Do you know what kindness is?
Has anyone ever been kind to you?
Are you a kind person?
I was introduced to the word ‘kindness’ recently when someone commented that I had been kind. I had never actually thought about being ‘kind’ before, so I was prompted to reflect on what I knew about this form of behaviour that we are instructed to do in the Bible.
“Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as God forgave you in Christ.” Ephesians 4:32
“As the elect of God, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Colossians 3:12
“Finally, all of you, be likeminded and sympathetic, love as brothers, be tenderhearted and humble.” 1Peter 3:8
If someone said to another, “You have been so kind”, what would you expect to have prompted that statement? What does kindness actually look like?
I realised, as I reflected on it, that being generous can be an expression of kindness. If a shopkeeper always discounts their goods for needy people then you could say they were being kind. But generosity is generosity, and kindness is kindness, so there must be a distinction.
Maybe being kind is being thoughtful. Maybe it’s being considerate. Maybe it’s taking care of others, or at least looking out for them.
The Bible tells us that kindness is an expression of love. In 1Corinthians 13, the famous passage on love, kindness is listed among the many aspects of what love is.
“Love is patient, love is kind.” 1Corinthians 13:4
So we can at least recognise that kindness expresses love to others, as does being patient with them, or not holding a grudge against them. And it involves having a soft heart toward others. That’s why the word ‘tenderhearted’ is listed along with kindness in several places.
Maybe another way to understand kindness is to consider what is not kind. When a person is selfish they will tend to ignore or discount others around them. Their own needs and wants will be put first. So they will be unkind and even hurtful.
When a person is angry or otherwise has hardness in their heart they won’t care what hurt they cause by their actions or words. They will tend to be brash and forceful, trampling on the feelings and will of others in their own sense of rage.
When a person is snared by fears, depression, grief or the like, they will be swamped and end up totally absorbed with their own thoughts and feelings and not be able to give thought and consideration for the situation and feelings of others. Often people who are trapped like that are a great burden to those who care about them, but they don’t seem to be able to help that.
The Bible talks about people having a heart of stone. This is the selfish person or the person caught up in their own world and their own feelings, such as anger, frustration or unbelief. Their heart has lost the tender sensitivity toward God and others.
“They made their hearts diamond-hard lest they should hear the law and the words that the Lord of hosts sent by his Spirit” Zechariah 7:12
“I will give them a united heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh” Ezekiel 11:19
“I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26,27
When I was told I had been kind I was surprised. I hadn’t tried to be kind. Kindness is not a word or action I think about. However, I had been considerate of others, and I had wanted them to be blessed. I guess, I was probably showing others an expression of ‘love’. I also realised I have learned over the years not to be so brash and opinionated, and to give room for others to speak. I have finally begun to notice the person in a group who is feeling a little disconnected or uncertain, and to want to help them fit in better.
I am ashamed to think of my loud, forceful days when I thought everyone should hear my opinion and I didn’t care for those who struggled to fit in. So maybe I have become a little kinder.
However, now that the word has been put in my mind more clearly, I realise that I, like you, have been commanded to be kind. So it’s not just something we hope to get better at, but something we must put as a high priority in our lives.
So, in closing, let me speak into your life and remind you that, as Christ’s disciple and as a child of the Living God, you must now stop being selfish and self-absorbed, and lift up your eyes to consider those God has put around you. If you can’t do anything else, at least, with God’s help, do your best to Be Kind.