Rejection 27 – God Loves the Real You

by Leave a Comment

An amazing aspect of God’s love is that He loves us just as we are. The Bible tells us that “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son”. That love is not a poetic notion. It is not just a happy thought. It is the tangible power of God’s compassion released into human lives.

And God’s love for the world is not based on how lovely and endearing the world is to God. God loves people despite the fact that they are covered in sin and shame.

So this lesson takes you into a deeper appreciation of that great love which God has toward you.

“But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, has quickened us together with Christ, (by grace you are saved;)” Ephesians 2:4,5

Just as I Am

An important step in my revelation of God’s love was to realise that God loves me even though He knows all my sins, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, fears, shame, ignorance, foolishness and so on.

God loves me just the way I really am. He is not fooled by my empty promises. He is not bribed by my negotiations. He is 100% aware of all of my terrible failings. Yet God loves me anyway! Wow!!!

I don’t have to wait until I am good enough for God, for I never will be. I don’t have to make amends for my past before I can come to God. I will never be able to do that.

The only thing I can do is drag the carcase of my stinking self into His presence, with all of my failure and shame naked to His all-seeing gaze. I can make no appeal. I can make no bargain. I am undone. I am spent. I am incapable of impressing Him for a moment.

Yet, as I come to Him, just as I really am, He pours His love on me! That is just SO amazing! And it is SO liberating!

God Loves the Real You

I was so blessed to realise that God actually loved the “real” me. God was not impressed by the image I had created and maintained. He was not attracted to my reputation or the impressions other people had of me. God loved the real, miserable, fearful and insecure me that was hidden behind my mask of popularity and success.

The image I use of this shows God’s love directed down upon the real, hidden person, behind the inflated image that other people see.

Reject 27 - The Real You

God’s love is directed to the “real” you. That miserable, fearful person is the object of God’s love. That is the Real You and that is the “you” that God loves and sent Jesus to die for. God wants the Real You to receive His love and salvation. He wants the Real You to be released into all that He has prepared for you.

Act of the Will

In my journey through all of this I discovered that love is an “act of the will”. That is why God can command us to love Him and to love our neighbour.

“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is similar, namely this, You shall love your neighbour as yourself. There is none other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30,31

The revelation that love is an act of the will brought to me a new sense of confidence in God’s love for me and you.

Do you know why God loves you? God loves you because He chooses to love you! It’s an act of God’s will. And so there are no strings attached. God’s love is unconditional. God loves you as an act of His will and He will never change His mind!

Unconditional Love

Because God’s love for you is a matter of His choice to love you, then it is unconditional. It is not based on your age, or your potential. It is not based on your good looks, career path, willingness to serve God, or anything else you can do.

Unconditional love is something you can’t break. If God loved you because you pleased Him, then as soon as you stopped pleasing Him He could stop loving you. But, because there are no conditions, there is nothing you can do to make God stop loving you.

That’s why God describes His love as an “everlasting love”.

“The LORD appeared to me of old, saying, Yea, I have loved you with an everlasting love: therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn you.” Jeremiah 31:3

God Loves YOU

Let me explain it straight for you. God loves you, just the way you REALLY are, failures and all. And God loves you, just he way your really are, because He has chosen to love you. There is nothing you can do that will stop God from loving you. You cannot even FAIL your way out of God’s love!

If you were to become the greatest enemy of God and lead thousands away from faith in God, God will still not stop loving you. If you were to step out for God and then make such as mess of things that God is mocked because of your failure, God will still not stop loving you.

Let me say it again, You cannot even FAIL your way out of God’s love!

Perfect Love Sets You Free

That kind of perfect love casts out fear. It sets people free. And it set me free from my fear, insecurity, shame, inferiority and rejection. I did not have to prove a thing. The opinions and criticisms from people counted for nothing against such overwhelming love.

That’s the love you need to receive. You need to be drenched in that love and soak in it for days. You need it to permeate your mind, emotions, personality, will, spirit, soul and body. Don’t just give God’s love a kindly assent, but press in for it, cry out for it, and make sure you experience it. It truly will set you free!

Let Me Pray For You

I want to pray again that God reveal His love to you.

“Lord, I ask You to reveal Your overwhelming love into the hearts of each person reading this. Let the love of God be shed abroad in each heart, by the Holy Spirit, so that every one of them is set free and transformed to be the people You created them to be. So reveal Your love that it dislodges all the wrong thoughts in their head and heart. Heal them with You love. Impact them with Your love. Transform them with Your love. I ask this in Jesus’ lovely and precious name. Amen.”

Women With Wise Words part 1

by Leave a Comment

Some women struggle with their tongue. So here is practical advice for wives and mothers and for others who end up creating trouble through their words. The point is to stop contending and start sharing. Let me explain.

The Unruly Tongue

The Apostle James, Jesus’ younger brother, warned that the human tongue is impossible to tame. Everyone says the wrong thing at times, and those who rule their tongue have mastered their whole life.

“For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.” James 3:2

“But no man can tame the tongue; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” James 3:8

Only God can empower us to tame our tongue. So we need God’s wisdom and His grace and power to succeed in this important challenge.

The Argumentative Woman

bossyIt is significant that the Bible makes several references to an argumentative woman. On three occasions King Solomon advised that you are better off living on the rooftop or the wilderness rather than with a woman who wants to argue with you.

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” Proverbs 21:9

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Proverbs 21:19

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” Proverbs 25:24

We know that men, women and children can all be argumentative, so the points made in this lesson can be put to use by us all. But the argumentative woman is clearly bad news and a common enough reality for repeated mention in the Bible.

Contending

Let’s look at the dynamics that occur in contention and argument. Contending is a form of fighting. Two people become adversaries when they contend with each other. One or both are trying to gain some victory over the other. Or one is trying to defend against the demands of another.

For some reason women have a propensity to become contentious. This means they will contend with their husband and their children. Possibly as younger women they will contend with their parents. And they probably contend with others, outside the family, as well.

Many husbands comment on how their wife “nags” them and how she will not let up on some point or other that she is trying to press upon them. Solomon even refers to this.

“A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.” Proverbs 19:13

The Roots of Contention

Contention springs from pride. King Solomon points out that contention only comes when pride is involved.

“Only by pride comes contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.” Proverbs 13:10

The pride that produces contention is linked to a person’s desire to rule others or to judge them. We know that from the Hebrew word for contention, ‘midyawn’, which comes from a Hebrew root word meaning to rule and to judge.

When a person is given to contending with others they are most likely motivated by pride in their own opinions or their own importance, and will feel they have the right to rule others and to judge them.

A contentious person can often operate as “judge, jury and executioner”. They take rulership over others and execute judgement upon them. They will do this purely on their own account, according to their own opinions and evaluation of a situation.

Powerless Women

I suspect that one of the motivations for some women to become argumentative and contentious is that they feel powerless. They feel the need to gain control over their husband and children, so they are not so vulnerable.

The godly challenge for women, however, is to submit to their husband. So women need to find security in God, not in their powers of argument. Since it is God who asks them to submit, they can appeal to God to protect and bless them, even if they have grave concerns about their husband’s leadership abilities.

When women become secure in God’s care for them, they will not need to “rule” or “judge” others. They will be content and happy to get on with the life God gave them.

Contending on Autopilot

I have noticed that contentious people are quick to scoff, rebut, react and create arguments.

I recall an example from my time in New Zealand. While preaching, I asked a builder in the church for an on-the-spot estimate of the length of the building. I was showing how people develop good estimation skills. He scanned the building, then said, “Fifty Feet”. Immediately an older woman in the congregation gave a loud scoffing, “Hoh!” She clearly thought the estimate was ridiculous.

There was so much emotion in her mocking reaction that the builder later grabbed his tape-measure and confirmed that the building was within inches of the fifty feet he had estimated.

That lady had a problem. Without any ability to come up with an answer herself, she instantly and loudly contended with the very accurate information offered by someone who knew what he was talking about.

I am afraid many people who give in to contention are similarly ruled by it. They feel impelled to buy into things they are not qualified to speak about. They contend as if it was their automatic setting, whether they have anything to offer or not.

Getting Personal

Argumentative people also seem hard to instruct. When someone shows that they know what they are talking about the contender is likely to say something like, “You think you’re SO smart, don’t you?” They are unlikely to say, “Thank You. I’m glad you explained that to me.” Pride and the desire to dominate and judge others are at the heart of contention, so the contender will be too aroused to be humble and teachable.

Note too that if people feel threatened they will resort to personal attacks, rather than argue the issue at hand. Accusations, dredging up past failures, mockery, personal taunts and the like often find their way into arguments.

A Better Way

There is a much better way to communicate than to argue. Even if the other person is wrong there are better options than argument and contention. And it’s that better way that I really want to share with you. Now that I’ve taken so long with these background remarks, I’ll save the “better way” for Women With Wise Words part 2, which I’ll post in a couple of days.

Titchy Me

by 2 Comments

Yesterday my wife said something simple that really blessed me. She simply told me that she was feeling out of sorts and wasn’t sure why.

She recognised that her emotions, or her spirit, or something inside her was feeling unsettled and out of sorts. There was no drama. There was no argument. And she seemed to be fine afterwards. She experienced a time of being unsettled, and it passed.

It’s Your Fault!

In many relationships the kind of maturity which Susan displayed is completely missing. When the husband or wife feels unsettled they assume that it is someone else’s fault. Instead of taking responsibility for their own feelings, they lash out at others.

argument

I use the expression “loaded gun” to signify a person who is ready to pick a fight. They may even have a “hair trigger” ready to shoot off in any direction at the slightest prompting. Do you know people like that?

When these people are titchy they immediately act as if it someone else’s fault and as if they will feel better if they lash out at others. That kind of approach leads to such things as the “hormone hostage”, the “thunder dad” and “bad mood Sunday”.

Taking Responsibility

On the other hand, when a person recognises that the problem is internal, they are able to take responsibility for their feelings and the reactions that follow. That’s what Susan did.

She recognised that she was feeling out of sorts, but did not then assume it was someone else’s fault. She did not go looking for someone to vent her feelings on. She did not go and pick a fight so she could dump emotional baggage.

Instead, Susan simply acknowledged that she was struggling with something. She tried to figure out what it was, but couldn’t. She put that on the table. She did not create any sense of blame, or put-on to others. She simply put her own vulnerability out for open display.

Probably because of that, the feelings passed without incident and she got on happily with the rest of her day.

Pride and Anger

In many homes people’s pride and anger destroy and challenge their relationships. When people feel uncomfortable they are reluctant to admit that they have a problem. Their pride gets in the way. They don’t want to admit that they have a need or that they may be a problem or a cause of trouble. Their pride is much happier to accuse others and keep their own reputation clean.

And the uncomfortable feelings stir up reactions from within. We don’t like to feel unsettled and so it is easy to get aroused, making room for angry feelings, when things don’t feel right.

Pride and anger are relationship killers, leading to many of the arguments and strife that couples go through.

That’s why Susan’s handling of her feelings was so impressive. She humbled herself, rather than acting in pride. And she had control over her feelings. She ruled them, and they did not rule her.

Be Honest With Yourself

If you have emotional upheavals at times, or if you end up in strife with others, ask God to open your eyes to your own internal situation. Start being honest with yourself. Don’t blame others, but recognise what is happening inside you.

Here are some great sentences to say, to admit your situation. You might like to at least start saying these things to yourself.

“I’m struggling.” “I’m out of sorts.” “I’m feeling really unsettled at the moment.” “I’ve been struggling with uncomfortable feelings all day.” “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m having a really hard time staying in control of my emotions today.” “I need help.” “Lord help me gain control of my inner life, emotions and responses.”

A Burden Shared

Once you can be honest with yourself it would be good to find others you can be honest with. Ideally that should be your spouse. However some spouses have their own baggage and do not want to help their husband or wife at these times. So, find some people of your own sex (that’s extremely important) who you can pray with and who will encourage you in godliness.

Don’t get bad counsel. I know of people who get advice from bitter, rebellious, selfish people and the advice is toxic. Get your advice and support from people who love God and are free from pride and anger.

As you share your situation with them you will likely find that you are better able to take control and take responsibility. That way you can walk into greater freedom.

Prayer

“Lord God, I pray for all those reading this who need to gain rule over their own spirit. I pray that You teach them to take responsibility and to humble themselves. I pray that You give them victory over anger, blame, shame and other devilish things that destroy them and their marriage.

Bless them with joy, peace and wisdom, so they can build the wonderful bonds that you intend us all to enjoy. I ask this in Jesus’ powerful name, Amen.”

Rejection 26 – Overwhelming Love

by 1 Comment

While the Steps to Release describe the issues I had to deal with in overcoming rejection, insecurity, inferiority and the like in my life, it was God’s Love that actually empowered the whole process.

My inner pain, ill-defined as it was, left me feeling afraid of letting anyone into the areas of my need. I had created an external image of happiness and success, and I desperately wanted that image to be my truth. God’s invasion of my inner life seriously challenged my internal comfort zone.

Grace and Truth

Some people think that to live in happy delusion is better than living in an unhappy reality. I challenge that. No-one can truly live if they are living a lie. The people locked in mental institutions, completely deluded about who and what they are, are not better for their foolish notions. We are far better to face reality and find God’s power to be real in our true circumstances, than to live enslaved to delusion and brokenness.

While God’s Love is powerful and was the awesome antidote to my inner pain, it came with a solid dose of “reality check”. And that’s Biblical. The Bible tells us that both “grace and truth came by Jesus Christ”.

“And the Word was made flesh (Jesus), and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.” John 1:14

“For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.” John 1:17

Grace is the special favour of God, His love, His mercy and His blessings into our lives. Truth speaks of reality and facing up to the whole picture, for what it is. Both these things came at the same time, in the same person, Jesus Christ.

In the same way, God brought both His truth and His love to my heart at the same time.

Supreme Love

God loves me just the way I am. His love is supreme. His love is unsurpassable. God’s love is overwhelming.

God’s love is SO wonderful and SO powerful that it totally outweighs all the love that every other person could give. If the whole world hated you and God loved you, you could experience total joy, complete fulfilment, overwhelming satisfaction and abundant delight in being alive. That’s how supremely powerful and wonderful God’s love is

Love Revealed

God’s amazing love was revealed to me through many preachers who taught on the subject over several years. Messages about the Father heart of God, the Biblical definitions of love, the example of the Prodigal Son’s father, and the many Bible verses that talk about God’s love opened my heart and mind to realise that God truly does love me.

I had been raised in good evangelical churches and heard the gospel message of faith in Jesus Christ a thousand times. The cumulative effect of that, however, did not leave me with a sense of God’s overwhelming love. It took some time before that new truth could settle in my heart.

Slowly I came to trust what the Bible said. Slowly I came to believe that God was not some angry potentate ready to judge all who fail His standards.

jesus hugsYes Jesus Loves Me

Somehow in my Christian journey I came to think of God’s love as the nice message to tell the children. It was fine for the children to sing “Yes, Jesus Loves Me”. But I thought that as we become mature in our understanding we are to move away from the childish notion of God’s love, and realise our responsibilities.

I carried a weight of obligation, linked to judgements upon those who “looked back”, were “unfruitful” and so on. In the development of those ideas I lost complete sight of God’s love for me.

Yet such passages as Romans 8 spoke clearly about the impossibility of being separated from God’s love. And the love of Christ was spoken of in many places too.

“Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will it be tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?” Romans 8:35

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38,39

“And to know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge, that you might be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:19

I came to realise that Jesus does love me. God loves me.

Jesus Loves You!

You need a revelation of God’s love. That comes through the ministry of the Holy Spirit, illuminating the Bible. It is the Holy Spirit who pours God’s love through your wounded heart.

“And hope does not make us ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given to us.” Romans 5:5

A prayer I often pray for those needed healing from rejection and inner pain is that God’s Holy Spirit will release the Love of God through their heart, like ocean waves of God’s love sweeping over them. I want to pray that prayer for you. Then, in the next lesson I will take you even deeper into consideration of God’s Love.

Prayer for You

“Lord God, I pray for each person reading this, that You would pour Your love upon them. Let Your love be shed abroad in their heart, by the ministry of the Holy Spirit. Give them a revelation of Your great love for them. Let it flow over them like ocean waves of Your compassion, care, grace and blessing into their innermost being. And Lord, deliver them from rejection, shame, fear, insecurity and all inner pain. Let them enter into the joy of living in the glorious liberty of the children of God. I ask this for them, in Jesus’ precious name. Amen.”

White Wedding Magic

by Leave a Comment

“And they all lived happily ever after”. Thus ends the umpteenth fairy story, where the charming prince and the beautiful princess are pronounced man and wife in a fairytale wedding.

It all looks like such sweet innocent and positively charming romanticism. But I have my doubts. I suspect that we are setting people up for some serious disappointment. “Happily ever after” just doesn’t happen!

What happens after the wedding ceremony is ‘life’ and ‘life together’!

The degree to which people are ready for ‘life’ and the degree to which people are ready for ‘life together’ is the degree to which they are ready for marriage.

Fantasy Wedding

As I walked through the local market on Saturday I passed a mum with a tiny daughter dressed in a wedding costume. The mother was busy announcing to her friends that the tiny daughter had just been ‘married’ to a boy earlier that morning.

child wedding

It seems that the girl was so delighted with her wedding dress costume that she wanted to have a ‘wedding’. So a pretend ceremony was arranged for the girl, much to the delight of the mother.

And that prompted my thoughts about the fascination we create for the wedding ceremony. We invoke a perception of “white wedding magic” and conjure up images of the “fantasy wedding”. The wedding dress has even more appeal than the man in the red suit we see at Christmas time.

Japanese White Wedding

A few years ago I saw an ornate cathedral in Melbourne city being used for a mid-week wedding. I paused to see what was going on, only to see a small group of Japanese people emerge onto the steps. I chatted with the chap waiting to drive off in an elaborate horse and carriage. He told me there are many of these weddings in Melbourne. Other sources tell me that Japanese couples travel to many places to experience the mystique of the western wedding.

japanese wedding

Apparently the Japanese have been impressed by the western idea of a “white wedding” in a church. Once the couple have been married in Japan, in their own traditional way, they arrange to fly to Melbourne, and other cities of the world, possibly as part of their honeymoon, and are joined by some family, for a western white wedding.

We have so created the mystique of white wedding magic that people from other traditions and backgrounds want to get some of the fantasy sprinkled on their own union. They want to live “happily ever after” too, so they go through the motions of the Hollywood magical moment.

Where is the Magic?

I am not a cynic. I am a realist. I want people to enjoy their life and marriage. So, the best preparation is with some common sense reality, not deceptive fantasy.

So, here is my question. Where is the magic in the white wedding? It is illusory. It is created by orchestrated music, emotional moments in a movie, smiles on the faces of actors, pretty photographs, gorgeous gowns and an evening of celebration. It is in the mind. It is not in the ceremony, or the dress, or the limo, or the honeymoon suite, or anywhere else.

A person who cannot handle life and who cannot maintain relationship and trust, will not be saved by the organ, the stained-glass windows, the flowers, the wedding rings, or anything else that happens on the “big day”.

Big Day a Big Flop

Have you ever heard of a “big day” becoming a Big Flop! Maybe not in those terms. Instead we call it “divorce”. Have you ever heard of divorce? Have you ever heard of adultery? Have you ever heard of heart-break? Have you ever heard or arguments, bitching, spite, jealousy, resentment and the like?

Those things can be summarised with the term “big flop”! Every wedding day that pre-empts those things is a Big Flop! The bridesmaids, photographer, music, smiles, confetti and all the rest of it were wasted! They did not save the marriage. They did not create “happily ever after”!

And they never can! They never will! The white wedding has no magic. The mystique is illusion. The fantasy wedding is just that; “fantasy”!

Expectation versus Preparation

Little girls do not need to have their “expectation” aroused. They need to make “preparation” for successful relationship building. The notion of “happily ever after” needs to be replaced with the confidence that “You can make it work, honey!”

Prepare your children and yourself for “life”, not for an expensive big day. Train your children that no-one is perfect. We all let each other down and upset each other in many ways. That’s why we learn to forgive and to ask forgiveness. That’s why we have to call on God for His grace. That’s why we “work at” and “build” a relationship, rather than have it delivered on a platter.

Every time your child is upset at you or a sibling or friend you can use that to prepare them for the “life” that follows the big day. Every time your child struggles with their emotions you can teach them to tame and guide their heart. Every time your child hears about relationships falling apart, you can teach them how to restore relationship and make it work.

Maturity over the Moment

There is no reason why your child should not enjoy and anticipate their big day. However you are much wiser to prepare them for the life that follows, rather than let them get lost in the fantasy of that “magic moment”. Help your child anticipate the “maturity” which they will grow into, rather than the “theme park ride” that passes in a few moments.

Speak to your child about their big day, but also about their coming responsibilities as a parent. Talk to them about what they will do when they are a grandparent. Prepare them, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, for those hard moments in life, like sitting up all night with a sick child.

Don’t just fantasise about the wedding day, but about them coaching their children in a favourite sport, teaching their children to catch fish, change a tyre, go camping in the wilds, mend socks and cook meals. Prepare your children for the maturity they will blossom into, not just the moment that will pass.

Mentor Your Child

Remember that your child is being mentored by you. Your attitudes and reactions instruct your child about what is valuable and important in life. If you go giddy over silly things, then they will too. If you are mature and wise, you will raise them to be mature and wise too.

If you are foolish and immature, it is high time you worked through that and became the kind of parent that will create mature, godly generations for the future.

Remember, you are preparing future generations, not coaching an actor for one scene in a movie.