Don’t get all worked up about something if you are not going to do something to resolve it. The advice you need if you have become one of those who rave on about things is, “Get over it!”
I opened this subject in a previous article titled “Get Over It”, and now I am elaborating on the theme, to make it more practically applicable to everyday life. To best understand what I am explaining here, be sure to read that first article.
Good truth is truth that works in everyday life. You know you have conquered something when you can live it out in the home. Your marriage and family are the testing ground for all your theories. If you think you’ve changed, but still act the same at home, then you are deluding yourself. So I’m now focusing the need to “Get over it!” on the home.
People get worked up about things that have stung them or found a weakness in them at heart level. We know the matter is anchored in the heart because Jesus Christ explained that what comes out of us originates in our heart.
“O generation of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matthew 12:34
What spills out of your lips and directs your attitudes, body language, tone of voice and so on, has its origins in your heart. If you are all worked up about something, then it is your heart that is really worked up.
Your heart harbours such things as jealousy, lust, pride, bitterness, shame, pain and so on. It is these conditions in our heart that prompt us to become preoccupied about things that happen around us. If a person is stuck on something, you can be sure that they have an issue in their heart that has caused that connection and reaction.
What you need to do is recognise that raving, complaining, endlessly rehearsing something, entertaining your fears, talking about something incessantly, or being totally distracted by something that is bothering you declares that your heart needs to be sorted out.
You need spiritual ‘heart surgery’. You need to resolve those things that stir you up, agitate you, distract you, make you afraid, and so on.
However, most people who get sucked into the vortex of some obsessive thought pattern, making them rave on, or be totally absorbed by something or other, do not immediately realise that they have a ‘heart’ issue to resolve. They tend to think that some person, action, situation, prospect, hope, or whatever, is the real issue.
King Solomon, in all his wisdom, identified the heart as the real culprit in our lives, 3,000 years ago. He advised that the real issues of our life spring from our heart, not circumstances, people, experiences, fears, etc.
“Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it (the heart) are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23
That thing that is distracting you, pulling your attention back to it all the time, is anchored in something inside your heart. Even though some person has done wrong, or some situation has developed, or something was said, or you went through something or other, the real issue is still inside your heart.
Many people go through terrible things and come out without being distracted, absorbed, devastated, and so on. Whatever the source of their resilience, what has happened for them is that their experience did not get hooked in their heart.
If you have gone through things and been buried in reactions, attitudes, fears, distractions, or the like, then your heart has not handled the things as successfully as you need it to. All the issues of your life are ‘heart issues’.
I pointed out in my first Get Over It article that you can test yourself with the question “Will you fix it?” If you don’t intend to do something about the problem or issue that has your focus then you will just have to get over it.
If you can’t fix it, such as because it is outside your scope of ability or authority, then you have no alternative but to ‘get over it’. You need to come to terms with your challenges and get on with life. You will do that most successfully with God’s grace helping you. Ask God for His grace to carry you through the challenging situations.
If you can fix it and won’t, then you have lost the right to complain or be preoccupied with it. If your pride or fear gets in the way, then you have stepped back from action. So, “Get over it!” You are now where you are because you have chosen to be there. Now, get on with life.
If you are not going to do something, then that decision exposes something more about your heart. You have a personal obstacle, such as pride, insecurity, unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, fear of people’s opinions, or any of a range of other possibilities. You need to get spiritual heart surgery on that thing you have just discovered in your chest.
To put a practical edge on this, let’s consider a husband who is lazier than his wife wants him to be. She can be exasperated with him, complaining to him and about him, belittling him to others, trying to manipulate him and feeling sorry for herself because he keeps disappointing her.
The best thing the wife can do is “Get over it!”
So, let’s ask the question, “Will you fix it?” She might answer, “I’m trying to!” Her nagging and complaining may be her attempt to change him. But a few months of poor response should alert her to the fact that her complaints don’t work. If she is still nagging him after a few months, then she is losing the plot and failing to see the reality of her marriage situation.
In the case of a lazy husband the wife does not have authority to change her husband. She also probably does not have the ability to do so. So, she can exhaust herself and frustrate her husband by her continued attempts, such as nagging, but that will only damage the relationship. Alternatively she can “Get over it!”
She can hand over her disappointment to God. She can release her husband from expectations that he will be a diligent and energetic man in her life. She can recognise that she is his helper, not him her servant. She can scale down her expectations to accommodate what he is able and willing to do. She can focus on the positives in the relationship, rather than her frustrations.
But, to do those things she will need spiritual heart surgery. She will have to let God change her attitudes and resolve her inner thoughts and feelings. That will take God’s grace.
In a case where a father is disappointed in his child because the child doesn’t meet his expectations he too has to “Get over it!” Let’s assume that a child doesn’t have the sporting, academic and personality qualities which the dad always imagined his children would have.
If we ask the dad, “Will you fix it?” he would probably say that he has tried everything he knows to do, but the kid just doesn’t come up to his expectations. If it is a matter of training and discipline then the dad has to accept responsibility for the outcome, and repent before God, asking for God’s grace and guidance to correct the situation.
If it’s a matter of natural ability, personality and interests, then the dad cannot make the difference he might want to see and so he has to come to terms with who and what the child is. The dad has to give his hopes and expectations to God. In his heart he has to forgive the child for being different to what he wanted. He has to learn how to love the child for who the child is, helping his child become the best fulfilment of who God created them to be, even if that is not what the dad wanted in a child.
If he won’t do that he will end up projecting rejection into his child. The child needs to be loved and cherished by a father who accepts them for who they are and helps them become the person God wants them to be.
You have the power to experience change. If a situation needs to be fixed and you can fix it, then stop complaining and get about the business of making a difference.
If a situation cannot be changed, or at least you don’t have the power or authority to do so, then “Get over it!” Get on with life, by experiencing change in your heart. You have the power to experience change on the inside, by bringing your heart issues to God. Let Him deal with your frustrations, fears, pride, shame, anger, unforgiveness, or whatever. Then, even if a less than happy situation exists which you cannot change, you will still be able to get on with life and be free from distraction and debilitation.
So, let me share with you some profound advice for your situation…. “Get over it!”