We come now to a tragic result of severe rejection, which haunts the lives of many rejection sufferers. It is what I call the “Curse of Rejection”. I also refer to it as the “Cloud of Rejection”, because of how it seems to function in the life of the rejection victim.
You may well identify people in your mind who became the classic “Reject” and who live with a curse of rejection on everything they do. I can think of several examples, and I was able to describe this terrible result of rejection from my knowledge of what life was like for them.
We all probably suffer some form of rejection or rebuttal, neglect or similar negative experiences from time to time. However some people suffer what we could describe as “deep rejection”. This is where they may be raised by someone with serious rejection issues, or have been so cruelly abandoned and despised, that the rejection wounds in their life are much deeper and stronger than for most people.
When this intense rejection impacts a life it often results in a spirit of rejection becoming attached to the person’s life. So now the problem is more than just their emotional pain and mental torment, but has a powerful spiritual dimension as well.
The spiritual curse of rejection, for want of a better way to term it, is the case where a person is dogged continually with their rejection. Rather than simply suffering with the pain of past experience, it is as if a demon is assigned to their life to ensure that they encounter fresh experiences of rejection on a daily basis.
Usually people who suffer this deep rejection and curse of rejection have become distorted by their past experiences and are so uncomfortable with life and people that they just don’t fit anywhere very well.
Their own feelings contribute to the problem, but it goes beyond that. Even if they clean themselves up and try to fool a completely new group of people that they are “normal”, it won’t work. It is as if a spirit (or demon) of rejection advertises that the person is a “reject”, like a really bad smell hanging in the air.
The Cloud of Rejection
To my way of seeing it, it is as if the deeply rejected person, with their curse of rejection, is carrying around a neon cloud everywhere they go. The cloud keeps flashing the word “Reject! Reject!” over their head. This ensures that everyone who meets them feels uncomfortable with them, wants to get away, has little time for them and adds to their experience of rejection.
I use the cloud in my simple image of this Curse of Rejection. The cloud, although not seen in reality, is sensed by others and causes them to feel like rejecting the person carrying the cloud.
The tragedy for the rejected person is that there is no escape from their on-going experience of rejection. Changing city, changing job, changing their image and changing their friends, all prove fruitless efforts. That’s because they take their problem with them.
The problem is spiritual, not material. It cannot be put off, like a change of clothes. It becomes a part of who they are as a person.
They end up with unhappy experiences at school, work, social events, their home town, and so on. Their family and associates fit in with those same places with happy experiences, yet the reject is dogged by continual unpleasant encounters, and the feeling that they never really fit in or make it in those settings.
Several of those I think of as fitting this description have gained my admiration for their dogged determination to survive, despite the continued current pulling against their lives. I cannot but admire the resilience and determination, and even determined optimism, of some who have been kicked at every corner, and yet are determined to make life work as best they can.
It may even be true that some of life’s most determined survivors have not come from comfortable and loving backgrounds, but from challenging up-hill battles with the very basic experiences of life.
The tragedy is the pain which those people live with, that is never resolved, despite their achievements and successes along the way. Some are buried in a life-long fight with reality, unable to enjoy the taste of their success, because of the bitter taste of their rejection overriding it all.
The first person I ever knew who carried this cloud of rejection is a fellow school-mate whom I know only as “Scabbo”. He was a few years younger than me at high school and he came from a hard-luck background. It seems he had no friends and little to commend him socially.
What he did have was a determination to survive, and he did so by collecting empty glass soft-drink bottles around the school-yard. Thus he was a scavenger, from which his derogatory nickname, Scabbo, was derived by the students.
When the boys had finished their drinks at lunch they would start to chant, “Scabbo! Scabbo!” and when the boy came into sight they would throw their bottles in different directions. The lad would hurriedly go after them, so he could get the refund coin for each bottle. As he did so there would be a loud chorus of “Scabbo!” chanted by all who watched.
Amazingly the young man just took all that in his stride. He was hardened to the harsh treatment and didn’t seem to expect anything better. He was one of life’s losers, so he was determined to at least get what he could, which was the cash for the bottles.
I found myself deeply hurt on his behalf. But, like all the others, I dared not associate with the boy, as that would have brought me under his shame as well.
Parents of a child who is constantly rejected and victimised may well take the child out of school and place him in a “better” school. Yet, where ever the child goes next, they will be rejected all over again. If the parents believe it is just the school environment, or the local situation, they will be discouraged to find that the next school and situation turns out remarkably similar.
Some parents may even send their child to a “Christian” school, where the “good” children are, so their child will not be badly treated. But even there, people are people, and they fall prey to the message from the Cloud of Rejection, and despise the new kid on the playground.
The situation is impossible to remedy, without dealing with the spiritual context in which the child is trapped. The curse must be broken and the spirit of rejection removed from the life that is oppressed.
While the fuller picture of remedy will be presented later, allow me to shine the light of hope for those who can identify with what is described here.
Jesus Christ was made a ‘curse’ for us. The anointing of the Holy Spirit turns our mourning into dancing and opens the prison doors with which we are trapped.
“Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for our benefit: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangs on a tree” Galatians 3:13
“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing: you have removed my sackcloth, and clothed me with gladness” Psalm 30:11
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is on me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings to the meek; he has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of prison to them that are bound; ….. to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1-3
Look to the Lord in hope, for it is He who is ready and keen to deliver you from the curse of rejection, filling you with His perfect love, and turning all of your burdened life into a lifestyle of rejoicing.