Rejection 3 Heart Cry

The cry of the human heart is to be loved. And that sets people up for deep rejection experiences. And, as we saw in Rejection 2, this is somewhat out of our control, because we were designed as love receptors.

Above everything else that people seek, they want to be loved. And this yearning for love not only motivates us, but it brings people into some of their deepest pains.

Hidden Longing

People are unlikely to tell you that they are desperate to feel loved. It’s one of those things that people don’t talk about, especially in Western culture. So this deep heart cry to be loved functions as a hidden longing in the human heart.

People mask this longing by investing themselves in activity, success and a myriad other things. And, of course, people can find great meaning and value in things other than relationships. However, the hidden longing for loving care, affection, value to others and the like is still present in people’s lives.

Heart Crying

Not only is our desire to be loved our heart cry, our experience of not being loved makes our heart cry. Loneliness, hurt, fear, shame, heartache, pain, desperation, self-rejection, and many similar terms relate to the cry of the crying heart.

Now, people usually hide their pain, so you won’t often see this heart cry on someone’s face. Most people pull themselves together, put on their ‘stiff upper lip’ and soldier on. They may do so in hope that things will get better, or simply not wanting to add shame to their hurt feelings. However they come to it, most people cry on the inside, but keep up appearances on the outside.

Universal Pain

I expect that everyone has had moments of inner sadness and pain. A life without disappointment is hard to conceive. We all have hope for good things, and when those good things don’t materialise we have to work through a reality check, and then keep going.

So pain is a universal experience. Moments of crying on the inside are commonly understood. How we react to it and deal with it can be varied, but the initial pain is part of the human experience.

My Tears

I don’t know where my feelings of rejection and inferiority came from. I have asked God to show me and to date He has never made it clear to me. But I do know of times when I felt pain in my later years.

I can recall wetting my pillow with burning tears that ran down my cheeks late at night. I can recall the quivering lips as I tried to suppress inner hurts and disappointments. I can recall the intense feelings of insecurity, feelings of intimidation around people who made me feel inferior, and feelings of fear of being mocked or shown up in some way.

I can recall the burning heat of a face bright red with shame. I remember the burning eyes, streaming tears and glowing cheeks which I experienced too often.

I’m sure I am not unique.

Love is Powerful

That is why love is so powerful. Everyone wants to be loved. While you may not ‘love’ others in any emotional sense, you can at least care about them.

If you notice someone, talk with someone, listen to someone, show care to someone, meet someone’s needs, give consideration to someone, speak up for someone, take time for someone, you will have powerful impact in their life. That’s because everyone really wants to be loved.

If you are keen to build a bridge toward someone, then choose to make them special. Show them affection, care, compassion, consideration, respect, attentiveness, value, or the like and they will register that, unless they are totally closed to you or the world.

Important People

Someone once pointed out to me that the last thing I should ever casually talk about with a celebrity is what makes them famous. A person’s fame is usually the curse of their life. What they want to find is someone who values them as a person, not as a performer.

The same is true for people who are attractive. Many attractive women are annoyed by the amount of attention people pay to them. They learn to distrust the motives of people who look at them, smile at them and want to interact with them.

When you take an interest in the person for who they are, not for what they mean to you, you are giving them a very special gift. So always be ready to talk about the inane, or to find out what is important to that person. A star may be very relieved to talk with someone about their first dog, or the food they hate, or something equally as distant from their stardom.

The Power of Compassion

While you are still thinking about dealing with your own pain and need, take time out to show compassion to others. Remember, they have a heart cry to be loved.

Learn how to make others feel special. Learn how to listen to them and engage them in things that THEY value. Give them your time and your listening ear. Engage with their stories and their personal journey. Most people are blessed to have that kind of royal treatment, and some people are desperate for it.

Things are so bad today that people pay money to a therapist to simply listen to them and show some kind of understanding. Now that says something about how desperate the heart cry has become in Western society. Even family and neighbours are failing to show the care and concern that was once part of normal life. People are paying others to at least resemble what care and compassion look like.

Can you see a ministry opportunity in all that? I can. And I release you to go and do it!

Rejection 2 Love Receptors

Since Rejection was such a big problem for me I often reflected on why it should be such a serious issue for people. How could something as invisible and insidious as rejection be so devastating for so many people?

My reflections on the subject led me to a simple observation, which I can attest to from the Bible. So that’s the starting point in my pictorial series on the subject of Rejection.

Our Design

Mankind was made by God, for fellowship with God. And that’s a Bible truth. God made man, right back there on Day 6 of creation. And God is “Love”.

“He that loves not knows not God; for God is love.” 1John 4:8

“And we have known and believed the love that God has to us. God is love; and he that dwells in love dwells in God, and God in him.” 1John 4:16

Putting those two Bible facts together enables us to recognise something about our design. Just as a radio is designed to tune in to radio signals and a television is designed to tune in to television signals, man is designed to tune in to God.

Love Receptor

If man is made to tune in to God, then man is designed as a “Love Receptor”. Somehow, among all our faculties, we have the capacity to tune in to and resonate with God. And, since God is love, that means we must be able to tune in to love.

We must have within us the capacity to fully interpret, receive and respond to the waves of God’s love which are broadcast from Him. If we could not sense love, then we could never have real fellowship with a God who is love.

You are I are ‘love receptors’. Apart from our sight, hearing, touch, taste and other senses, we have the innate ability to sense God’s most wonderful quality.

God and Man

As a love receptor we deeply desire to receive God’s love and the love and affection of our fellow man. We expect to find love from our parents, siblings and family. We expect people to be friendly to us and to be interested in us. We look for loving interaction from all we meet.

This is especially so when we are children and have not yet felt the amount of rejection and disinterest which we are likely to face in later years.

We are designed to live in the luxury of close fellowship with God and with family, friends and society. However, many people experience no sense of God’s love and also experience the feeling that they are rejected, neglected, abandoned and abused by fellow man.

Look at Life

Have you not noticed how powerful love is? People who sense love are keen to be near those who supply it. Children respond to the love shown them by others. We all love to be loved.

Some people spend their whole life looking for love. It fascinates us and impacts us like few other things do.

We celebrate our addiction to love in stories, song, poetry and lifestyle. People’s whole personalities can be transformed by the addition of a loving person into their life.

All this testifies to the fact that God has designed us as love receptors. Those who defy the need for love often do so out of their hurt. They are trying to shut down a faculty which has become a source of pain for them. But that only goes to prove the point. If they were not love receptors by design, then the absence of love, or pain through expectations of love, would not affect them.

Substitutes for Love

Craig Hill, in his Family Foundations course, points out that people who are not loved by their parents can go headlong into sexual relationships, in a quest for the love they sense they are missing. A girl who is denied her father’s love is more likely to end up in a cheap, sexual fling with a man, than a girl who is secure in the love of her dad. Similarly, a boy who feels rejected by his mum will tend to seek the affections of another woman, to fill what seems to be a void within him.

The lack of love never justifies sin. I am not suggesting that the parents are to blame for their children’s wrong choices. We must each give account for our sins. God doesn’t use psychologist couches. He has books with written records of our sins instead.

Other substitutes for love can include attention, notoriety (as with the trouble maker), fame, success, cheap popularity or sexual attraction. If people are not shown love they may well immerse themselves in a substitute, to at least get some compensation for how they feel.

Love Completes Us

Because we are love receptors, then love completes us. We are designed to be in intimate fellowship with our creator, the God of the entire universe. His love is meant to be “shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit” (Romans 5:5).

We are meant to receive such a revelation of God’s love that God’s ‘perfect love’ casts out all the fear we are feeling, including the fear of rejection.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.” 1John 4:18

As you follow through this series I will eventually have more to say about God’s awesome love. By the end I trust that you are experiencing and enjoying God’s perfect love in much richer dimension and that you are wonderfully set free.