Resentment Revisited 2

by Leave a Comment

This is the second part of an article exposing our human tendency to withhold forgiveness and to allow resentment, bitterness and anger to rule our hearts. (see below for links to the first 2 articles on Resentment: Resolving Resentment and Resentment Revisited)

Our human heart objects to forgiving others and relies on several tricks to excuse its unforgiveness.  One trick is to give partial forgiveness and then stop forgiving, as if you now have a right to be hard hearted, because you have already shown grace.

We saw that resentments come from our unresolved issues of the past, where withholding forgiveness makes issues out of those things we hold onto.  Now let’s look at another source of resentments.

The Way I Want It

Another source of resentments is our selfish desire to have things our way.  We all want to be loved, valued and appreciated, and we all want to have an easy life if we can get it.

Once we have determined the way we want things to be we can easily fall into resentment of those who upset our plans, block fulfilment of our will and so on.

If we don’t get the attention we want from family, spouse or friends we can become resentful.

If our spouse and family continually frustrate our hopes and dreams we can become resentful.

If our personal capacities let us down we can resent ourself and even resent God for making us with such limitations.

If you want peace and quiet you will resent those who take it from you.  If you want lots of intimacy, you will resent the spouse that is not interested.  If you want to live in a big house you will resent those that obstruct that objective.  If you want to be the centre of attention you will resent those you must compete with and those who don’t value you as much as you want.

“We weren’t supposed to start a family so quickly.”  “I wasn’t counting on your health being such a problem.”  “I didn’t expect your family to be so interfering.”  “Why don’t people just leave me in peace?”  “I really thought you were going to make something of yourself.”  “I never expected you to be so much like your mum.”  “I thought I could trust you to make wise decisions but you just keep messing things up.”

How do you like things to be?  Do your spouse and family frustrate your hopes and dreams?  Have you forgiven them yet or are you carrying resentment toward them?

It Is Not Fair

Justice issues are another interesting area of resentment.  Are you intolerant of injustice?  Such intolerance appears to be very noble, but you may actually be a slave to bitterness.

I have seen people get on their high horse, as the expression has it, and go charging into a situation in defence of justice.  They are incensed by something they will not let pass: someone wrongly judged; someone not sharing properly; selfishness displayed; or whatever.  The justice champion cannot but dive into the situation and berate the offender.

A common expression of this motivation is the “It’s not fair!” claim so readily heard from the mouth of children.  What they are really saying is, “I’m offended by that”.

A wise parent teaches a child that life is not fair and that each of us must respond to our situations with godly character, grace and faith.  In the absence of such wisdom children learn to fight about the matter of fairness and become demanding, intolerant, hyper-sensitive and so on.

Don’t be fooled by your noble and righteous indignation at those who are selfish, arrogant, loud, exploitative, thoughtless or whatever.  I dare suggest that your reactions are evidence of issues you have not resolved, rather than a divine calling to right the wrongs on earth.

Cleaning the Garage

As I visited friends a few weeks ago I saw their neighbour trying to clean out her garage.  The mother of the family directed the exercise and her tone and demands clearly indicated that she was driving the project and had little trust in getting the help she needed voluntarily.

She shouted like a sergeant-major and found fault with the efforts of her husband and teenage son.  Within half an hour the husband drove off at high speed, revving his motor in what seemed to be a show of machismo, as if to say he is a real man and not really dominated by his wife.  The husband did not return until the whole ordeal was well over.  Several hours later the woman was still scolding the children helping her.  She was on a crusade and it sounded like a dreaded ordeal for all involved.

She probably had very good reasons to act as she did.  Her husband probably lets her down repeatedly.  Her children probably resent being recruited into her projects and subjected to her ugly attitude and tone.  It is probably a toxic experience for everyone.

And that’s consistent with the warning in Hebrews.  If you allow a root of bitterness to grow inside you then many people will be defiled (Hebrews 12:15 ).  In fact, the whole process gets poisoned.

And in such a case it is probably impossible to imagine handling the situation differently, without any resentment, but with plenty of grace.

Resentment Free

If all resentment was removed and thorough forgiveness given then there would be no hurt, disappointment, frustration, shame or similar negatives in the way of getting the job done.

In such a case a happy discussion and negotiation could be explored to see how best to achieve the objective.  Where disagreement exists then godly wisdom can be applied to come to a gracious agreement that does not grow a crop of bitterness.

Accusations and vilifications would not occur.  Despairing thoughts and emotional outbursts would not be part of the process.  Any ruffled feathers would be soon smoothed over by finding God’s grace and keeping that grace as the key quality of the whole exchange.

Manipulation would not be resorted to, nor taking command of the lives of others so as to squeeze from them the required obedience.

And I think to myself (to quote a line from a song), “What a wonderful world!”

How Else

Many a frustrated person will protest by asking, “If I don’t get angry and let people know how they let me down, how can I get them to do the right thing?”

I fully sympathise with the question, but please stop a moment and consider its implications.

The only mechanism you have developed in order to get things done to your satisfaction is an evil and toxic mechanism.  You are highly unqualified to lead any project at all if your skill set is limited to anger and abuse.  Rather than being a person of grace who can bless, train and lead others, you are so limited that your only powertool is toxic treatment of others.  You are actively sowing poison into others in order to get your will followed.

And who is to say your ideas of the “right thing” are correct?  If you have to contend with people to get them to fit in with your idea of what is right, then maybe you are the one who is out of order.

Why is YOUR way or YOUR priority, which others don’t seem to be supporting, the way that must be enforced?  What if you are trying to control and drive people to fulfil your agenda when God does not care as much for your agenda as you do?

Remember Martha telling Jesus to force Mary to do what Martha wanted, and Jesus saying that Martha had it wrong (see Luke 10:38-42).

Put Down that Knife

If you are a control freak, totally sold out to the offences that drive you, and determined to have your way, your justification, your vengeance or whatever else YOU think is vital, then you will have already gagged at what I am saying.  You will have your knives drawn to cut me down to size and let me know how justified you are in being angry, resentful, indignant, controlling and demanding, since you are standing on holy ground and everyone else is mired in irresponsibility, foolishness and self will.

But remember the words of Christ.  If you do not forgive you will not be forgiven (Matthew 6:14).  If you demand that others pay their debt to you then God will deliver you into the hands of ‘tormentors’ (Matthew 18:34,35).  And the torment you display suggests you are already under God’s sentence of punishment.

Check out my article titled Resolving Resentment to see the Biblical basis for these claims.

You have abandoned God’s grace and the mental and emotional distress that now drives you to torment others is a stinking mess that YOU have made.  Others have not made it for you.

You desperately need to apply forgiveness to all those who incense you and who you feel so offended by.  If you do not then you are doomed to deeper misery than you currently have and you will burn off more and more of your family and friends.  You are TOXIC, despite your prideful belief that you are on God’s side.

Better Solutions

People are selfish and irresponsible.  Your spouse, family, friends and associates fit that description.  You will be let down and hurt by those people.  That’s an everyday part of life.

You will either resent life or you will bring God’s grace into it.  As you learn to forgive and extend grace to people who do not deserve it, just as you want God to extend His grace to you when you don’t deserve it, life will become a blessing and a joy, instead of a wrangle.

In order to resolve differences and difficulties you have with your spouse, family or friends, you are best to start with a clean heart and free spirit.  Resentment, anger, frustration, jealousy, wilfulness, prejudice, and the like are barriers to the better solutions you need.  Remove those barriers immediately by giving open hearted forgiveness to all those who offend you.

Then work with God and your spouse, family and friends to find a godly and blessed solution.

You may have to change your priorities, because they are unrealistic.  You may have to accept others for who they really are, not who you want them to be.  You may need to inspire others to see the merit of things you hold dear.  You may need to see the wisdom of their different way of doing things, and give up your limited concepts about how things and what things are to be done.

You Choose

There are only two options in dealing with the upsets of life.  You either find and give God’s grace to those who offend and fail you, or you become bitter toward them, a root of bitterness springs up in your life and you and many others become defiled.

If your relationships involve contention, argument, disappointment, resentment, wrangling, hardness of heart, or similar negative elements, then you have already made bad choices in the past and are living with the toxic results.

I don’t have to live your life or live with you.  If you want to go ahead and mangle your life then do so as much as you want.  But please don’t live in deception any longer.  You are not a noble agent of God, but a miserable, selfish and bitter person who has personally chosen to come under the power of evil and to damage all those around you.  If you choose to live in unforgiveness then you have everything you deserve.

If you are willing to humble yourself, let me encourage you with this wonderful news.  By you simply following God’s instructions, forgiving all who offend you, God’s grace and His heavenly blessings will be released into your life, no matter how desperately bad things are right now.

“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both you and your offspring may live” Deuteronomy 30:19

The earlier articles on Resentment can be found by these links:
Resolving Resentment http://chrisfieldblog.com/2012/01/02/resolving-resentment
Resentment Revisited (part 1) http://chrisfieldblog.com/2012/09/12/resentment-revisited

Resentment Revisited

by Leave a Comment

Resentment is probably the most prevalent disease in relationships and marriages today.

In my previous Resolving Resentment article (http://chrisfieldblog.com/2012/01/02/resolving-resentment) I showed how Forgiveness is the key to unlocking and removing the resentments that poison relationships.

I now revisit Resentment to help bring home its presence and to help people grapple with its impact in their heart and home.  This article is in 2 parts so after you have read this, look for Resentment Revisited 2 to complete the thoughts I want to share with you.

Resisting Forgiveness

Our human heart is totally selfish and proud.  It resists forgiveness and chooses resentment.  Resentment is really just a soft label for bitterness.  Bitterness is totally toxic and means we have refused to show God’s grace to those we are offended by or angry with.

Our determination to be bitter means we quickly develop a variety of Objections to Forgiveness.  And what is more we can even pride ourselves that we gave partial forgiveness and have put up with the other person better than others might.  At heart we can be real ‘stinkers’!

Limited Forgiveness

A common approach to forgiveness is to give Partial Forgiveness and to applaud ourselves for doing so.  At heart we are Objecting to forgiveness, and using Partial Forgiveness as a way out of forgiveness.

We see an example of this in Peter the Apostle.  Peter accepted Jesus’ teaching about the need to forgive, but in his heart Peter really wanted to take a hard stand against those who offended him.  Look at the historical record of the event, recorded for us by Matthew the Tax Collector.

“Then came Peter to him (Jesus), and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times? Jesus said to him, I say not to you, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21,22

Peter thought that forgiving his brother SEVEN times was pretty good.  Imagine being offended by the same person the same way Seven Times!  That would be SO offensive.  Forgiving someone Seven times sounds pretty impressive under those circumstances.

Surely there has to be a limit to forgiveness.  If a husband continues to forget anniversaries, continues to drink too much, continues to embarrass his wife in public, continues to waste money, continues to ignore his wife’s advice, or continues any other offensive behaviour, then SURELY there must be a limit to any forgiveness.

And what about a wife who continues to ignore her husband’s wishes, continues to rubbish him to her friends, continues to nag him about his failings, continues to manipulate him, continues to frustrate his interest in intimacy, or continues any other offensive behaviour?  Surely there must be a limit to forgiveness in such cases.

Unlimited Forgiveness

Jesus responded to Peter’s question about limited forgiveness by saying there is no real limit to forgiveness.  We are to forgive and keep on forgiving.  What ever we think is our absolute limit needs to be multiplied ten times and then multiplied by the original number all over again.

If we offer ‘partial forgiveness’ then we have not truly forgiven.

And there is nothing to boast about that we have put up with this or that for so long or so many times.  There is no room for pride in our partial forgiveness.

What Really Happens

People normally put up with something that bothers them for a while, then decide they have a right to explode, react, get angry, resent the action and be bitter toward the offender.  People even see their short lived patience as a badge of honour and they usually broadcast the fact that they have been tolerant, as if that excuses their anger, resentment and final UNFORGIVENESS.

“I haven’t said anything for three days, but you just keep on doing what you are doing and so, ENOUGH is ENOUGH!”  “I’ve had a belly full of your behaviour and I’m not taking it any more.”  “This has gone TOO FAR!”  “I’ve been patient with you, and I haven’t said anything before, but I just have to tell you that I am angry with what you are doing.”  “You have no idea what you have put me through and how patient I have been!”

Despite all those high sounding self affirmations about how wonderful we have been putting up with the other person’s faults, what really happens is that we give in to Unforgiveness.  We choose to be Unforgiving and to then be angry, resentful, judgmental, condemning, etc.

Our pride justifies our anger and unforgiveness and we commend ourselves for having temporarily endured the offence, when in truth we have violated God’

Human Limits

Whether we actually ‘forgive’ or just try to tolerate the other person’s behaviour for a while we usually have pretty short limits.  Peter thought that forgiving SEVEN times was pretty impressive.

It could even be that Peter was proud of his incredible willingness to forgive an offender Seven times.  He had no hesitation in offering the idea to Jesus, as if it was a pretty good offer.

Our human hearts are evil and so we don’t want to act like God or Christ and to forgive.  That is why Christ warned us that if we do not forgive we will not be forgiven, Matthew 6:15.  We are so prone to reacting badly to other people’s failures, while wanting to be excused from our own.

Resentment is Resentment

Whether you give in to resentment the instant you are offended, or whether you forgive someone seven times before you give in to resentment, Resentment is still Resentment.  Anger is still anger.  Bitterness is still bitterness.  Unforgiveness is till unforgiveness, even if you gave partial forgiveness for a while before you reverted to unforgiveness.

Your temporary tolerance, incredible patience and limited forgiveness don’t count for anything.  You have allowed a root of bitterness to spring up and to defile you and those around you (Hebrews 12:15).  Your heart reaction is wrong, and you failed to give God’s grace to someone who needs it.

What is more, you set yourself up as judge.  Despite God’s warnings that we are not to judge others (Matthew 7:1) a person who becomes angry and resentful has stood in judgement of someone.  In fact, they have set themselves up as “Judge, Jury and Executioner”!  They judge the person to be out of order, find them to be “guilty” and then prescribe the punishment.  The punishment is that the offender is subjected to the anger and resentment of the one standing in judgement.

Our choice to resent someone means we think we can stand in God’s place and lord ourselves over the other person.  And that’s pride.

Growing Your Resentments

Where do resentments come from?  Obviously they come from our decision to be angry and unforgiving toward those who offend us.

By that process, however, we each grow our own garden of resentments, based on our past decisions about the things we will resent.  Some people have a flourishing garden of resentments and live their lives in a perpetual state of reaction to people who offend them.

Since this is so very debilitating, as well as against God’s instruction to show grace to people and even to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43,44), we should have a closer look at how this process takes place in our lives.

People I Dislike

When we are offended by a person or a situation and allow resentment to spring up we easily become resentful of all people or situations that remind us of that original offence.

You will be familiar with the idea that, “I just can’t stand people like that!”  Whatever the “like that” is in your case, and whatever it is that you can’t stand, it represents a pet resentment you are growing in your life.

The problem for you is that you have been offended in the past and not given forgiveness to the one who offended or wronged you.

Guess what might be unresolved in your life if you say things like these.  “I can’t stand bossy people.”  “I can’t tolerate such injustice.”  “That look on someone’s face makes my blood boil.”  “I have absolutely no time for people like that.”  “Don’t raise your eyebrows at me when I’m talking to you!”  “You just think you’re SO superior, don’t you.”  “I’m not going to let that happen to me ever again.”  “I won’t have someone looking down at me.”
People have issues about being belittled, ignored, misunderstood, misrepresented, falsely accused, taken for granted, used and rejected.  Some people engage the rest of their lives trying to even some score, prove some point, vindicate themselves, right some wrong or otherwise react to some offence they have never forgiven.

Learned Intolerances

Every time we fail to show God’s grace to someone who wrongs us we become trapped in bitterness.  We are warned that the only alternative to giving grace is to have a “root of bitterness” spring up in our life (Hebrews 12:15).

We don’t like the word ‘bitterness’ so we use such terms as resentment, anger, frustration and intolerance, because those things sound reasonable, and can even be justified as a righteous response to someone else’s evil.

The examples can be quite obvious, like having a bossy older sister causing people to be intolerant of strong minded women.  At the same time we each have unique and personal opportunities to learn intolerance toward certain types of people or behaviour.  Our intolerance is really a sign of a root of bitterness inside us.

People despise the favoured child in their family, feeling wronged by not getting the same attention.  People despise the over confident person who always outperforms them.  People resent others who get privileges they did not get.  And on it goes.  Much of the energy behind feminism is fuelled by feelings of resentment toward males.

What are your intolerances?

Resolve It

Discovering your intolerances and uncovering your bitterness is not a game where you get to bring up how others have hurt you.  It is a vital challenge to your heart, calling you to whole-heartedly forgive those who have offended you in the past.

Don’t revisit your pain, but RESOLVE IT!

All the unfinished business in your heart needs to be removed by you forgiving every offender who ever wronged you.  Give up your unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment and anger.  Despite what those people have done, your only hope of a better future is for you to forgive them.

If you do not forgive them you end up in the hands of spiritual tormentors, as Jesus warns in Matthew 18:34,35.  So the mess you are now in is not because of the way they treated you but because of your refusal to forgive them.

Stop blaming others for their faults when YOU are the worst enemy to your happiness and blessing.

Grow up and resolve your issues right now, by choosing to forgive people who don’t deserve to be forgiven, just as you want God to forgive you even though you don’t deserve it.

There is More

If you find these thoughts helpful then look out for the second part of this article on Resentment Revisited.  I have additional practical insights to share with you, so you can be free and so you can help others.

Look out for Resentment Revisited 2.

Love Your Neighbour Skit

by 1 Comment

I recently gave a talk to children about Christ’s Command to Love our Neighbour.
I wrote the following skit to help get some points over and it went really well.  My son Isaac, and his friend Angus did a great job with this and the kids and grown ups laughed a lot.
So I’m sharing this for others to use if they want to….

LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR SKIT

Storyline: A character called Sam Arratan has just become a Christian and needs to learn to love his neighbour and thus be a Good Sam Arratan.

Man:    Hello, are you Mr Arratan.

Sam:    Yes, I’m Sam. I’m Sam Arratan.

Man:    Nice to meet you, Sam. I hear you just became a Christian.

Sam:    Yes. Now Jesus is Lord of my life.

Man:    That’s wonderful. So that means He gets to tell you what to do. If you don’t do what He says, then He isn’t really LORD, is He?

Sam:    OK, I’m ready for my first instruction from Christ, since I have just made Him Lord of my life. What is it?

Man:    (Opens Bible and reads) “Love Your Neighbour just the same way you love yourself!”

Sam:    What? I can’t do that. My neighbours are mean and nasty.

Man:    Well, Christ’s command is to Love your Neighbour, so that’s what you have to do, no matter what your neighbours are like.

Sam:    I think I’ll move to some place where I don’t have any neighbours.

Man:    No, you will always have many neighbours.

Sam:    Not if I move to the country and live on a huge farm in the middle of the desert. Or maybe I could live on a tropical island in the middle of the ocean. Hmmm, or maybe I could live on the Moon.

Man:    You are Exasperating!

Sam:    No, I’m Sam. Sam Arratan!

Man:    Well, Sam, Neighbours are not just the people who live next door to you, but all the people you meet.

Sam:    OK, I’ll become a monk and I’ll live away from everyone. I’ll live on top of a pole in the desert! That’s what Saint Simeon did over 1,000 years ago.

Man:    But, you’re missing something. God never asks us to do something without giving us the ability to do His will.

Sam:    So God can give me the ability to love my neighbours?

Man:    Of course He can, if you ask Him.

Sam:    So, how am I supposed to love people who I don’t like?

Man:    Well, firstly let’s discover what real LOVE is. It’s when you want what is best for someone else, no matter how hard it is for you to give it to them.

Sam:    So, I have to want what is BEST for them, even if it makes things hard for me?

Man:    Yes.

Sam:    Like, when I want them to get their broken window fixed, but I don’t want them to know it was me who hit the ball?

Man:    Yes. Or when you help them, when you’d rather be off playing with your friends or just reading a book.

Sam:    That’s going to be hard.

Man:    If God is helping you, it really will be quite easy and it will bring you great blessing as well.

Sam:    But how many hours each Sunday do I have to do this?

Man:    Oh, you don’t just do it on Sundays. You do it every day of the week.

Sam:    Mornings or afternoons?

Man:    All day.

Sam:    So after the sun goes down I can forget about it.

Man:    No, it’s ALL day, including the night.

Sam:    Like 24/7?

Man:    Yes, 24/7.

Sam:    So, when I get to 24 I’ll help 7 people?

Man:    No, silly. You have to love your neighbour 24 hours every day, 7 days a week.

Sam:    What about a Leap Week?

Man:    There’s no such thing as a Leap Week.

Sam:    Oh. I was just hoping.

Man:    You are SO exasperating.

Sam:    No, I’m Sam. Sam Arratan!

Man:    Well, Sam, Any time your neighbour has a need, you would help them if you love them.

Sam:    Well, that pretty girl down the street, I could love her.

Man:    No. Love isn’t that nice feeling you feel toward a pretty girl. It’s when you make a choice to do the right thing, even when it’s hard. Feelings don’t come into it.

Sam:    I think they do. If I was raking the grass for my nasty neighbour, I’d sure have some FEELINGS about that.

Man:    Then you’ll have to die to those feelings.

Sam:    Now you want me DEAD!

Man:    No, it’s an expression. It means you have to give up those feelings and do what Christ asks you, no matter how hard it seems to be.

Sam:    Do you know where I can get a pole?

Man:    Oh, you’re just SO EXASPERATING.

Sam:    No, I’m Sam. Sam Arratan.

Man:    Well, Mr Sam Arratan, I want to make you into a Good Sam Arratan!

Sam:    A Good Samaritan! Hey I know that story. It’s about a man who helped some poor sucker who got bashed up.

Man:    Yes, he wanted the best for the injured man, even though it cost him time and money. He put the injured man on his donkey and took him to the inn.

Sam:    Do you really want me to become a Good Sam Arratan?

Man:    Yes.

Sam:    OK, where can I get a donkey?

Man:    Oh, you’re SO EXASPERATING.

Sam:    No, I’m Sam. My name’s Sam …

Man:    ARRATAN. Yes, I know.

Sam:    So, I really have to love my neighbour, do I?

Man:    Well, it’s not my idea. That’s what Christ Himself commands us to do.

Sam:    Well have you ever had to love your neighbour?

Man:    Do you mean, have I ever had to want the best for someone?

Sam:    Yes.

Man:    Someone who is stupid and who really needs a lot of help.

Sam:    Well, yes.

Man:    (glares at him) What do you think I’m doing right now?

Sam:    So, you love me?

Man:    I’m trying to.

(discussion continues as they move toward the exit)

Sam:    Is it my hair? Or my good looks? Maybe it’s my muscles? I’m pretty intelligent too. I was top of my class in pre-school.

Man:    Oh, you’re SO EXASPERATING!

Sam:    No, I’m SAM. SAM ARRATAN. (exit)

Frank Talk by Dr Frank Hultgren

by 4 Comments

frank hultgren.jpgI was recently asked about my early days.
A younger pastor was looking for the secret to my long life of ministry and the peculiar anointings I have enjoyed.
That prompted me to reflect on sixty years of ministry, as a Pentecostal pastor, a Charismatic leader, a sought after speaker, an internationally recognised prophetic voice and more recently a chaplain and teacher at Oral Roberts University.

Yes, it is true that God has used me in wonderful ways.  And on top of all that there are dealings of God and spiritual challenges I have had to face that were outside the public view.  And in it all God has been faithful and God has given me amazing opportunities beyond my expectation.

So, what is the secret to all of that?  How did an insecure, lanky Aussie lad end up on the global stage?  How did I, with all my limitations, get to speak powerfully into the lives of some of the world’s best known names in Christian ministry?  How is it that doors of ministry and the doors of hard to get into homes and places opened up to me?

Let me tell you, it wasn’t through education.  I’m no dummy, but I never sought academic merit.  My approach was much simpler than that.

And it wasn’t through mentoring.  If there is one pain I carry after all these years and all the wonderful things I have been privileged to do it is that I never had anyone to train me and guide me through those difficult pioneering years.  If I have a word for today’s upcoming leaders, take advantage of the abundant input that is readily available to you.  Listen to the voices of those willing to speak into your life.  You have no idea how precious that is and how much I longed for it through decades of my life.

It wasn’t through perfect theology.  As I think back on those early sermons I preached to those small AOG congregations that us early Pentecostal preachers cared for in the first half of last century I know there are things I’d never preach again.  In fact, Jesus personally visited me on at least one occasion, just to make sure I didn’t preach what I had been preaching.

And it wasn’t through my denomination.  In those early days there was only one Pentecostal denomination, Assemblies of God.  It was the light to my nation for all who would open to the Holy Spirit.  Yet the day came when God instructed June and me to pull out of the AOG.  We cried for days.  We had so little to rely on, and Jesus took even that away from us.

So, what was it that made all the difference?  How did God get through to a young buck who had so little to get him through?

What I had, and I had it in good measure, was Desperation!

God gripped my heart with a sense of the sheer futility of what I was trying to do, preaching a message people didn’t care for, in a land that was so needy, with so little to give and so little power to change anything.  I became desperate.

I became desperate for the church.  I love the church and I hurt for those believers who so needed the power of God and so needed the touch of God, but who seemed to come up empty so often.

I longed to see the power of God.  I longed to see the church grow.  I longed to see a smile on the face of Jesus as His bride was made ready for Him.

But all I had in those early days were the simple messages we had been taught, and a handful of people, standing up for a truth the mainstream churches rejected, and having to go alone in just about everything we did.

Then Jesus heard my cry.

I can’t say that everything changed overnight.  It didn’t.  Many changes took years to take shape.  And many of the changes came at a price.

I mentioned having to give up the AOG.  How bitter the pain of that breach!  I knew it was God’s leading, but I could not understand it.  I had to die to my own understanding and be humble and simple enough to do what He wanted, when it tore me apart.

Yet in just a few short years I ended up pastoring a Congregational church, and was in the perfect position to make a major deposit into the emerging Charismatic revival of the 1960’s.  How wise God is!  The Charismatics rejected the Pentecostals but they looked to me for input, because of my Congregational label.

Unexpectedly I found myself invited to places I had never dreamed of, including monasteries, speaking powerfully into the lives of Catholic priests, nuns, mothers superior and hungry souls from all manner of churches.  What a privilege!  What a wonder!

But the desperation did not lift even with all of that.  Instead it has remained with me.

A life verse for me is found in Jeremiah 29:12: “Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.”

That verse was my call to prayer.  I am recognised by some as a man of prayer, but I don’t try to be.  I simply respond to the desperation to know God and to see His hand at work.  He has called me to call on Him.  He has promised me that when I call out to Him He hears.  Hallelujah!

And He has listened!  He heard the longing of a long-legged preacher from the backside of Australia and He opened the world to me.

And let me assure you that the dealings of God are far from over in my life.  Just in this past week God gave me powerful revelation about significant spiritual things in my life.  That’s what He often does before opening up amazing new doors for me.

Before I was invited to be on staff at ORU God did a deep work in my heart.  When Richard Roberts called me personally and urged me to be part of what God is doing there I was already prepared by the dealings of God.

God hasn’t finished with me yet and I’m keen to keep flowing with His will, because the church isn’t ready yet.  There are needs to be met.  There are churches to plant and lives to see transformed.

I am privileged to be part of God’s work in this past century.  And I am pleased to be able to say that I am totally unqualified for all that God did in and through me.  It is HIM!  And I say that with delight, knowing there is a whole army of men and women waiting to serve the Lord who need to know that if God can use me so wonderfully as He has, then God can use them too.

Let me be Frank with you (excuse the pun), but I don’t have a lot of time for today’s church programs.  I miss the Bible songs and I don’t like lightweight messages.  I urge you not to be a product of your generation, but to be desperate for more.  Be desperate for more of God, more revelation, more miracles, more power, more of God’s Kingdom on earth.

I can’t tell you that it will lead to an easy road.  It certainly didn’t for June and me.  But I wouldn’t exchange the past sixty years for anything.  And I am in anticipation about what God is yet to do through me before my use-by date comes up.

Be Desperate for God.  He’s watching your heart right now to see if you’ll be desperate for Him.

Dr Frank has permitted me to post this article for him.
For those who do not yet know this wonderful man of God he is based in Perth, Western Australia, where he has spent most of his ministry life.
Frank not only pastored AOG churches and became a significant Charismatic leader in the past century, but in recent years he was based at ORU in the USA, where he was a profound and prophetic voice into the lives of significant Christian ministries. Much of what he was privileged to input is not for public knowledge, but suffice it to say that Dr Frank has had significant impact in those lives.
I hope to present further contributions by Dr Frank if and when they become available.
Dr Frank authored several books which you may care to check out, including Breaking Eve’s Curse and Prophetic Insights into Spiritual Warfare.

Expectations

by Leave a Comment

We all have expectations.  Optimists have positive expectations.  Pessimists have negative expectations.  And most of the issues we have with people and life are based on our expectations.  So a question we should ask is, ‘Why have expectations at all?’

Expectations lead us to the pain of ‘hope deferred’ (Proverbs 13:12).  If our expectations are not fulfilled we become upset and that can lead us to strife with others or cause us to pull back from them.

People often express displeasure with others based on their expectations.  Consider the conversations you hear among your friends, or even on the media.  People often express their disapproval of the actions of their spouse, children, boss, employees, friends, government, etc.

But just because we hold an expectation does not make us right.  Our expressed disapproval might sound like an expression of high moral values and our privileged right to find fault with others, but it is actually a violation of God’s instruction to us that we are not to judge others, otherwise we will be judged (Matthew 7:1).

Wrong Expectations

Our expectations can be completely wrong, no matter how deeply held.

A wife might complain, “My husband comes home and watches TV!”

Well, that puts him among millions of other husbands.  So, what’s the problem?

The problem is she had a different expectation.  She may really want him to do chores, or to give her personal attention, or to play with the kids, or help the kids with their homework, or make repairs or just be busy rather than appearing lazy.

Whatever her expectation it is the basis for her judgment, disapproval, frustration, resentment, etc.

Similarly a husband may complain about his wife not pleasing him, when she does many things for him that other wives do not do.  The problem is not the amount of things she does, but whether what she does matches his expectations.

Those expectations could lead to bitterness, feelings of rejection and even divorce.

These issues are often brought up to couples planning to wed, to show that the families of origin have different modes of operation and different values, which lead the couple to have different ideas of what they and the other should do.

The word EXPECTATIONS cuts to the heart of this problem.

Susan’s Expectations

Recently my wife expressed disappointment with me because we had arranged to chat about something and her expectation of how I would engage in the process was different to mine.  I did not realise she had a specific expectation of me and my failure to meet her expectations was a disappointment to her.

This simple moment of mismatched expectations became a good prompt for me to distil the process of unfulfilled expectations impacting our lives.

Expressing Expectations

We all encounter times when others, especially our spouse or family members, do not meet our expectations.  And at times we may even feel that God has not met our expectations.

Consider how easy it is for people with expectations to say such things as: “He wasn’t supposed to do that”; “I never expected to hear her say such a thing”; “Why did God let it happen?”; “Are you just going to sit there and do nothing about this?”; “I never thought you’d let me down like this”; “You don’t care, do you?”; “You’ve really let me down this time”; “Life wasn’t meant to turn out like this”; “Why did this have to happen to me?”; “I deserve better than this”; “I have every right to be angry”.
On the other hand, people often find themselves facing the disapproval of others without really understanding what they have done wrong.  “I had no idea I was supposed to do such a thing”, “What in the world did I do wrong now?”, “Why can’t you be happy with what I do?”, “I did it the way you said”, “I thought you’d like it, that’s why I went out of my way to do this for you”, “What’s the use? No matter what I do I get in trouble”.

Inner Needs and Desires

Expectations are based on our inner needs and desires.  We want people to please us.  We want things to go well for us.  We want things our way.  So we set up expectations that others will please us and we will get our way.  When this doesn’t happen we accuse the others of failing us, rather than facing our own inner expectations.

When our expectations bring us into strife with others we can be sure that they are based on pride and selfishness.  When our expectations cause us to feel hurt by others it is most likely that we have made that person an idol in our life and are looking to them to bring us fulfilment and personal benefits which we should be looking only to God to bring to us.

Expectations and Wants

Our expectations are closely linked to our wants.

Consider the interchange of the word ‘expect’ and ‘want’ in the following sentences.

“Surely you don’t expect me to believe that!”

“Do you expect me to wait around all day for you?”

“The children expect me to wait on them hand and foot.”

“I expect you to take notice of my wishes and to fulfil them.”

“I expect this mess to be cleaned up by the time I return.”

If we have many expectations of others then we could also be seen as someone who is highly demanding or desiring to control others.  Expectations, wants and demands are often interchangeable.

Death to Expectations

Imagine what life would be like if you had no expectations and made no demands on others or on life itself.
If you saw your life as a responsibility to please and worship God and to fulfil His will for you life, with no expectations more than that life will happen and you will enjoy eternity with God when this life ends, then you would not end up in arguments with people about how they fail you.

If you had no expectations of others, or of life itself, you would accept whatever comes your way and do your best for God’s glory.  Husbands would love their wife no matter how she treated him, and wives would submit to their husbands no matter what he was like.  Parents would love and train their children without resorting to disapproval, manipulation or control.  People would serve God whether it was easy or hard and endure all manner of challenges with faith and patience.

Expectations are Toxic

When we hold expectations of others we elevate that person to the place of an idol in our lives.  We see them as a source of something we want, when God is our source.  We think that if our spouse, parents, children, others or society was to treat us a certain way then we would be fulfilled and happy.  But we are to be fulfilled and happy in God, not by the provisions of others.  If we look to others then they are effectively an idol we have put our trust in, in the place of God.

Expectations of God

We are to have positive expectations of God, because He is holy and totally reliable.  His word is true.

But even there, we must remember that God is sovereign and that when God does us good it may not be the way we would have ordered it.

Deep trials are often a way of God doing us good, as we see illustrated in Psalm 107.

We also see how David the shepherd boy faced two fearful menaces, a bear and a lion.  That’s not what the average shepherd sees as a good thing.  They would not normally order such experiences if they had the choice.  But for David his encounters with the lion and bear qualified him to take on Goliath and become a champion (1Samuel 17:36).

David’s famous Psalm 23 talks of having our head anointed with oil and sitting at a banqueting table.  But the road to such a place is through the “valley of the shadow of death”.

Claiming Scripture

God assures us that “all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28) and we are to believe that God “is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6).  We also know that nothing can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38,39).

So we are to have high expectations of God.

Yet Revelation 4:11 tells us we are not on the planet for our own pleasure but for God’s pleasure.  Jesus told us to “seek first the Kingdom of God” (Matthew 6:33).

We are to live in high expectation of God, while at the same time trusting God when things appear to go wrong, and allowing God to take us on His road, not the road of our choosing.

Let Go

As we mature in life we have each learned to let go of things.  As we do, we experience increased freedom.  So why not accelerate your personal growth right now by taking stock of your expectations and letting go of them?

Let go of your expectations of your spouse.  You probably expect them to please you and fulfil you.  Well, let go.  Give up such expectations.  If you get such things treat it as a blessing, not as a right you can demand.  Choose to love and serve God, no matter what your spouse is or does.

Let go of your expectations toward your children or parents.  Much of what you want them to be or do is probably linked to your personal values and wishes.  Thank God for your family.  Trust your children to God.  Do what God asks of you as a child and as a parent, and leave the rest to Him.

Let go of your expectations of life.  It has been said that ‘happiness is a means of travel, not a destination’.  Enjoy the life God has given you and do all you do to the glory of God.  Rejoice, whether you abound or are in lack.

Ask God to show you your expectations and as you discover them from time to time, probably by feeling upset by someone not meeting your expectations, ask God to forgive you for holding such expectations and for judging others, and then give up that expectation altogether.

I believe there is great freedom for us all to enjoy as we do.