Keep Your Big Mouth Shut

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Bill Cosby is credited for the line, “I opened my mouth and my MOTHER came out!” It is true that we can find ourselves sounding like our parents when we speak out at times. But when we open our mouth much more can come out than the things our mother used to say. Many people are ‘hung by the tongue’ when they say things they regret and have to put right. Many a couple or family members have been hurt by things one or both have said.

Keeping your big mouth shut can be the wisest thing to do – just about any time. Solomon gives us several healthy directives about managing our mouth. He says that saying less (keeping your mouth shut) is a good policy. If you are a fool, you can hide the fact, just by keeping your big mouth shut.

“In the multitude of words there is no lack of sin: but he that refrains his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10:19

“The heart of the righteous studies to answer: but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.” Proverbs 15:28

“He that hath knowledge spares his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.” Proverbs 17:27

“Even a fool, when he holds his peace, is counted wise: and he that shuts his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” Proverbs 17:28

I recently sat in a meeting where a fool turned up. The person was well meaning and tried to be friendly and pleasant. But they did not know what they were talking about. They could not tune in to the issues being discussed or the depth of feelings some people present were grappling with. So, they just opened their mouth and talked about their own favourite subjects.

By the way, everyone’s favourite subject is themselves. Their next favourite subjects are their opinions and the way that seems right to them.

I watched as various people present responded graciously to this foolish mouth. They also shut down the conversation until the fool was gone and they could once again speak among people of understanding.

What made this exchange poignant for me was that I saw myself in the loud-mouth. That’s just the way I behaved through much of my youth. I was opinionated, ignorant, lacking perception, keen to make an impression, insecure and foolish. It took me years to learn to listen, and to learn to let someone else give the answer I could have given.

So, take it from me, and from Solomon. He has more authority to speak on this subject than I have, considering where I have come from and where I still have to go. But, take it from both of us anyway. “Keep Your Big Mouth Shut!”

Teachable Heart

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Do you hate being told off? Most of us react when someone is giving us a lecture and pointing out our faults. Some people turn off immediately, run away or even react aggressively when being corrected. How do you take correction? What don’t you like when people are bringing up your weakness, failings or faults? Do you have a teachable heart, or are you one of the stroppy ones who react poorly?

What about your children? Do they take correction? Do they become annoyed and frustrated when you try to instruct them?

King Solomon speaks directly about this common weakness in taking correction. He refers to correction as ‘reproof’. In Proverbs 12:1 Solomon notes that those who love instruction love knowledge, but those who hate reproof are the stupid ones.

There are no accolades for those who react when they are corrected. If you find yourself cringing, tensing, resenting the speaker, blocking the input, or other negative response to reproof you are on dangerous ground.

If you also think that your way is pretty good and you don’t need correction, you are even on worse ground. Hmmmm. Proverbs 12:15 says “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he that receives counsel is wise”. Those voices of correction or reproof are ‘counsel’, and you are wise to receive them. If you are determined that you are right, then you are likely a fool.

Now, I know that there are some people who can turn correction into a toxic substance. That makes it even tougher to receive their words of reproof. What can I say? Those people do exist. They make a compliment into a death sentence. They have the ability to humiliate, denigrate and offend in the very process of giving reproof or correction which is valid.

When those people speak into our life we are doubly challenged. We don’t want to be corrected in the first place, but we also don’t want to be put down, taunted or otherwise offended by the person bringing correction.

To be super-spiritual about it, let me suggest that maybe God has elevated the stakes in your life, by bringing along the offending corrector. The double whammy may be to test your heart even more than normal. By upping the stakes on you God is giving you the chance to press through to greater freedom. Champions don’t train with the primary school squad – they undergo the most rigorous conditions. And so it is with your heart and spiritual growth. By having additional weights put onto the bar you are being given the opportunity to become a champion. The scorning corrector and the toxic rebuke, when received with God’s grace, will give you victories not attainable under the hand of a patient and kind counsellor.

So let’s consider your children again. If they react to your correction and instruction it could be because you are heavy-handed and even toxic in the way you bring correction and instruction. Please search your heart. There is no need for you to make life difficult for your children. If you have sufficient relationship with them, which I hope you do, then you may want to discuss these thoughts with them and encourage them to develop a teachable heart, even when you are not kind in the way you instruct them.

I counsel you to receive counsel. I counsel you to have a teachable heart. I counsel you to receive correction, even when it comes in a nasty package. I counsel you to be of an excellent spirit and to be counted among the wise, not the fools.