Faith Factor 7 – Measuring

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My faith mentor has been Moses. As a young, single man I found great inspiration in the example of Moses as the man of faith who trusted God when all the people in his care gave in to panic.

What I love about Moses is his ability to get a reward from God by his action of measuring something out from God’s supply. I call Moses my “Measuring Mentor”. He shows me how to measure out things from God: how to take hold of what God has to give and to bring it into reality.

I will explain the significance of this by first giving a Biblical basis for “measuring” then showing you how the nation of Israel failed to trust God. I will then contrast the example of the Children of Israel with the response that came from the heart of their leader, Moses. I trust by then that you will see what a powerful example Moses is.

What is Measuring?

I have shown you that God has a Storehouse of Grace which contains all the blessings we will ever need through all eternity. That Storehouse is filled with things which Jesus purchased for us. The key to the door of the Storehouse is faith.

Measuring, then, is the process of believing for the things which we are confident that God has for us in His Storehouse of Grace. Measuring is a term to describe putting in your order at the store. It is the process of determining what we can expect to get delivered to us.

If we have a tiny cup as our measure, then we will measure out tiny quantities. If we have a bucket, we will measure out more. If we expect God to get us through then we are measuring out the result of “getting through”. If we expect God to give us abundance, then we are measuring out abundance.

Biblical Measures

God takes “measures” seriously. His laws condemn the use of inaccurate scales. And God also warns that our decision about how we measure things will have direct impact on what is measured to us.

“For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged: and with what measure you measure out to others, it will be measured out to you again.” Matthew 7:2

“Give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, men will give into your bosom. For with the same measure you measure out with it will be measured back to you again.” Luke 6:38

Faith involves that process of deciding what we will measure out from God’s Storehouse. If we measure out little or much the outcome is decided by our faith.

Taking Hold

Measuring is part of that process of taking hold. While holding on, which we saw in an earlier lesson, enables us to hang in there, ‘taking hold’ encourages us to reach out and take possession of what we want to receive from God.

Jesus Christ taught us to choose what we would take hold of, in His simple instruction to us to “ask”.

“Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you: For every one that asks receives; and he that seeks finds; and to him that knocks it will be opened.” Matthew 7:7,8

When you ask God for anything you are in fact taking hold of it. You are measuring it out for yourself. However, the degree to which you really believe God will give it is the level of your faith.

Faith Storms Heaven

Jesus spoke of people who pressed in to take possession of what God had for them. The Kingdom of Heaven, Jesus said, was stormed and taken possession of by those who were “violent”, or determined to have the blessings.

“And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.” Matthew 11:12

Those who are bold in faith will take hold of the benefits of God’s Kingdom. The Roman Centurion mentioned in Matthew 8:10 is an example of a man who expected to receive a miracle from God.

Faith Creates Substance

The Faith Chapter (Hebrews 11) starts with the statement that faith takes the place or substance and evidence. Faith becomes the proof of the outcome, to the person who has that faith.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

Faith acts as if the reality has already arrived. It does not wait for other evidence, since faith itself acts as the substance and evidence that is needed.

Faith is “Now”

Did you notice in that previous verse that faith operates in the “now”? Faith is not a hope for something tomorrow. Faith has a very present potency about it. Faith takes possession of God’s blessings in the here and now.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

Faith operates in the “NOW”, not in the hope-so future. Faith steps out with the confidence that the substance is real in the here and now!

Israel’s Failure

The nation of Israel failed to have a faith that expected good things from God. With each new challenge they faced as they left Egypt and went into the wilderness caused them to panic, react and show that they did not trust God. All the miracles they had seen did not convince them that they could and should trust God. Israel is described in Psalm 78 in quite disparaging terms.

“…. a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not steadfast with God.” Psalm 78:8

“They kept not the covenant of God, and refused to walk in his law, And forgot his works, and his wonders that he had shown them.” Psalm 78:10,11

Israel provoked the Most High God, tempted God, spoke against God, did not believe in God and did not trust in His salvation (Psalm 78:17-19, 22). Then they did not believe His wondrous works, were not steadfast in His covenant, provoked and grieved Him, tempted God and did not keep His testimonies (Psalm 78:32,37,40,56).

As a result of this refusal to have faith in God, Israel missed much of what God had for them. Psalm 81 gives some insight into what Israel failed to receive from God.

“So I gave them up to their own hearts’ lust: and they walked in their own counsels.” Psalm 81:12

“He should have fed them also with the finest of the wheat: and with honey out of the rock should I have satisfied you.” Psalm 81:16

Israel experienced the miracle of water out of the rock, but that was less than God wanted to give them.

A further note about how they missed God’s best comes from Psalm 106.

“And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.” Psalm 106:15

Moses the Measuring Mentor

While Israel measured out from God much less than He wanted to give them, failing to trust in God’s salvation and blessing, Moses, on the other hand, measured out God’s best. Moses remained strong in faith that God would come through and win the day.

At the Red Sea crossing, the Children of Israel panicked, but Moses declared that God would deliver them, even before God told Moses how the problem would be solved.

“And Moses said to the people, Fear not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will show to you to day: for the Egyptians whom you have seen to day, you will see them again no more for ever. The LORD will fight for you, and you will hold your peace. And the LORD said to Moses, Why do you cry to me? Speak to the children of Israel that they go forward” Exodus 14:13-15

See that progression. Moses spoke words of faith in God even before God spoke. A person of great faith will be bold to measure out God’s best, rather than think that God has abandoned them.

Moses Spoke Blessing into Existence

Further evidence of Moses as one who ‘measures’ blessing out from God’s Storehouse is found in Exodus 16. In this situation the people had no food or water. They complained and could not anticipate that God would do a miracle of supply for them. Moses, however, not only had confidence in God’s miraculous power, he presumed upon God’s ability, promising the Israelites more than God said He would give.

God spoke to Moses and promised to give the people bread in the morning. But when Moses spoke to the people, Moses promised them flesh in the evening and then bread in the morning. God was not offended by Moses’ display of confidence. Instead, God changed His own instruction to Moses to include the flesh, which Moses had spoken into existence.

“Then said the LORD to Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you …” Exodus 16:4

“And Moses said, The LORD will give you in the evening flesh to eat, and in the morning bread to the full…” Exodus 16:8

“And the LORD spake to Moses, saying, I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel: speak to them, saying, At evening you will eat flesh, and in the morning you will be filled with bread; and you will know that I am the LORD your God.” Exodus 16:11,12

What Moses Did

At the Red Sea, Moses believed in what God had said – despite the natural evidence. Moses Held On in faith. Moses Claimed the Blessing. Moses Measured Out the Victory. Moses Took Hold of the Promises. Moses spoke as one who already had the victory. Moses had the Substance in his heart!

When God promised bread, Moses was so confident in God’s awesome power and love that he stepped beyond what God had said, in promising meat when God had only promised bread.

God honoured Moses’ faith and backed up what Moses had said. Moses Measured out MORE than God had said, and God delivered.

Measure for Yourself

Every time you choose to believe that God can and will come through for you, you are “measuring” something out from God’s Storehouse of Grace. Expecting that God’s blessing is there for you is the same thing. Making a claim, asking, seeking and knocking, storming heaven, laying claim, possessing the blessing – are all ways of describing the faith process of accessing what God has already prepared for us in Heaven.

So, go ahead and do some more “measuring”. God has prepared wonderful things for you. He is pleased by your faith to reach out to receive. So, call upon Him. Claim His blessings. Take hold of all He has for you.

Marriage Moment of Truth

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Marriages start out on an exciting note, full of happy expectation. Yet some of those marriages end up on the trash heap. At some point from the engagement to the divorce something went wrong. Whatever the challenges are that lead to a failed marriage other marriages weather the storm and come through stronger.

So, along the way from the proposal to the decree nisi there is some telling moment or development that tips the scales from success to sabotage; from freedom to failure; and from celebration to shame. So, we’re looking for the Moment of Truth in Marriage, where that tipping point is encountered.

Tipping Point

The Moment of Truth is that point in the couple’s journey where they make a decision, balk at a hurdle, draw a line or otherwise change the course of their relationship. What started as delight became bogged down with disappointment. Strife replaced celebration and the couple began to move toward the death of their marriage.

Now, the tipping point is not the same for each couple. Some couples know that it is all over by the end of the honeymoon. Other couples work together for thirty-five years before ending their marriage. For some there is a major shock, such as unfaithfulness, that bombards the relationship. For others some subtle, slow process sets in that eats away at the union.

This makes it hard to come up with a simplistic “tipping point” definition.

Attitude Not Action

The tipping point, or Moment of Truth, when a relationship takes a turn toward its own destruction cannot be built on an action. Marriages have proven to be incredibly resilient. Marriages have survived and even flourished after such tragedies and traumas as abuse, violence, adultery, death of a child, financial ruin, war, betrayal, attempted suicide, mental breakdown, and more.

The tipping point, then, is not an action. Instead it is an attitude. The attitude may spring to life in response to an action, but it is wrong to blame the action. Others have endured the same treatment, circumstances, disappointment, stress and so on, without destroying their marriage. So it must be firmly stated that the problem is NOT the action.

However, when a wrong attitude comes into the picture it can be poisonous, impossible to endure and persistent to the point of total destruction. The tipping point is the point at which a wrong attitude takes root, setting the course toward ultimate ruin.

Biblical Warning

Since the Bible is supremely relevant and current, we should expect it to speak clearly to this issue, and it does. There is a serious warning given in the New Testament which is probably directly linked to the Moment of Truth, or Tipping Point in marriage.

The Biblical warning is that people MUST give grace to one another. Specifically they are to give each other the “grace of God”. That means that they are to forgive each other, accept each other and be considerate of each other, in the same way that God is gracious to all of humanity. God gives sunshine and rain to both the good people and evil people. God is gracious, even to people who are campaigning to prove that God does not exist.

Humans, then, are to be ever willing to tolerate and be gracious to each other, just as God is.

But the warning goes further than that. The Biblical warning is that if a person fails to provide God’s grace to others the only alternative is that the evil attitude of bitterness will spring up in their life and lead to all kinds of problems.

“Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled” Hebrews 12:14,15

Let me paraphrase that text for you this way: “Be at peace with everyone. And keep yourself holy. If you are not holy you will never see God. Be diligent to keep on giving God’s grace to people. If you don’t a root of bitterness will spring up within you and agitate you. A root of bitterness will make trouble for many people around you.”

Key Moment

The key moment in your marriage is not how or where you propose. It’s not how long your engagement is. It is not the wedding day, or the wedding night. It’s not the honeymoon. It’s not your first year, or your first home. It’s not based on how soon the kids come along, or how many you have or don’t have. It’s not about how much money you have or whether one, both or none of you work.

The key moment in any marriage is that moment when one or other of the couple decides to stop giving grace to the other. When one person makes the internal decision, “I’ve had enough of that”, “I’m not taking any more of this”, “I won’t forgive them this time”, or something like that, they have tipped the marriage into the path toward destruction.

It is possible for a couple to come close to that point several times, and still survive. If the person tips back, changing their mind and forgiving, extending grace, accepting the one they had decided to reject, then they can undo the damage that has been done. But when they come to that point and decide to stick on that track, that’s when the end has been determined.

The Grace of God

The most valuable ingredient you can bring into any relationship, then, is the grace of God. A couple which has determined to always forgive and extend grace to each other will be able to ride over the ups and downs of their relationship.

Remember that bitterness only springs up when someone has determined to stop giving God’s grace. As long as the graces of forgiveness, compassion, acceptance, sacrificial commitment and such like are poured into a marriage that marriage can weather any storm or strain.

When the attitude turns from one that gives grace to one that digs in with hardness of heart, bitterness takes root and poisons the mind, attitudes, decisions and relationships.

Remember, the problem is not the actions experienced, but the attitudes taken up in response to those things.

Moments of Grace

Protect your marriage with moments of grace. Tip your marriage toward success and indestructibility. Determine, with God’s help, to give grace to each other. Determine to continue extending grace, God’s grace, no matter what.

Instead of having Moments of Truth and Tipping Points that turn your marriage into dust, have Moments of Grace and multiple Turning Points which turn your marriage back to God’s grace and God’s miraculous provision for your happiness and success.

Rejection 6 – Heart Wound

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While the picture of rejection used in the last article summarises the process of rejection, this lesson looks at the most poignant element of the impact of rejection.

When people cut off the love supply we go through the process of rejection. What that does on the inside of us is create a deep, internal wound that we may carry for the rest of our life.

Knife in the Heart

I use the rather dramatic imagery of a knife in the heart to describe what it feels like at times when we are rejected. The person offending or rejecting us might be horrified if they understood the pain, impact and dimension of what they have done to us.

Many parents, spouses, friends and people try to dismiss what they have done and to excuse their outburst, neglect, selfish behaviour, and so on. But for the one who feels rejected the action can prove to be devastating in its significance.

We have seen in previous lessons that the main area where rejection impacts us seems to be our emotions. So the knife in the heart imagery makes a pretty good generalisation to represent how rejection affects us.

Broken Heart

We use the expression “brokenhearted” to describe the internal feeling we have when we are let down, jilted or hurt by others. So an image of a heart broken in two might work just as well.

The Bible uses the term “broken in heart”, so that gives further legitimacy of the idea of hour heart being the place where the injury takes place.

“He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

However, I like the idea of a knife in the heart, because it suggests an attacker. Even if the person who caused the hurt is ignorant of their impact, the victim can usually identify the one who they feel has hurt them. When we come to the stage of resolving rejection you will find that the process of ‘forgiveness’ is very important. So having a sense for the offender, or the one who wounded us, in mind, will lead easily into that process.

Reference to a “broken heart” does not maintain consciousness of an offender in the same way a knife in the heart does.

Hurts

Another terminology for the inner wound which we experience in rejection is “hurt”. We speak of carrying hurts. These hurts are bruises on our heart.

While the knife imagery invokes the more severe impact of rejection we also carry many bruises, hurts and inner pains that are not such intense wounds.

Many people carry some level of pain, even if they call it disappointment, hurt feelings, soreness, or whatever. Hurt is a good term to use for that large collection of inner injuries which impact us to varying degrees, even if not serious enough to be called ‘wounds’.

The Mind

I should point out that the imagery of a wounded heart does not rule out the wider impact of rejection. Our mind gets involved in the rejection issue, so I want to take a moment to acknowledge that too. While our focus may be with hurt feelings, inner wounds, deep personal pain and other emotional effects, we may not realise how much our mind is impacted by the rejection experience.

Troubled thoughts, agony of mind, struggle to find reasons, rationalisation, intense self-interrogation, and other mental mind-traps can tangle a person in distraction.

Most people who are carrying deep inner hurts are mentally distracted. Some find it impossible to concentrate or even think clearly.

The focus on a wounded heart should not displace our awareness of the intense mental pain that many people go through. The mind is part of our soul and it needs to be restored, just as our feelings do.

Pain Vocabulary

The feelings which people grapple with when they have been rejected can be wide ranging. We have already mentioned hurt and pain. Along with them there are such things as being disheartened or discouraged. People can lose heart and give up on themselves, others, relationships, studies, career, and even life itself.

Feelings of inferiority are a powerful element of rejection. The notion comes to the victim that if they are worthy of being abused, rejected or neglected by the people who should love them, then maybe they are simply of no real value.

Feelings of fear, especially the fear of further rejection, can enslave people’s hearts and minds. Distrust of others and uncertainty about emotions, relationships and their own expectations from life can easily spring up in a rejected life.

Trauma

We will look in future posts at some of the responses which tend to spring up in the fertile soil of a wounded heart. All of those various feelings tend to be underpinned by the overriding experience of personal trauma and pain.

When I am working with people to lead them into freedom I like to find, if possible, the moment when the knife pierced their heart. That moment of personal trauma can be a key to unlocking the pain that has engulfed them.

Delayed Impact

While looking for the moment of trauma I came to realise that there can often be a delayed impact in a person’s life.

I have encountered many families where all the children were abused in one way or another, and yet each person responded differently. They each had a personal journey of abuse, despite their shared experiences.

The idea of ‘delayed impact’ is summarised by the scenario where a father keeps putting off time with his child. Imagine a child going to his dad to show him something. The father brushes off the child with something like, “I’m busy at the moment. Show me later.” Then, later, the dad is on the phone, reading the paper, about to make an important call, not wanting to be disturbed, thinking about something important or the like.

Each time the child goes to his dad the child is in reality being rejected. But the child trusts the father and accepts his excuses, not feeing the pain of rejection. But then, on one momentous occasion, after being rejected yet again, the penny drops for the child. They suddenly feel the impact of rejection and realise that their dad is never going to have time for them.

In a family this delayed impact can hit each child at a different age or stage of life for each one. They may all be rejected but some feel the impact far more deeply. Some children can even be so robust emotionally that they never realise how rejected they have been, while their sibling has been devastated by the same treatment all the children received.

Handle on the Knife

If you can remember the day that the knife struck your heart you will find it fairly easy to grab the handle of the knife and remove it from your life. Rejection can be healed in either case, but I like to encourage you that if you can relate to the knife in the heart imagery you are on track for wonderful freedom.

God is able to give you a new heart. He binds up the broken in heart. He restores your soul. He even makes your soul prosper (3John 2). So don’t be afraid of what you have gone through or the pain that has destroyed you. Your day of deliverance is at hand, because Jesus has done all that needs to be done for you.

Faith Factor 6 – Reward in the Storehouse

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People of faith expect a reward. Now, that probably sounds irreligious to you. There is a religious notion in Christianity which celebrates self-sacrifice and despises expectation of reward. In most people’s religious thinking it is noble to give things up and evil to ask for things.

Yet the Bible is rich with instructions and examples of asking. Jesus Christ taught us to “Ask and you will receive”. Jabez asked and was given what he asked for. Gideon asked for proof and God gave it. Jesus said that God will give us what we ask for, just like a loving father does to his children.

And the Bible goes even further, explaining that there is a positive result from some spiritual actions, including the receiving of a benefit or reward. What we sow produces the crop you should expect from the seed. That means we get a result directly commensurate with our actions. “Give and it will be given to you”, said Jesus.

If you have a problem with the idea that Christians get a benefit from obeying God’s commands, then “Get Over It!” Our faith produces positive results, including our forgiveness and salvation. If you don’t believe that then you don’t have faith at all!

Faith Produces Results

The great “faith” chapter of Hebrews 11 speaks about many who were ‘faithful’ to God in the face of challenges. But it also talks of those who produced results by their faith. That’s because faith does produce results. Those results could be called benefits or rewards, but they are results none-the-less.

The “elders obtained”, “Sara received strength to conceive seed” and others “through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, Quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. Women received their dead raised to life again.”

Now, these are all Old Testament examples quoted in the New Testament. So, what about some New Testament examples? There is the lady who pressed through the crowd to touch Jesus, to whom Jesus said, “Your faith has made you whole” (Matthew 9:22). There was a blind man to whom Jesus said, “Your faith has made you whole” (Mark 10:52). There was a leper to whom Jesus said, “Your faith has made you whole” (Luke 17:19). And there were two blind men to whom Jesus said, “According to your faith be it unto you”, and then He healed them (Matthew 9:29).

Faith Expects Reward

Not only is it wrong theology to shun a positive result from our faith, it is also a total destruction of faith itself. Those who think you should not expect a result from your believing actually have no faith.

How can I assert such a religiously abhorrent thing? I do so because of what the Bible teaches about faith. Let me take you to the basic definitional verse about faith which I have used throughout this series of lessons, Hebrews 11:6.

“But without faith it is impossible to please him (God): for he that comes to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

The very definition of faith includes the idea that God is a rewarder by His own character and nature, and the idea that God will reward those who press in to Him. Faith, by definition, includes the belief that God responds to man’s dependence on Him. It involves expectation of a divine reward in the human experience, when man puts his trust in God.

So faith expects a reward. If it does not expect a reward it is not faith!

Blab It and Grab It!

Now, I fully understand that the faith message has been abused. I have met people who teach and others who believe that we can use faith as a power tool to manipulate God and get for ourselves things that we covetously desire.

I know that all such thinking is an abuse of the truth. I know that whole churches have succumbed to such wrong thinking. I know that “faith churches” and “faith preaching” have been way out of line at times. I know all of that. But the errors do not destroy the truth.

The error of Jehovah’s Witness teaching does not negate the reality of God as Jehovah. Mary worship among some Catholics does not remove Mary from her place in history. Extreme holiness does not remove our obligation to live holy lives. And so too, abuses of the faith message do not negate what the Bible teaches about faith and how we are to live by it.

So, don’t turn off to the Bible just because it awakens your fears or offences about what some others have done. Grow up! Get past determining your spiritual journey as a reaction to other people’s mistakes. Walk with God. Cling to His Word. Live by His truth. Navigate by the Holy Spirit’s guidance. And if “faith” preaching has offended you, then let me suggest what I mentioned earlier: “Get over it!”

Faith Geography

Let me describe for you the geography of your blessing and rewards.

Everything we can expect from God comes to us by the sacrifice of Jesus. Everything He gave up for us is now put in a storehouse of grace, for us to receive. He became poor that we might become rich, 2Corinthians 8:9. He left heaven, and we get to go there. He became human so we could become divine. His body was beaten and damaged so our bodies could be healed, 1Peter 2:24.

Everything you need from now to the end of eternity has already been purchased for us in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross. Therefore it is stored up for us in a storehouse, which is geographically situated at God’s right hand.

“You will show me the path of life: in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” Psalm 16:11

Interestingly, Jesus is situated at God’s right hand too.

“For David himself said by the Holy Spirit, The LORD said to my Lord, Sit on my right hand, till I make your enemies your footstool.” Mark 12:36

“But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God” Hebrews 10:12

The Storehouse of Grace

That place at God’s right hand where all our “pleasures” are, which will suffice us “for evermore”, is what I call the “Storehouse of Grace”. Everything that is in there is “grace”. It is undeserved by us and only comes to us through faith.

So, there is a Storehouse, called the Storehouse of Grace. And the key to the door of that storehouse is the key of “faith”.

“For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God” Ephesians 2:8

Salvation is the supply of all the things we need until the end of eternity. It is “grace”. And it is accessed “through faith”. We gain grace, which is the stuff in God’s storehouse of grace, at God’s right hand, only by using “faith” as the key to open the door.

That storehouse contains all the salvation, miracles and healings needed for everyone in all of human history. But most people will not use faith to open the door and release to themselves the blessings which have already been paid for and put in the storehouse, through the sacrifice of Jesus.

The Sheer Abundance

God’s storehouse of grace is jam packed with far more blessings than you will ever comprehend. The sacrifice of Jesus Christ on your behalf bought for you far more than you could ever access in one lifetime. God did not skimp on His provisions for you. He is a God of abundance and He provided absolutely abundantly for you, when He sent Jesus to die for you.

Have a look at a couple of scriptures which give a sense for this abundance.

“He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?” Romans 8:32

“But as it is written, Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for them that love him.” 1Corinthians 2:9

There is so much in God’s storehouse with your name on it, waiting for you to claim it, that it is going to take God the whole of eternity to show you what you missed out on claiming during your short stay on planet earth.

“That in the ages to come he might show the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2:7

Faith Gets the Reward

Faith opens the door to that awesome storehouse. Faith in God does it. Your confident trust in God allows you to be led by Him to do the exploits He has created you to do. In the process of stepping into the miraculous dimension He has planned for you there will be some awesome challenges. But God has already prepared the miracles for you and put your name on the package, waiting for you to claim it.

If you do not step out in faith, then you will never need the package and it will be there for you at the end of your life. During eternity God will make a grand display of all those amazing presents waiting to be claimed by His children, but which they failed to reach out for.

If you are crazy enough to believe God and to do the asking, seeking and knocking which Jesus spoke about, then you will get the rewards. If you can bring yourself to “live by faith”, rather than just camp on the memory of a past moment of faith, then you too will get some of those amazing rewards.

That’s why the life of faith is so amazing and so exhilarating. It opens up to us the miracle dimension in which Jesus lived and which the Apostle Paul followed him in. So, let’s be followers of Christ and Paul and step into the faith dimension where the power of God has already been prepared for us to enjoy.

Rejection 5 – Rejection Defined

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My working definition of “Rejection” is simple, like most of my concepts. I believe that it is best to keep things very simple, so any child could understand and anyone could apply the teaching to their life.

So, in this lesson I will explain the simple process by which we experience rejection and point to some of the many ways through which rejection can be encountered.

Love Supply

Since we are “love receptors”, as I explained in Rejection 2, we are highly sensitive to the experience of being denied love. When those who should love and accept us refuse to do so we are hurt on the inside.

We don’t seek to be hurt. Those hurt feelings are not a game we are playing to get back at those who hurt us. Instead, they are an automatic response from within us, due to our inherent sensitivity to love and our natural desire to be loved just the way we are.

So, rejection has a lot to do with the natural flow of “love”, or any expression which represents love, such as acceptance, friendship, care and so on.

Cutting Off the Love Supply

My simple definition for Rejection, then, is “Cutting off the Love Supply”. When someone turns off the supply of love which we would naturally expect from them, then we experience something of the feeling of rejection.

Now, there are many disclaimers and explanations which could be applied to this topic, and I am trying to keep things simple. Allow me to point out that some times there has not actually been a cutting off of the real supply of love and affection, but simply the perception of being denied love by the other person.

When a parent disciplines or rebukes a child, for example, the child may be tempted to think that the parent has stopped loving them. That is why I teach in my Parenting material about the need for the parent to affirm the child who is being disciplined, to protect them from misunderstanding the parent’s actions and intentions.

When a person perceives that the love supply has been cut off they will encounter feelings of rejection. Their perception may be wrong, but the impact will be just as real. Alternatively, a person may be being taken advantage of, but not realise it. In that case they are experiencing something negative, but are spared the hurt feelings that would otherwise result.

Expectation of Love

Rejection is most strongly felt when the person who is (or seems to be) cutting off the love supply is someone we expect to love us. Therefore much of people’s experience of rejection can be traced back to early childhood encounters with their parents or other relatives. A child should expect their family and carers to care about them. So they are readily hurt when it seems they do not.

The picture which I use to depict the rejection process has an adult pointing the finger at a child. I chose this image because of the likely early childhood times of feeling rejected because of the actions of parents and adults.

Obviously we can experience rejection in adult life, and we are most likely to feel rejection from those we expect to love us. Our extended family, friends, spouse, work associates, boss and teachers are among those we would normally expect to show care, compassion, respect and even love. Each of them, then, is able to bring stronger offence into our life than complete strangers would normally be able to do.

Active Rejection

Many people are the victim of what I term ‘active rejection’. This occurs when a person is shunned, rejected, insulted, verbally abused, used, or otherwise wrongly treated in an active way.

The active form of rejection may come in words of accusation or denigration, through physical abuse, by being pushed away, or the like. In each of these cases the victim experiences an unhappy encounter that impacts their life.

Among the many examples I could site, let me list a few. A child who is not the sex which was desired by a parent can be pushed aside or ‘tolerated’ instead of loved. A child who does not live up the parent’s expectations in academics, sports, art, natural ability, or the like can be despised by the disappointed parent.

An angry parent can vent harsh words on their child. An irritated or frustrated parent can falsely accuse, scold with inappropriate venom, lash out at a child, or otherwise vent their feelings in a hurtful way. A parent who resents their spouse can resent that spouse’s favourite child or despise the child who most reminds them of that spouse. A parent who has their material ambitions limited by the needs or expenses of the child can punish the child in various ways for being an impediment to their dreams.

A child can be unwanted, unaccepted, below the parent’s expectations and standards, hated, out of place, and so on. All of this involves the active expression of rejection.

Passive Rejection

People can also be victims of passive rejection. This is where a child is not subjected to any overt or obvious rejection, but feels neglected, overlooked, and the like.

Passive rejection may easily occur when a parent is preoccupied with other interests or needs. A workaholic parent will most likely neglect the children. A parent who wants to pursue their own interests, friends, relationships, career or the like, can leave the child feeling undervalued. Parents who spend time fighting with each other can leave their children feeling of no value.

Many times the abusing parent is completely unaware that they are causing deep hurts in their child.

Some parents take greater interest in the activities of one of their children in place of another. The child who misses out on what they see their sibling receiving will likely feel rejected by the favouritism.

Feeling Unloved

Among the many stories I have heard from hurting people here are some examples of how they have come to feel unloved.

One young girl accidentally discovered papers which proved she was adopted. She went to both her parents and asked them if she was their real child. They both assured her that she was, probably because they didn’t want her to feel anything less than their loved family member. She, however, knew they were lying and felt hurt that they would not tell her the truth. The very next morning as she left for school her dad said, “Aren’t you going to hug daddy today?” She replied, “I don’t hug daddy any more.” The man smiled to his wife and said, “Our little girl is growing up”. But he did not know that she was feeling deeply rejected and was rejecting him in return.

One family had a sick child who consumed all the parents’ time, energy and money. The other children not only despised and resented the sick child, but felt deeply abandoned by the parents.

One small girl felt deeply hurt by her father leaving home for another woman. The child assumed that she must have been responsible in some way.

One young boy brought his school papers home to show his mum, but she had seen that work before from his older siblings and didn’t take any interest. He felt jealous of his older siblings and deep resentment toward his mum.

Children of alcoholic and addicted parents suffer greatly. Children from broken homes often feel hurt by the process. Children of high achiever parents often feel they run a poor second to their parent’s own agendas. And so it goes on.

Ultimate Love

We will see much later in this series that God’s love is the ultimate love. It is the perfect love which casts out our fear, inferiority, hurt, pain, feelings of rejection and so on.

Rather than get buried in the pain which might be surfaced by this investigation of the subject of rejection, take time out right now to ask God to pour His amazing and ultimate love into your aching heart.

Remember the verse we saw in the previous lesson about God’s desire to make you whole.

“He restores my soul: he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” Psalm 23:3

“He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

Allow me to add to those verses this lovely text about the love of God…

“The LORD appeared to me of old, saying, Yea, I have loved you with an everlasting love: therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn you.” Jeremiah 31:3

God’s love for you is the ultimate love. It is much more powerful and valuable than the love of your parents, siblings, spouse, friends, family and society. God’s love is more powerful than all other love put together. So ask for Him to pour that love into your heart right now.

“And hope does not make you ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given to us.” Romans 5:5