I have met several men over the years who I think may make bad husbands. I would be reluctant to promote them to anyone I cared about.
So, what makes a man a bad husband? What are the qualities which women should
pay attention to when trying to find the right husband?
Putting on a Front
I recently heard a man advising young men to “look confident” when trying to impress a young lady. Girls don’t want men to be wishy-washy and so looking confident will enhance a man’s chances of making a good impression.
But can you see a problem there as well?
We all know that men who wish to impress will try harder than normal. They will dress neater, be cleaner, smell better, talk nicer, show their best qualities and restrain their less likable qualities. Once the man has won his woman he is likely to look scruffy, stay dirty, smell more, talk bad and let his worse qualities shine forth.
So women are in danger of being fooled by a man putting on a front to impress them. Looking confident is not a good thing to do if you are actually deceiving a woman into giving you trust you don’t deserve.
So, guys, the best thing you can do to impress someone is to actually become a wonderful person! Don’t put on a front, but actually become the person you would like to look like!!
That way you win and so does she!
What comes out of a person, in their words, attitudes and actions, originates in their heart.When there are unresolved issues men will come out with actions and words that
betray their insecurity, need for control, fears, pride, selfishness and so on.
The key here is to deal with the inner garbage that is likely to bring ugly things out of you.
The garbage often comes out when the relationship is under strain. A young man might fear that his girl is losing interest in him, so he will tend to impose himself on her more and more, trying to control her. This will almost certainly drive the girl away from him, but it comes from the inner garbage, such as insecurity and personal need within the man.
So girls, be aware and beware of those unresolved issues in any man who comes along to impress you. When the friendship goes through its less happy moments be careful to see that unresolved stuff. If it is not dealt with it will be a curse in your relationship forever.
Openness and Wisdom
Another problem that spoils relationships is inability to deal with issues. When unresolved issues begin to spoil a relationship we then see how wise the man is in creating openness and effective processes for dealing with problems.
If a man has little wisdom he will rely on forcefulness in his personality, or
manipulation, emotionalism, fear, and so on. When these things are the man’s strategies for dealing with problems he can’t solve anything, but only make things worse.
That’s why some men go through various failed relationships. They do not have the wisdom to deal with their own weaknesses and failings.
For example, a man who is feeling insecure could tell his fiancé that he is struggling with personal feelings which are undermining him. He can then get help to become released from his
insecurity. He can empower her with ways to tell him when he is reacting badly and damaging the relationship. If he did those things he would be displaying openness and wisdom.
Alternatively he can believe the lie that her affection will heal him and then put all kinds of pressure on her to be his salvation. That will be the end of the relationship.
A further compounding factor is what I call the Spiritual Landscape. By that I mean the factors that are in the picture, but which you cannot see. For example, you have probably never seen your guardian angel, yet the Bible suggests you have one. You cannot see curses on people, but the Bible says people carry them. You can feel blessed, but you cannot see who is carrying a blessing and who is not.
That fine young man who turns up at your door with a bunch of flowers is part of a
spiritual landscape. There are good and evil influences at work in his life. If you are unaware of those things you will step into the problems and not know what has hit you.
Be a Wise Woman
A wise woman will prayerfully and carefully consider the Lord’s insights, so she can know in advance what are the unresolved issues, wisdom limitations and the spiritual landscape
A wise woman also listens to godly counsellors, especially her father, minister and mature, godly friends.
Find the Right Husband
If you want to find the right husband then beware of the man who is crazy about you but cold toward God.
Beware the man who can’t give you honour and grace when he is upset. If he
treats you with disrespect now, he will do it even worse when you are married.
Trust yourself to God. God can give you better than you can give yourself. And He can give you what you don’t deserve. Don’t rely on your figure, fashion and make-up to get the right man. Rely on God and those he has placed around you to watch out for you.
What if it’s Too Late?
If you have already married a bad husband, then your most powerful solution is to have God come into your marriage and make it better. You need to humble yourself before Him and call on Him to assist you, forgive you, heal you and build you into the person you should have been.
It’s never ‘too late’ with God. But the recovery doesn’t start with your husband, it starts with You!