause a child to sin or lose heart and faith. We will give account for our every word. But remember that Jesus offended people, yet he was sinless. So don’t be too quick to blame the offender when you feel upset.

Your reactions expose YOU, not the offender. Your responses and what comes out of you expose your HEART. And your Heart is the Heart of the Matter. If you become bitter, resentful, unforgiving or if you cut the other person off, reject them from your group of friends, etc, you are not only at fault, you are CAUGHT IN THE TRAP!

You are DEFILED! Despite your self-righteous condemnation of others and your righteous indignation at what they did or represent, you are the one carrying the evil. You are the one with an evil heart.

This truth impacts families, where children feel offended by their parents. It impacts churches where leaders resent members who frustrate them. It impacts society where people set long-term prejudices toward neighbours, bosses and political leaders. A society full of enslaved people is a sad society to be in. A parent, teacher, pastor, leader or friend who is Scandalised will impact you by their bad heart attitude. If you are Scandalised you will offend others and impact society, from your place of being trapped by the offence.

That’s why the HEART is the Heart of the Matter. Your heart, self-righteous and aroused as it may be, is critically important to your on-going life and happiness. If you harbour resentment, unforgiveness, anger, prejudice, hurt, reaction, an offence, or any similar reaction to others your heart has been corrupted. And the evil of your own heart has been exposed by God. God has allowed you the opportunity to reveal what is REALLY in your heart, and you have proven to God that you are evil-hearted.

That is why FORGIVENESS is so powerful. Forgiveness is a choice of the will to over-rule the evil of our heart and to give grace.

That is why a child needs to Give their Heart to their Father – to overcome the heart tendency to resent his failings (and that is how children qualify for the blessings that come on those who honour parents).

That is why God commands a blessing on brothers who dwell in unity – since they each have to overcome the evil of their hearts to do so.

I have observed that many more people are scandalized than I would have thought. Some lovely, Christian people, some godly leaders, and others who I hold in high regard have been tested with offence and have become scandalized. Instead of quickly dealing with their heart responses I have seen people opt for justification of their position. I have seen people break fellowship, cut off others and even begin campaigning against fellow Christians.

None of us is perfect and I am certainly aware of my own vulnerabilities. I present this observation about offences in the hope that at least some will see what is happening in their heart and will step into the light and into the freedom Christ has won for us.

DISCLAIMER: Without detracting from all I have said, I need to point out that there are evil people and that it is appropriate to deal with them appropriately. I am not advocating that we go soft on evil people or that we should forgive every offender and throw away our judicial system or the fear of God. In such cases, however, our response to another person’s evil needs to be based on Righteousness, Truth, the Fear of God, Biblical Standards and God’s Leading. If our heart gets involved, with hatred, resentment, victimization, or all the other evils which an outraged heart could come up with, then we are out of order, even if the other is also evil.

Fathers – The ‘Fallen Hero’ of Your Child’s Heart

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Fathers are the idols of young children. Solomon observed that the “glory of children are their fathers” (Proverbs 17:6). And we readily see this among young children. “My dad is stronger than your dad”, is what other boys said to me when I was just a young lad. I would tell them how strong and clever my dad was, and they would scoff at my claims and make their own counter-claims. Most children start out with a high regard for their daddy. They innocently think highly of him. They expect him to be their hero and they seem to know instinctively that their own identity is established on the strengths of their father.

In time, however, these same children come to the shocking realisation that their hero dad is made of clay. He is not as clever or as worthy of unbridled trust and honour as they once thought. They observe his failings, feel the brunt of his personality, see him demeaned in the eyes of others and otherwise come to realise that he is just another man, possibly less noble than some. This point of realisation, the moment that the dad becomes a “fallen hero’ and ‘fallen idol“, is a critical time for the development of the child. This is the moment when the child will reveal his or her true character and can potentially make some of the greatest personal gains to that point in their life. You see, a child who is carried along in childish naiveté has not had their heart tested. But when they face pain, disappointment and similar challenges their true heart condition can be revealed. Your child’s heart is the most important territory you will ever have responsibility for. When you child faces the shock of their father being a fallen idol, they must make a choice. They can choose to despise their dad and hold resentment in their heart. They can choose to become self-reliant and independent, or even angry and violent. Alternatively, with godly parental guidance, the child can face the unhappy reality of human imperfection and choose to honour and love their dad, despite his weaknesses and limitations.

When your child is young and innocent they will readily give you their heart. But at some time in the future they may well come to withdraw their heart from you. That’s when the calling which Solomon describes becomes most powerful. “My son, give me your heart” (Proverbs 23:26) is not the request we make of our little children. It is the request we make of those older children who have been offended by our weakness, disappointed by our humanness, hurt by our failure to be all they want us to be.

And that’s the moment of incredible opportunity for your child. If your child can and will obey God, choosing to honour you, and give you their heart, despite the unhappy feelings you invoke within them, then your child has stepped into a powerful place of maturity and wisdom. They inherit the blessings of God. They qualify to be godly seed. Dad’s, the discouragement your children feel through you is not just a part of growing up, it is a crucial cross-roads in their heart. Mums and dads, watch for this moment and shepherd your child through it. Fathers, don’t be afraid of being the fallen idol in your child’s heart – but do have wisdom about how you direct your child through that challenging season.

Restoring Ministries

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Do you know of pastors who are out of ministry? It is not uncommon in big churches to find a few former ministry people. I believe God wants to reactivate some of those ministers, back to the calling on their life. Many of them still carry their ministry burden, but have moved out of ministry for one reason or another. Once out of the saddle they find it hard to get going again.

There are two allegories for this situation, which I will discuss in future postings. One is that of “Gates” and the other is that of “Wells”. I believe God has raised up men and women to be both gates and wells within His Kingdom. Just as Gates can be bricked in and closed, and just as wells can be plugged up, people with ministry calling can find themselves unable to do what they were once called to do.

It is a time of RESTORING MINISTRIES, releasing men and women of God to be Open Doors and Flowing Rivers of Life, instead of bricked up gates and stopped wells.

If you know someone who is away from their ministry calling please join with me in praying that God restore their ministry and put them back into effective Ministry for God’s glory.