Choosing a Source

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In previous discussions I raised the issue of who we look to as our source. I can’t get past how important this issue is so my mind has thrown up various illustrations to tease it out. What else should I do with something like that, but to Blog It! So now I can foist it onto you. I pray these thought bring truth alive in your own experience.

I once read of a thriving Christian ministry which relied on hundreds of faithful back office people to process mail, take bookings and so on. A large team of ladies came in each day, often having to work back very late, struggling to get things processed, especially before a big event.

Because these were volunteers they were never remunerated or rewarded for their dedicated service. It was their choice to become servants of the ministry, whatever their personal motivation may have been. Some adored the main ministry people. Others believed that God wanted them to give their time and talents to serve that ministry. Some others were pressed by the need itself to come in and tackle the overwhelming mountain of paperwork, etc.

Now, in the case I am thinking of, the ministry came to an end, with the death of one of the leaders. Sadly the assets of the ministry were grabbed by some people who came on the scene at a late hour. Those new controllers of the ministry used the assets for their own benefit. The hundreds of faithful helpers were given nothing, despite their years of sacrificial investment into making the ministry successful.

But for the purpose of my illustration, let’s imagine that some of the ladies were kept on for another year, maybe because computerisation made it possible to function with less staff. Then, as the ministry closed, the small group who were retained were given a parting gift, say $1,000 each, for helping the ministry.

What we have now is a perfect environment for people’s hearts to be sorely tested. A sense of injustice is created. Some people will quickly become offended and resentful, even on behalf of others when they were not personally involved themselves.

Now, I’m getting close to my starting point – so stay with me. Imagine two ladies who worked together over the years and both made huge personal sacrifices to support the ministry through its most needy seasons. They are sent off with many others as the ministry is winding down. Then, a year later they both learn that the few who were kept on have just been paid several thousand dollars for their voluntary services. How do these two ladies react?

One is upset and joins with others who voice complaint to the ministry. They demand that they, too, be given something for their sacrificial input over the years. When nothing is given them, the lady becomes bitter and resentful. She stops going to her church, because her minister fails to understand her right to be upset. For the rest of her life she never again makes any contribution to a Christian ministry. She brings up her offence everywhere she goes, even to people for whom the whole thing means nothing.

The other lady quietly gets on with her life. She turns down her friend’s persistent calls to join in legal action against the ministry. She never speaks about the compensation issue, but does often speak about what a joy it has been to serve the ministry. She occasionally meets people who were touched by the ministry and she always enjoys those encounters.

When she is asked to explain why she is not bitter like many others she worked with, she simply explains that her service was for the Lord. He is her master. She never expected any reward and that gave her the joy of giving up hours and even years of her life as a gift to Him. If she were to now seek compensation she would lose the joy of having given herself to God in loving service. She would also be putting a cheap dollar value on her life and her time. She explains that she would much rather receive eternal rewards of immeasurable worth, than a few measly dollars here on earth.

By that heart attitude this woman is choosing her source to be God. Her friend chose human institutions as her source. When we look to man to meet our needs, to compensate us or to give us value, we miss the wonderful delight of being given value by God, Himself.

I am endorsed by God. I am His servant. He pays my bills. He provides my right to minister. If He needs me to minister into some context where I do not have the privilege of entry, then that is His problem. If He wants me to get a certain qualification or endorsement, then I will do it as an act of worship to Him.

Every time you are tempted to complain that man has not done for you what you hoped or expected them to do, take a moment to consider whether you are not selling yourself short and making man your highest reference point. If you choose to trust yourself to God, instead, then you can receive from God things that no man will ever be able to give you.

Cursed by Our Choices

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You and I are impacted by the choices we make and by the choices we have made. This simple truth is so important that I teach on how we are Cursed by Our Choices. The choices we make can reverberate through our entire life.

Let me explain a simple example. Imagine a child who is bullied at school each day. At first he complains to his parents and teachers, but he soon realises that they are not able to resolve the problem and they want him to somehow get on with life without their help. As the problem persists the child will eventually be forced to make a choice. And that choice may well curse them for the rest of their life.

You see, what we choose to do in response to a problem is far more significant than the initiating problem itself. Now, that statement flies in the face of pop-psychology and our cultural mindset today. But before you write me off take a few moments to think the issue through, and to see what the Bible has to say on the subject. Follow me a bit further and see if the scenario I am about to describe for you isn’t pretty close to what often happens.

Let me assume that the boy gets fed up with being bullied and decides to be ready for the bully, to go after him and to try his hardest to make the bully feel some pain. The boy has chosen to ‘fight’! He may not be good at it at first, but as he flails his arms and does his best to inflict pain he is coming under a curse for the choice he has made. It is highly likely that in the decades that ensue he will find himself responding to pressure situations with a strong impulse to lash out.

Alternatively let me assume the boy decides to being a crying, whining sulk. He may decide to lie on the dirt, crying until some authority figure comes along and takes some responsbility for him and his situation. Once he has made that his choice he will likely spend the rest of his life under its power. When he is under pressure he will tend to head into self-pity and seek a welfare solution, where others take responsibility for him.

Yet again, what if he chose to become hyper-protective, distrusting and cagey, to ensure that no-one hurts him again? This too will lead to a curse. For the rest of his life, especially under pressure, he will slip into a self-protective mode of behaviour.

Many people today, maybe you included, are living out patterns of behaviour they chose when they were in primary school. They are still Cursed by their Choices! Now, if it’s true in life it should be accounted for in the Bible. So let me show you a verse from the Bible which says that how we respond is more important than the stimuli that prompted that response.

Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart diligently, because the issues of life come out of it“. Note that the issues of life are not how you are treated, what people said to you, who neglected or abused you, or how deprived your childhood was. The issues of life come OUT  of you, not into you. They come from within you. They come out of your heart. (Oops – I’m back on the heart again, aren’t I?)

When you make a choice about how you will respond, even unconsciously, you bring a curse on yourself. The issue is not who did what to you, but what came out of your heart in response. Keep this in mind, because I’m sure to want to chew on this point with you further in time.

It’s MY Baby

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Here’s an important realization that I worked through which proved helpful for me as a dad.

Susan and I raised five sons before adding two more children to our family. The gap between son number five and child number six was fourteen years. Our “baby of the family” was a teenager when our first daughter was born. Over two years later our seventh child (our sixth son) was born.

For several years looking after the new babies in the family was made easier by the input of our older sons. Those boys learned how to bath a baby, how to clean a baby’s dirty bottom, and so on. The workload was shared around seven people.

Gradually, however, the older sons become less available, as they married off, found employment and so on. The ready helpers evaporated and an increased workload fell to Susan and me.

That’s where my own maturity had to take yet another step forward.

I found myself feeling miffed that I didn’t have the help I had become accustomed to. I found myself irritated when my plans had to be adjusted to accommodate the demands of the young children. I seemed to think that someone else should be feeling the impact of these children and not me. I had important things to do, places to go, plays to pursue.

Then it hit me! I realized one day, as the baby needed attention and there was no-one else to delegate the job to, that “It’s MY baby!” That tender young life in need of care, attention, love and affection was in my home, on the planet, because of choices made by ME, not someone else. This baby was not someone else’s responsibility. My daughter and son were not someone else’s problem, nor someone else’s distraction. They are MY children, born to me as a direct consequence of my actions, according to my hopes and dreams. Even if they had not been wanted, and they certainly were wanted and planned for, I would still have to accept full and final responsibility for them.

Coming to that realization was a wonderful release for me. I stood to my feet and headed in the direction of the crying child, with new resolve and with new energy to meet the challenges. The tiny voice was calling for Me, from My child. I found it easy then to release my sons to move off into the things for which they had been raised and prepared. I released them from being the caregivers for my baby. I released them from having to be “on duty”, with their lives on hold.

Have You Been Scandalised?

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One of the sad events of human experience is that of being offended by someone. Many happy friendships and processes have been damaged or destroyed due to people taking offence.

The Bible refers to offences in several places. Solomon points out that a brother who is offended is harder to win back than a fortified city (Prov 18:19). Jesus said that a person is blessed if they resist being offended (Matt 11:6).

The Bible word for “offended” actually means “scandalized” and it has important significance. The “scandalon” which the word refers to is a small stick or similar trip lever for a larger trap. In other words, an offence is a trip-stick. If you don’t respond properly to the offence trigger, a much bigger thing will fall on you and cage you in. That bigger thing is not the offence itself, but your reaction to the offence.

While it is an ugly experience to be offended, let down, hurt, disappointed, discouraged and even outraged by what others do, our reactions are the related process which is even more critical to our life and happiness.

We are not who we are because of what others have done or said to us, but because of how we responded to what they did and said. Our reactions, responses, choices, conclusions, justifications and words are where the REAL IMPACT is.

Jesus made that plain when he spoke about what “comes out of a man” as the thing that DEFILES the man (Mark 7:20). When we react we are ensnared by our chosen response. And that response often comes so naturally to us we do not even think we made a choice. We will even conclude that the offender MADE US react that way. But that is not true. Two people will experience the same offence and yet respond differently. It is not the offence that is at fault, but the heart of the responder.

That does not mean we should seek to offend people. It is a sin to cause a child to sin or lose heart and faith. We will give account for our every word. But remember that Jesus offended people, yet he was sinless. So don’t be too quick to blame the offender when you feel upset.

Your reactions expose YOU, not the offender. Your responses and what comes out of you expose your HEART. And your Heart is the Heart of the Matter. If you become bitter, resentful, unforgiving or if you cut the other person off, reject them from your group of friends, etc, you are not only at fault, you are CAUGHT IN THE TRAP!

You are DEFILED! Despite your self-righteous condemnation of others and your righteous indignation at what they did or represent, you are the one carrying the evil. You are the one with an evil heart.

This truth impacts families, where children feel offended by their parents. It impacts churches where leaders resent members who frustrate them. It impacts society where people set long-term prejudices toward neighbours, bosses and political leaders. A society full of enslaved people is a sad society to be in. A parent, teacher, pastor, leader or friend who is Scandalised will impact you by their bad heart attitude. If you are Scandalised you will offend others and impact society, from your place of being trapped by the offence.

That’s why the HEART is the Heart of the Matter. Your heart, self-righteous and aroused as it may be, is critically important to your on-going life and happiness. If you harbour resentment, unforgiveness, anger, prejudice, hurt, reaction, an offence, or any similar reaction to others your heart has been corrupted. And the evil of your own heart has been exposed by God. God has allowed you the opportunity to reveal what is REALLY in your heart, and you have proven to God that you are evil-hearted.

That is why FORGIVENESS is so powerful. Forgiveness is a choice of the will to over-rule the evil of our heart and to give grace.

That is why a child needs to Give their Heart to their Father – to overcome the heart tendency to resent his failings (and that is how children qualify for the blessings that come on those who honour parents).

That is why God commands a blessing on brothers who dwell in unity – since they each have to overcome the evil of their hearts to do so.

I have observed that many more people are scandalized than I would have thought. Some lovely, Christian people, some godly leaders, and others who I hold in high regard have been tested with offence and have become scandalized. Instead of quickly dealing with their heart responses I have seen people opt for justification of their position. I have seen people break fellowship, cut off others and even begin campaigning against fellow Christians.

None of us is perfect and I am certainly aware of my own vulnerabilities. I present this observation about offences in the hope that at least some will see what is happening in their heart and will step into the light and into the freedom Christ has won for us.

DISCLAIMER: Without detracting from all I have said, I need to point out that there are evil people and that it is appropriate to deal with them appropriately. I am not advocating that we go soft on evil people or that we should forgive every offender and throw away our judicial system or the fear of God. In such cases, however, our response to another person’s evil needs to be based on Righteousness, Truth, the Fear of God, Biblical Standards and God’s Leading. If our heart gets involved, with hatred, resentment, victimization, or all the other evils which an outraged heart could come up with, then we are out of order, even if the other is also evil.