I caught up with a young Uni student recently to discuss difficulties he faced in a share house with other students. He had moved to the city from up country and this was his first time out of home, having to manage his own life without minders.
Over several months he managed to make an enemy of the person in the room beside his, mostly due to him playing computer games late into the night. The other person had opinions of the young man that weren’t flattering and the situation had become serious enough for the house managers to call meetings to sort things out.
By the time I caught up with the young man he was pretty well completely distracted by issues in the share house and anxious to have the whole thing sorted out.
He was now distracted. The tensions were in his face and in his mind all the time, keeping him from focus on other things. All he could do was wish the drama was over, so he could get on with life.
I pointed out that part of maturity is having issues that press on us, but being able to sideline them while we get on with life. A ruler or manager can’t function if they are completely distracted by some issue that looms large in their life. They have to process that issue, either by resolving it of putting it aside.
I also pointed out that in order to resolve the thing that filled his mind and life, he needed God’s help. So I asked him to see if he could define the nature of what was distracting him. Was he feeling fear, or hurt pride, or insecurity, or anger, or shame, or something else? What was looming large in his life was not just the problem with people, but areas of his life needing to be resolved.
When we have an issue distracting us we should recognise there is something inside us magnifying that issue. What is stuck under our claw, so to speak, is something we have a personal stake in, such as pride, ambitions, resentments or the like.
The young man identified fear as a strong distraction. He had no control over the outcome and things could go bad for him. That would also be a matter of personal shame and defeat.
Issues we have with people reveal issues we have inside ourself and point us to God, who is able to bring change and freedom. I pointed the young man to resolving his internal anxieties through God and God’s Word.
Let’s suggest he became confident that God has everything under control and that all things work together for good. What would happen to his fear? It would be resolved. Then it wouldn’t be in his face anymore.
Let’s assume he dealt with his pride and could admit that he was quite naive and inexperienced in dealing with people and that he would humbly allow others to determine the outcome at the meetings, humbly accepting their decision, while trusting God to look after him.
That would be a very mature position for a young man to take, so it would probably shock the others. It would also mean the young man having to die to his pride and his desire to be right and to keep doing much the same as he did in the past.
As I looked at this young man’s situation I realised what he was going through is the same process we all go through, over and over again through life. I had stumbled over the essence of Life’s Journey.
Our Life’s Journey is about us relating to others, by which our own weaknesses, selfishnesses, ignorance and the like are exposed. We then face the pain of strained relationships and that brings up our personal weak spots, such as fear, pride, aggression, frustration and so on.
When our weaknesses are brought into focus our most responsible action, and the most effective thing to do, is take our weakness, brokenness, failure, shame and so on to God, asking Him to deliver us.
By that repeated process we journey into growth and maturity. We can handle responsibility, and care about others in place of ourself. We can be a blessing where in the past we were everyone’s problem. We journey into personal freedom and wholeness.
I pointed out to the young man that the very process he was dealing with now would be repeated time after time, in every decade of his life. We still have to deal with our selfishness and disregard for others, at deeper and deeper levels, through life. And we still have to call on God to deliver us as we see deeper issues in our lives.
Then I realised that I was summarising Life’s Journey as a matter of Loving People and Loving God – the two greatest commandments. So no wonder this process is life long. We are ever having to grow in our love for others and our love for God.
Are there issues you have with people right now? Are there things that are stuck in your claw, so to speak? Things that you seem to be distracted with and maybe even argue about in your head? Such things should point you to your need for a work of God in your life, to overcome your selfishness, fear, pride, resentments and the like, and cause you to reach out to God in faith.
As you apply God’s Word to the characteristics troubling you, you can resolve them and overcome them, and move into greater freedom and maturity, and you can love God and love others better.
In short, that’s the essence of your whole Life’s Journey.
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