Rejection 11 – Curse of Rejection

We come now to a tragic result of severe rejection, which haunts the lives of many rejection sufferers. It is what I call the “Curse of Rejection”. I also refer to it as the “Cloud of Rejection”, because of how it seems to function in the life of the rejection victim.

You may well identify people in your mind who became the classic “Reject” and who live with a curse of rejection on everything they do. I can think of several examples, and I was able to describe this terrible result of rejection from my knowledge of what life was like for them.

Deep Rejection

We all probably suffer some form of rejection or rebuttal, neglect or similar negative experiences from time to time. However some people suffer what we could describe as “deep rejection”. This is where they may be raised by someone with serious rejection issues, or have been so cruelly abandoned and despised, that the rejection wounds in their life are much deeper and stronger than for most people.

When this intense rejection impacts a life it often results in a spirit of rejection becoming attached to the person’s life. So now the problem is more than just their emotional pain and mental torment, but has a powerful spiritual dimension as well.

A Curse

The spiritual curse of rejection, for want of a better way to term it, is the case where a person is dogged continually with their rejection. Rather than simply suffering with the pain of past experience, it is as if a demon is assigned to their life to ensure that they encounter fresh experiences of rejection on a daily basis.

Usually people who suffer this deep rejection and curse of rejection have become distorted by their past experiences and are so uncomfortable with life and people that they just don’t fit anywhere very well.

Their own feelings contribute to the problem, but it goes beyond that. Even if they clean themselves up and try to fool a completely new group of people that they are “normal”, it won’t work. It is as if a spirit (or demon) of rejection advertises that the person is a “reject”, like a really bad smell hanging in the air.

The Cloud of Rejection

To my way of seeing it, it is as if the deeply rejected person, with their curse of rejection, is carrying around a neon cloud everywhere they go. The cloud keeps flashing the word “Reject! Reject!” over their head. This ensures that everyone who meets them feels uncomfortable with them, wants to get away, has little time for them and adds to their experience of rejection.

I use the cloud in my simple image of this Curse of Rejection. The cloud, although not seen in reality, is sensed by others and causes them to feel like rejecting the person carrying the cloud.

No Escape

The tragedy for the rejected person is that there is no escape from their on-going experience of rejection. Changing city, changing job, changing their image and changing their friends, all prove fruitless efforts. That’s because they take their problem with them.

The problem is spiritual, not material. It cannot be put off, like a change of clothes. It becomes a part of who they are as a person.

They end up with unhappy experiences at school, work, social events, their home town, and so on. Their family and associates fit in with those same places with happy experiences, yet the reject is dogged by continual unpleasant encounters, and the feeling that they never really fit in or make it in those settings.

Dogged Survivors

Several of those I think of as fitting this description have gained my admiration for their dogged determination to survive, despite the continued current pulling against their lives. I cannot but admire the resilience and determination, and even determined optimism, of some who have been kicked at every corner, and yet are determined to make life work as best they can.

It may even be true that some of life’s most determined survivors have not come from comfortable and loving backgrounds, but from challenging up-hill battles with the very basic experiences of life.

The tragedy is the pain which those people live with, that is never resolved, despite their achievements and successes along the way. Some are buried in a life-long fight with reality, unable to enjoy the taste of their success, because of the bitter taste of their rejection overriding it all.

Scabbo

The first person I ever knew who carried this cloud of rejection is a fellow school-mate whom I know only as “Scabbo”. He was a few years younger than me at high school and he came from a hard-luck background. It seems he had no friends and little to commend him socially.

What he did have was a determination to survive, and he did so by collecting empty glass soft-drink bottles around the school-yard. Thus he was a scavenger, from which his derogatory nickname, Scabbo, was derived by the students.

When the boys had finished their drinks at lunch they would start to chant, “Scabbo! Scabbo!” and when the boy came into sight they would throw their bottles in different directions. The lad would hurriedly go after them, so he could get the refund coin for each bottle. As he did so there would be a loud chorus of “Scabbo!” chanted by all who watched.

Amazingly the young man just took all that in his stride. He was hardened to the harsh treatment and didn’t seem to expect anything better. He was one of life’s losers, so he was determined to at least get what he could, which was the cash for the bottles.

I found myself deeply hurt on his behalf. But, like all the others, I dared not associate with the boy, as that would have brought me under his shame as well.

Impossible Situation

Parents of a child who is constantly rejected and victimised may well take the child out of school and place him in a “better” school. Yet, where ever the child goes next, they will be rejected all over again. If the parents believe it is just the school environment, or the local situation, they will be discouraged to find that the next school and situation turns out remarkably similar.

Some parents may even send their child to a “Christian” school, where the “good” children are, so their child will not be badly treated. But even there, people are people, and they fall prey to the message from the Cloud of Rejection, and despise the new kid on the playground.

The situation is impossible to remedy, without dealing with the spiritual context in which the child is trapped. The curse must be broken and the spirit of rejection removed from the life that is oppressed.

Spiritual Solution

While the fuller picture of remedy will be presented later, allow me to shine the light of hope for those who can identify with what is described here.

Jesus Christ was made a ‘curse’ for us. The anointing of the Holy Spirit turns our mourning into dancing and opens the prison doors with which we are trapped.

“Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for our benefit: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangs on a tree” Galatians 3:13

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing: you have removed my sackcloth, and clothed me with gladness” Psalm 30:11

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is on me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings to the meek; he has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of prison to them that are bound; ….. to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1-3

Look to the Lord in hope, for it is He who is ready and keen to deliver you from the curse of rejection, filling you with His perfect love, and turning all of your burdened life into a lifestyle of rejoicing.

Rejection 1 and Inner Healing

About forty years ago God began a work of healing my heart. That work completely revolutionised my life and became the platform for so much of who I am and how I bless others.

So it is my delight to share something of what the Lord taught me through that process. I have already explained the Steps to Release which outline the journey which God led me through. Those steps became the template for my personal and ministry capacity to gain freedom. What I present in this Rejection series is the more personal journey of my own deliverance from rejection.

My Journey

I discovered that I was a victim of feelings of inferiority and rejection which devastated my personal, social and spiritual life. God graciously opened my eyes to His Word and to the work He wanted to do in me.

Once I had experienced personal freedom I was keen to help others find freedom too. Many of those that came to me for help were also victims of rejection, inferiority, insecurity and related issues. Helping them come to freedom expanded my understanding and enabled me to see the more complete picture of what could be called a ‘rejection syndrome‘.

As I escorted people through the journey to their freedom I began drawing stick figures to illustrate what I suspected they might have been encountering. Those simple drawings were scrawled out over and over again and people would often point at the page and say, “That’s Me!”

When I met cartoonist Rig Bell, in the early 1980’s, he offered to create images that were better than my clumsy stick figures. He took my sketches and came back with the pictures which you will see in this series.

Setting Things in Order

Obviously there is a great deal I could teach about Rejection, Inner Healing, Deliverance and the like. Years of experience and so many different testimonies have given me a broad concept of some of these issues. However, my concern is to simplify things and set them in order, so that anyone could grasp them and apply the truth to their life.

The simple presentation which I will break open to you in this series is not the final word, nor all that could be elaborated on. It is simply my attempt to make the subject clear and practical.

My Inferiority

I have vivid memories of my desperate feelings of embarrassment, insecurity, blushing, self-consciousness and inferiority. I could tell you stories about how I lived with the intense sense that people were watching me and that I must be self-aware at all times. I was afraid to look people in the eye. I would blush and go red like a beetroot, blinking at 90 miles per hour, with tears streaming down my face.

I could not tell my teacher I needed to go to the bathroom (toilet), so I invented belly-aches so she would suggest I go to the toilet. I developed the habit of checking my watch as I walked, to create an air of having something important to do. Yet I would look at my watch about every four paces, out of sheer torment at the thought of people watching me.

It was pretty weird, but it was ‘normal’ to me. I didn’t know any different. I just had to live with that and I also had to develop my compensating strategies.

An Extrovert

Despite my intense inner feelings of inferiority I had a strong desire to be up front and in the limelight. That created great tension, which I dealt with by sheer bluff and determination.

I created several coping strategies, such as out-staring people, forcing myself into the limelight and throwing myself into things, and making more of my strengths than was reasonable, to compensate for my limitations.

My compensation strategies worked very well. I became a class-room hero. I championed the debating team. I excelled in lead roles in the school musicals. I represented my school and district in national public speaking competitions. I was the best joke teller in the school.

Still Broken

But for all my extrovert performance I was still broken on the inside. I needed God’s love and His grace to deliver me from things too powerful for me. I needed His wisdom and the truth of His Word to break the chains of my slavery.

And all my efforts to set myself free only became another layer of problem which I had to undo in the process of walking into freedom. I later discovered that the defeatist, extrovert and rebel can all be variations of hurting people. Despite the life pattern which is chosen as the survival or coping mechanism, these people are still hurting on the inside, because they are still broken on the inside.

Rejection Series

So, welcome to this Rejection Series. There will be more than two dozen articles and as many pictures, which will unfold the drama of my own journey and the truth of God’s gracious deliverance available to all.

If you suffer from rejection, inferiority, self-pity, extroversion or rebellion, or if you have a heart to help others, you will find this series an effective tutorial on how to lead people into self-awareness, truth that sets them free, and ultimately, to God’s deliverance. If you are searching chrisfieldblog.com for these posts you will find them labelled first as ‘Rejection’, then numbered in order. Enjoy.

Spirit of Offence

Years ago I became victim to a ‘spirit of offence’. I had forgotten about it until a few weeks ago when I sensed that one of my ministry friends had fallen victim to the same thing. I prayed for him and then wrote him an explanation.

I am sharing my letter to him with you, since it is just possible that you too have fallen prey to a Spirit of Offence.

What I Sensed

This is what I told my friend about what I sensed happening in his life.

There has been a ‘spirit of offence’ assigned against you, which has probably been at work for many years. I suspect that it traces back to your youth or childhood, in much the same way that a spirit of rejection works. You may be able to identify experiences you have had of feeling rejected, which cause you to feel emotionally vulnerable.

Anyway, the sense that came to me was that this offence issue is not a product of life experience, but a deliberate strategy of the enemy, to entangle your life in offences. It has a double edge in that it causes you to feel offended, rejected and unable to operate with welcomed acceptance, but it also causes people to feel some undefined sense of offence toward you.

My Past Experience

A spirit of offence was at work against my ministry in New Zealand, back in 1980, which an intercessor discerned and resisted. The first I knew of it was a phone call from a young mum in my congregation. She explained to me that she had suddenly felt a very strong feeling of offence toward me.

That feeling settled onto her one afternoon and she found herself feeling offended by me and angry toward me. However, being more spiritually sensitive than some, she stopped herself from indulging the feelings which had come upon her. She demanded to answer to herself why she was feeling that way.

As she prayed about what she was feeling she realised that there was no basis to her feelings. I had not done or said anything to her or anyone else that could possibly cause such a reaction. She sought the Lord for wisdom about what was going on and what she sensed was that a Spirit of Offence had rested onto her, to cause her to reject my ministry.

She prayed against that spirit for a long time before she felt the feelings of offence lift from her. Once those feelings dissolved it became all the more clear to her that this was a spiritual attack against my ministry and was completely baseless.

Then she realised with a shock that she needed to pray for me and the congregation. She had discerned what was going on and had resisted it. But others might become completely deceived by that spirit and rise up against the work of the Lord. As an intercessor she then began praying against the work of that evil spirit. She phoned me to tell me what was going on.

Evil At Work

That spirit of offence caused people to feel offended or to take up an offence against me, for no cause. Unsuspecting people would fall prey to the feelings of offence and assume there must be substance behind them; otherwise (they thought) they would not be feeling those things.

When the intercessor encountered those feelings she was initially caught up in them, but then stopped to discern what was going on. She realised that the feelings were baseless, just as waking in a good or bad mood is completely random, not based on real circumstances.

She then resisted the feelings, praying against the spirit of offence, and the feelings lifted from her. There was no way she could then feel offence toward me. The feelings of offence were not based on substance, but were spiritually generated.

My Concern For My Friend

I advised my ministry friend that there has been a similar strategy to entangle him, and probably his family, in experiences where relationships have become strained by offence. Once one person takes up an offence they are trapped with it in their arms and it spoils the relationships around them.

I explained… “I expect that you have felt offended by the way people have treated you and responded to you at times. They may well have treated you poorly at times, because they were under this same spirit of offence creating a feeling of offence when no offence existed at all. Once the offence is taken up further offences occur, and this creates substance on a non-existent foundation.

I believe you need to become free from the offences which others have put on you, for good reasons or no reasons at all. The enemy has made ‘offence’ an Achilles heel to your ministry. It has been his master plan to entangle you and to besmirch your reputation with a cloud of indefinite negative feeling.

Claiming Victory

The Lord wants you to wear a spirit of Joy, based on the fact that you are “accepted in the beloved” and that no matter who or what stands against you it cannot separate you from the love of God. No weapon formed against you will prosper. You don’t need to take up offence, even toward those who have taken up offence against you without cause. If you do that, you will be “overcome by evil” instead of overcoming evil with good.

You need to become a man of awesome grace, giving grace to people who feel or express offence toward you. This enemy strategy has been broken, but it may still have after-shocks or ripples for some time. During that process you need to triumph in your spirit against this evil assignment.

I suggest that you even make it a discipline to remember those who have offended you, taken up an offence, withstood you, ignored you, rejected you and the like, and those to whom you have felt barriers or taken up an offence. You then need to pray blessing on them.

Remember the command of Christ to “bless those who curse you, pray for those who despitefully use you”.

Grace Wins Out

Your ministry of grace, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, will neutralise the residue of offence. As you become abandoned in blessing others, laughing when they misunderstand or oppose you, blessing them while they are trying to curse you, the dam will burst. All the grace which is yours but which has been withheld from you will break free and pour over your life and ministry.

It will sweep you to the nations, to be welcomed and loved and appreciated. Those who have neglected you and dismissed you, withholding the honour that is your due, will have a change of heart and find themselves full hearted in appreciation for who you are and what God is doing in and through you.

Now, every word is to be confirmed by the mouth of 2 or 3 witnesses, so I’m not imposing this on you as some final authority. I trust who you are in the Lord and your heart to walk closely with Him. So I simply submit this to you. I’m barracking for your ministry. I have seen in vision form what God is doing with you and I want it to come to full fruition. So I bless you in the name of the Lord and humbly submit what I have sensed, confident that you and the Lord make a great team and can sort out what to do from here, whether I’m right or wrong.