The Domestic Bride

I have met some lovely young brides over the years and been delighted by the heart-felt desire of each one to please her husband. The home and its domestic challenges is an area where many brides long to excel and through which they plan to bless their husband.

Yet the domestic role of a bride is also an area where some misunderstanding and unclear concepts can lead the couple into strife. So this post is for the domestic bride.

Beautiful Bride with a Beautiful Heart

I know that not all young brides are as wonderful as others, but I want to pause for a moment and commend the many amazing and sweet young ladies I have met over the years who earnestly long to delight their husband. Some of those lucky men have been ignorant of how blessed they are. Some of them have gone on to bruise the tender heart of their darling bride.

So, to you amazing and gorgeous young ladies, I commend you for your eager and delightful intention to bless your young man. Mankind is blessed to have the undeserved devotion that you give. I pray that God bless each of you with the rewards of His grace, even if your wonderfully blessed husband does not realise how privileged he is.

Tender Hearts Get Bruised

I am sorry that it is so, but tender hearts do get bruised. Insensitive young men and starry-eyed young brides end up with the pain of disappointment, hurts and misunderstanding. Sometimes the bruises are so sore that the marriage never regains the innocence and tenderness of its initial hopes and dreams.

With the progress of time many marriages completely lose their wonder and delight. Both bride and groom draw back from their innocent hopes and their willing abandonment. Many a cranky older couple started out as two tender hearts longing for things they could never find. I will look at this subject from another angle at some time, with reference to the ‘spirit of the marriage’.

Understand the Problems

Entering into marriage and this wonderful new level of relationship with some understanding may help you. So allow me to cover some points that should help you understand the problem.

In simple terms the main problem stems from the bride’s longing to serve and bless, and the husband’s ignorance of what he wants and how things should be administered. It is hard to effectively serve and bless someone when that service is ill defined.

The Dangerous Assumptions

In marriage, the easy assumptions to make include such things as the idea that you are both wonderfully compatible. Another assumption is that it will just work out fine, all by itself. Then there is the assumption by the man that the woman will somehow instinctively do what pleases him, and the assumption by the woman that the man will instinctively be delighted by what she gives him.

All of these assumptions are dangerous, because all of them are most likely not true. They set the couple up for surprises, disappointment, argument, misunderstanding and hurts.

It is unlikely that the husband has ever clearly catalogued what he likes and what he wants. He has most likely been a passenger in life’s journey, floating along with the things his mother did for him. What ever she did will be what he sees as ‘normal’, even if she is the only person on the planet who does things that way.

If a young husband was asked to explain the domestic management of a home very few would have much depth of understanding. Most husbands are happy to leave things up to their bride. However this creates several problems.

Integration Problems

Since two separate domestic worlds are brought together by the newly-weds they will have to work through the integration issues. If they have never done such a thing before then they will be surprised how many issues arise.

There are often no right and wrong ways to do things. But we each have a sense for what is familiar to us. That familiar process is the one that will “seem right” to us, even if it is the most inefficient process ever imagined. If the bride and groom have different ideas of what is ‘right’ they will end up stumbling over each other’s perceptions. It will be easy to use words like ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, bringing a sense of condemnation into the relationship. If emotions are aroused, then insults and hurtful words can spill into the situation.

Tender and fragile emotions can be damaged in such an unexpected exchange.

Many a young man has rebuked his wife for not being able to cook meals the way his mother cooked it. His tastes and expectations have been moulded by his family experience and he may not realise that there is such great diversity in food and its preparation.

The Wrong Response

When a person does not have a clear idea of what they want or how to communicate it they can leave the other person directionless. Most young husbands will tend to leave their bride to do her best, not quite sure what she is going to do and how well she is going to do it.

These husbands can’t give positive guidance in such situations so the only guidance they can give is to point out what they think to be wrong. This I call the ‘wrong’ response. And the ‘wrong’ response is the wrong response!

When a husband can only tell his bride what is wrong he is set up to bludgeon her tender hopes into a calloused heart that gives up the hope of pleasing him. Or that gives him what he wants, but without any delight on her part any more.

Negative responses produce negative responses. A husband who guides his bride by disapproval is wounding her heart.

Is There a Simple Solution?

In matters of relationship there is usually no simple solution. I will offer a few simple suggestions, but I doubt that many people will heed them. I fear that many more lovely and tender young brides are going to head down the road to hardened and hurt older wives, despite what I present here. But for the sake of the one or two who may be saved from pain by my thoughts I will venture my simple solution.

Brides should be taught to expect that everything they bring into the marriage will have to be modified. They should be encouraged to go on a two-year journey of discovery of what works best in their home. They should be told that they will face some difficult challenges in this process but that they can succeed and create the most amazing new domestic formula for them both to enjoy.

The reason I put this on the bride is because she is the one who will otherwise be hurt. Her insensitive hero is less likely to be damaged in the sort-out of domestic process than the wife is. So my simple solution aims at shielding the most vulnerable party – that beautiful young woman.

If brides enter marriage with an expectation of their need to change, and a long-term time-line for getting things sorted out, there will be less pain in finding that the couple are less compatible than she hoped. There is time for the two of them to talk and explore their options. There is no silly idealism about it working perfectly from day one.

All of that helps the tender one to be more resilient in the inevitable sorting out process.

Other Helpful Steps

Obviously it is valuable for the young husband to understand the situation and how easily he can and will offend his darling bride. Men should be challenged to expect a long season of exploration and discovery. They should expect food to taste different and things to be done differently, because they are a new family, with new horizons and new possibilities.

I recommend that the couple set up an expectation – possibly suggested to them in the pre-marriage preparation process – that the husband review the bride’s processes and program at regular intervals.

While that might sound very sexist and man-serving at first glance, allow me to show why that is valuable.

The bride is built to please her man. How can she do that if she does not become attentive to what he needs or wants? If she makes her own assumptions and assessments independently of him she may spend her whole life doing things he does not want her to do in ways he does not want her to employ. This undermines her whole design and motivation.

I have also observed that two heads are better than one. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not the first to observe that fact. When any person acts for their whole life without the benefit of additional input and review they are in danger of doing the wrong things the wrong way for a long time. The most valuable and understanding contributor to the wife’s situation should be her husband. So having him give input in a regulated and consistent fashion is logical and appropriate.

And I also recommend that young men be given at least some understanding of how to protect the tender heart of their beloved. The pushing of the feminist notion that men and women are equal and almost identical has robbed men of appreciation for the woman’s needs and denied women the loving care that they are due.

The Bible – the Most Significant Book

I trust that by now you have some understanding of why I see the Bible as the most valuable resource in my life. The Bible is the most Enduring, Authoritative, Profound, Resilient, Enlightening, Impactful, Endorsed and Significant book in all of human history.

All of the points I have discussed over recent days confirm that the Bible is the world’s most Significant book. The Bible claims to be the Word of God. That claim makes good sense in the light of all I pointed out in recent posts. The Bible is absolutely unique and demands our keen attention simply on those grounds alone. It is the world’s most valuable resource and so deserves our utmost attention. It outperforms all other books and all other ideologies in terms of impact and authority.
I meet people who are very excited about some book, idea, philosophy, discovery or whatever. While their find may prove to be quite exciting in some way or other, I can rest assured that it will not have the value that they expect. I am confident that the Bible, the book so readily despised by those who oppose it, is more valuable than anything else we can find on the planet.
I commend the Bible to you. I encourage you to read it daily. Read it through at least once each year. Feed from it. Put your faith in it. Let God speak to you through it. Listen to preachers who believe it. Share with people who live by it. You will find it to be the most Enduring, Authoritative, Profound, Resilient, Enlightening, Impactful, Endorsed and Significant book in all of human history.

The Bible – the Most Endorsed Book

I’m back looking at the Bible again. And by now you can probably quote my list of accolades about the Bible with your eyes closed. (Try it – if you can’t get it right check the final sentence in this blog posting to see how many you got)

It is no wonder that the Bible is the most Endorsed book in human history. A book of such extensive significance as the Bible holds would certainly be accorded many accolades and would be credited by all manner of people, young and old, from around the world and through the centuries.

The Bible has been endorsed by prince and commoner. Queen Victoria of England asserted that the entire British Empire stood on the teachings of the Bible. Founding Fathers and Presidents of the United States of America gave whole-hearted affirmation of the importance of the Bible. George Washington said, “It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and the Bible.” French Emperor, Napoleon, said the Bible surpassed all other books.

Ghengis Khan, who once ruled China, apparently called for the church to send missionaries to teach the Bible to his nation. The Christians were slow to respond and so Khan passed the call to Buddhist monks, who turned the nation toward Buddhism.

In more recent history men of science declared that it was their confidence in the Bible and what it taught that led them to expect laws of nature and scientific principles on which the world could be understood. Most of today’s scientific facts came from the work of men and women who ardently believed the Bible to be the accurate and reliable basis for all understanding. Scientists from Kepler, Pascal & Boyle to Pasteur, Einstein and Fleming, and through to many thousands of scientists today, happily endorse the Bible as the cornerstone of their life and beliefs.

Recent history’s political and social leaders have also given keen endorsement to the Bible, including Sir Winston Churchill and USA President Ronald Reagan. President Reagan claimed that, “Of the many influences that have shaped the United States into a distinctive nation and people, none may be said to be more fundamental and enduring than the Bible.”

The Bible is the most Enduring, Authoritative, Profound, Resilient, Enlightening, Impactful, Endorsed and Significant book in all of human history.

The Bible – Enlightening

This is yet another post on the topic of the Bible – the book I uphold as the most important book in all the world. The Bible is the most Enduring, Authoritative, Profound, Resilient, Enlightening, Impactful, Endorsed and Significant book in all of human history.

The Bible is an Enlightening book. It has the power to “turn the lights on” for people. While many books are filled with information that informs the mind, the Bible has the ability to inform the heart of the reader. As well, the Bible contains information about important things which are not revealed anywhere else. Add to that the experience which the Bible is able to create in its readers of transforming their thinking and their heart.

The Bible is often credited with opening people’s eyes. Even when people read a very familiar passage which they have read even hundreds of times before, it is common to experience a revelational insight. The experience is that of something suddenly making sense on the inside. I have enjoyed this experience many times. And it is not some temporary illusory perception, such as my school friends described from their use of hallucinogenic drugs. Those revelations gave the impression of an insight which was unable to be recaptured or nailed down when the drug-induced state wore off.

Revelation that comes through the Bible is able to be documented, explained, referred back to, built upon and integrated into a person’s whole life. The enlightenment which comes from the Bible is truly a gift to the reader. The Bible’s ability to produce such enlightenment in people of all ages, cultures, socio-economic backgrounds, education levels, and so on, makes the Bible an amazing gift to humanity.

The Bible – Authoritative

The Bible is the most Enduring, Authoritative, Profound, Resilient, Enlightening, Impactful, Endorsed and Significant book in all of human history.

The last time I posted on this subject I discussed the fact that the Bible is Enduring. Now let me tell you why I see the Bible as Authoritative.

Some things have Endured but are of nothing more than novel significance. The great pyramids are hardly more than tourist attractions. So, impressive though the ability to endure may be, that does not make the Bible significant in and of itself. The Bible, however, is not a relic but an Authoritative source book for humanity.

Unlike other books from antiquity the Bible is authoritative in matters of history and science. Its description of and prescriptions for human nature stand up to scrutiny. This book stands tall, despite its antiquity.

There is no other work from antiquity which echoes the authority with which the Bible speaks. The Egyptian book of the dead, the Hindu Vedas, the code of Hammurabi, and so on, give us clues as to the attitudes and values of the people of past times, but they do not speak into today’s reality in the amazing way that the Bible still does, so universally today. The Bible is the authoritative source for legal, domestic, social, spiritual and scientific endeavour through history as just as much today as ever.