Sex Before Marriage

People who engage in sexual activity before marriage set themselves up for serious moral compromise. I have met various couples over the years to discuss their coming wedding and addressed this issue with them. I found most are blind to the significance of their sexual decisions.

The Obvious Statement

When individuals decide to engage in sexual activity before they are married they make some clear declarations about who and what they are. I have had some couples protest what I tell them, but see for yourself.

A person who engages in sex before marriage clearly asserts that sex does not belong exclusively in marriage. If they believed that sex was meant only for marriage they would testify to that by reserving their sexual activities to marriage.

When people engage in sexual activity outside of marriage they declare that they accept the idea that sex is not exclusively reserved for marriage. (I know that’s not rocket science, but you’d be surprised how many people refuse to admit that. The “Moral” implications of this confront them and they switch into denial).

Before and Outside

Let’s clear up some English Vocabulary here. If a person accepts the idea of Sex Before Marriage, they also accept the idea of Sex Outside Marriage! Before marriage is “outside” of marriage!

Don’t look at me like that! This isn’t rocket science!

When a young couple become emotionally entangled and fall into lustful intimacy before marriage they are revealing that they would have no moral reason not to do the same thing with someone “outside” of marriage. Their regard for the place of sex has clearly been demonstrated. It has no special place at all!

Now and Then

If a couple will engage in sex outside marriage ‘before’ they are married, what should stop them engaging in sex ‘outside’ marriage, ‘after’ they are married? What is so different between the “now” and “then”?

Couples believe they are totally committed to each other and would never hurt the other by being “unfaithful”. But those same couples have no problem offending God, being “unfaithful” to His holy standards for their life. So, if they can abuse God, how much more readily can they abuse a human?

Your Signals

Think about what you signal about yourself if you accept the idea of Sex Before Marriage. You signal that you have no Fear of God. So, there is now no moral basis for your existence. You will not make choices based on God’s holy standards.

You are a law to yourself. You make the rules about your life and actions. Whatever you choose at any time in the future is what you will do. When it suits you to be faithful, you will be. If you become bitterly disappointed with your spouse and sorely tempted by an alternative, what is there to stop you choosing to be unfaithful to your spouse?

You also signal that you are lord of your own universe. Therefore you are not tapped in to God. You are not able to access all the provisions He has for you, which you will need during your life. You are the fountainhead of your own existence and the moral reference point for your life. This cuts you off from the vitally important resources that only God can give. You and your spouse will be denied so much that you need to successfully navigate and encounter life in the years ahead.

But We’re In Love

Now, how pathetic is this? I have had couples say to me, as they clasp each other’s hands, “But we’re in love!” You’d think the orchestra is supposed to strike up on the spot!

Emotions and decisions are two separate things. The rationale people use for their decisions is irrelevant. The decisions themselves have powerful moral consequences. Killing a man in a moment of anger, a moment of thoughtlessness, or after a lifetime of hatred, makes no real different to the dead man. He is dead which ever way you came to it.

Choosing to mock God is a decision with profound moral consequences. Whether you are “in love” or “in lust”, stupid, irresponsible, selfish, opportunistic or deceived by your culture, you have chosen to mock God and reject His holy standard for your life! Don’t give me that, “We’re in love!” stuff.

What am I supposed to expect from you when you discover one day that you are in love with someone other than your spouse? You are clearly signalling that if you “fall in love” with someone after you are married, you will have sex with them!

Protection

God does not restrict sex to marriage because He wants you frustrated. He is protecting you from moral harm. Sexual sin is a sin against your own body. It creates a huge gap in the moral fence around your life. It brings you under the power of demons of lust, immorality, uncleanness, adultery, perversion, shame and the like.

Sex outside of marriage, including sex before marriage, seriously damages your ability to enjoy the intimacy which God created for you. It is proverbial that couples who engage in sex before marriage find their sexual activity after their wedding to be less than they hoped. Something has been damaged by their foolish and selfish choices.

Sexualised Society

Western culture is highly sexualised. People are sexually damaged while they are still virgins. We are violated by what is shown to us and by the immoral sexual attitudes in our culture.

Despite all of that, you are a fool to go with the flow of today’s sexual tide. Your only viable option for joy, satisfaction, peace, fulfilment and blessing is to live in the fear of God and to find His power to do so.

I call you out, from among our sexualised society, to live in the holiness for which you were created. If you have been so foolish as to become sexually compromised and damaged, then follow my Steps to Release, which you will find on the ChrisFieldBlog.com website.

A Holy Nation

You are a chosen generation and a “holy” nation. It is time to live your destiny. It is time to walk out of the morass of sexual pollution and lust, and to breathe the rarefied air of freedom and God’s presence.

I call you forth, out of the muck and into the glorious liberty of the children of God. That glorious liberty includes being set free from all immorality and uncleanness, and all the damage you have done to yourself or others have done to you.

Rise and be healed. Step forward into freedom. Rejoice in the Lord who delivers you from this evil generation!

Sacred Nakedness Video

Human nakedness is a gift from God and it is something that has ‘moral’ significance.
In fact, human nakedness is ‘sacred’. If our nakedness is violated and unprotected then a moral issue is created. That’s why Ps Chris Field has coined the term ‘Sacred Nakedness’ to describe human sexuality.

But, since human nakedness is sacred, that creates a problem for marriage. How do two people get past the sacredness of their own naked body, to encounter the intimacy of marriage?
The answer is simple. It is the Moral Miracle which God performs at Marriage – where the husband and wife become “one flesh”, where they are each “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” with one another. Their nakedness is still ‘sacred’, but the two bodies now share the same nakedness. So their intimacy is perfectly moral and holy.

However, a couple who are almost married and who decide to explore the intimacies of marriage will be violating sacred nakedness, because the Moral Miracle hasn’t taken place.

Ps Chris Field explains this in his video: Sacred Nakedness.

Other Videos by Pastor Chris Field include ….

MARRIAGE VIDEO“What is Marriage?” http://chrisfieldblog.com/marriage/what-is-marriage-video

MARRIAGE VIDEO“50-50 Marriage?” http://chrisfieldblog.com/marriage/50-50-marriage-video

MANHOOD VIDEO“The Manhood Call” http://chrisfieldblog.com/manhood/manhood-call-video

MANHOOD VIDEO“Sacrificial Purpose of Men” http://chrisfieldblog.com/manhood/sacrificial-man-video

TRUTH VIDEO“Where Does Your Truth Come From?” http://chrisfieldblog.com/ministry/truth-video

PARENTING VIDEO“Heart of a Child” http://chrisfieldblog.com/parent/heart-of-child-video

PARENTING VIDEO“Godly Seed” http://chrisfieldblog.com/parent/godly-seed-video

PARENTING VIDEO“Child Discipline” http://chrisfieldblog.com/parent/child-discipline-video

Sacred Nakedness

The on-going current issue of child nude photos intended for display in a Sydney art gallery prompts me to clarify again the Biblical position regarding nakedness. Sacred Nakedness is the term I am now using to help us recognise the moral issues behind this debate.

It has long been suggested that nakedness is something which mature adults should have no problem with. Adults are well informed about the differences between male and female physiology and married couples can enjoy open sexual intimacy and share their nakedness without shame or recourse. So, it is suggested, it is prudish and childish to make too much of nudity and nakedness.

Advocacy for the open display of nudity, at least to adults, goes along the lines, “We’re all adults here. If you’ve seen one naked body you’ve seen them all. There’s no need to be ashamed of the human body.” Evolutionary influences add to the debate such thoughts as, “Clothing is a recent invention. We are just a ‘naked ape’ and we can display our unclothed bodies just like other animals do.”

Then come the big guns of mockery and intimidation, such as, “How Victorian and prudish to be ashamed of the human body. We should celebrate our bodies and be unashamed to display what nature gave us.”

So goes the sales pitch. That’s why people who anchor their beliefs in cultural voices become confused on this issue. Instinctively their conscience warns them that nakedness is not such a casual issue. Life experience signals that nakedness is indeed a deeply moral issue. Yet these other voices of cultural reasoning challenge our instinctive perceptions.

Consider these obvious signals that nakedness has a sacred and moral quality. Imagine a person choosing to turn up at work stark naked for the day. If nakedness is such an over-rated issue, made special only by outdated, prudish ideas, then why does such a situation raise so much concern? Is it not true that most people in that workplace will be distracted, some being sensualised and others being offended? Is it not true that the parents and family of the naked person will struggle with their actions and the family of the others who turn up at work will hold concern for how their family member will be affected by working around someone who is naked?

While some ‘enlightened’ people will assert that they have no problem with their child, spouse or friend showing off their naked body, the vast majority of people, including those of no apparent moral convictions, will find such nudity distracting, inappropriate, embarrassing or otherwise out of order.

We each know, at a societal level, that the open display of nakedness is socially inappropriate, even if we can’t articulate why.

Here is the reason why nakedness is not for public display. Nakedness is sacred. Nakedness is a personal, private gift given us by God, signalling our special place as God’s creation, made in the image of God. The animals are not made with that unique quality and so their bodies do not have sacred nakedness. Humans are made in the image of God and are given a conscience which alerts them to the sacredness of their nakedness. Exposure of nakedness causes shame and is a violation of our moral being. While it is possible to become desensitised to our conscience, such cavalier attitudes do not change the reality of our creation. Neither do philosophy classes, protestations by ‘artists’, demands that we be ‘grown up’ and ‘realistic’, etc.

It is possible for people to push past their pangs of conscience and become hardened liars, thieves and even killers. So the evidence that some people can be arrogantly hardened in their stance on nudity is no case for arguing its inherent value. A gang or thieves celebrating their freedom to steal without pang of conscience has not changed the fact that theft is wrong.

Shaming ourselves by exposing human nakedness is not ‘enlightenment’ but rather it is the journey into darkness. Professing themselves to be wise and elevated, libertines become fools and debase themselves. They throw away their sovereign uniqueness and reduce themselves to animal status.

Ancient Greco-Roman art did not change our created reality. Michelangelo’s statue of David did not change our created reality. The modern addiction to pornography, nudity and immoral living does not change our created reality. Appeals to the cause of ‘art’ and ‘free speech’ do not change our created reality.

I remind you that from the earliest record of human experience, Genesis Chapter 3, we are shown that humans have a conscience about their naked bodies. Adam hid himself because he was naked. I remind you that Noah’s married adult sons, who knew all about what naked bodies looked like and could make every claim to being ‘adult’ in their choices and actions, took pains not to see their father’s naked body when he lay in a drunken sleep in his tent. Instead of thinking that nakedness was of no consequence these men carefully covered their father’s nudity, ensuring that they did not see it themselves.

Every human body possesses Sacred Nakedness. When we make public display of the naked body we are rejecting our own sacredness and the dignity which we have by divine mandate. Those who have no respect for God, and thus are happy to demean and debase themselves, wish to undermine us all. Any and all displays of nudity and nakedness debase our human dignity. Artistic expression is not above our moral realities. It gives no authority to those who wish to act outside God’s moral requirements.

The naked children photos are an attack on the dignity of us all. They are base in their moral impact. They are an offence to humanity in general and the innocence of children in particular. It does not matter what the pose or the level of sensuality implied or aroused by the images. The violation is not principally based on the age of the children or the suggestive nature of the images. Any and all display of the naked body is at its core a violation of human conscience, because it is a violation of our divine personal preserve, our sacred nakedness.

For the record for those who may protest the need for exposure within medical procedures, even in the context of medical treatment, which at times necessitates medical evaluation of people’s private nakedness, we should maintain the dignity of sacred nakedness, rather than allow callow attitudes toward that which violates the conscience.

The child nude photos issue is not a debate about the bounds of art. It is not a fuzzy issue with competing claims and counter-claims. It is a time to focus on our abandonment of foundational reality. It is time to remind ourselves of the moral boundaries which God has imposed on us. It is time to stand for what is wholesome and healthy, in the face of those who wish to drag us all into their own violated state.

Note: I posted an earlier review of this subject under the heading Nudity, Purity and Sex, May 31, 2008.

What is Your Model of Marriage?

How To Understand Your Marriage Model and What You Are Building

When people build a marriage they work from a model or concept that they are looking to follow. People have expectations, desires and even dreams of what marriage will be for them. In the Western world our ideas of marriage are largely driven by “romance” and sentiment.

Having studied marriage around the world, in African tribes, European families, South American homes, Pacific Islands, Asian communities and America, England and Australia as well, I have noted that certain popular models prevail.

While romance is the Western ideal, people have come up with various ideas about how a marriage should work in practice. There are several models that people consider appropriate. People look for a spouse who has a similar model or who will fit in with their own expectations. If they have not clarified this ahead of time then there could be quite some tension if the husband and wife work from different models.

What is your marriage all about? Can you see yourself in any of these common concepts or practical realities?

Assigned Duties

A common model is that the couple will have various assigned duties in the marriage. The wife, for example, may be the home-maker while the husband is the main income earner. The wife may take care of the home while the husband looks after the yard and externals. The wife may attend to the children’s school activities, while the husband attends to their sporting interests.

The model gives each spouse their assigned roles. If a spouse does not do their part properly the other can prompt them about it. One will not take on the role of the other unless there is some prior agreement or a necessity arises.

Mutual Obligation

In the same vein as the Assigned Duties model, the idea of Mutual Obligation is that both husband and wife expect to get certain benefits, such as sexual intimacy, security and comfort, out of the marriage, but accept that they share obligations as well. They see that there should be a level of fairness in the distribution of responsibilities, based on interests and abilities.

The 50-50 Partnership

This takes the idea of Mutual Obligation to the point of negotiated equality. This model is often promoted by wives who are afraid of being lorded over by a man. They choose the 50:50 partnership model because it sounds quite equitable and fair, while allowing them room to resist any imposition made on them by a husband, especially if the husband does not measure up.

It’s a Man’s World

This model is based on the idea that the man is king and the woman is blessed to be his bride. The woman’s pay-off is that she gets to be wife to a man whom she considers desirable, because of this image or his ability to provide. While certain macho males will hold to this model it also works for those who are wealthy or who have some other attribute that makes them a good catch. The wife can have the benefits of the money, fame or social standing, but the price is that she must make the man happy.

The Idolised Woman

This model appeals to those men who feel a strong need for a woman in their life. They may seek sexual favours or look for a strong woman who will mother them. They consider it a privilege to be married to their wife and will do all in their power to make and keep her happy. The woman is happy to have such devotion, but usually finds her husband quite unsatisfactory when the height of his focus is only her.

Something Is Better Than Nothing

This kind of marriage works for those who don’t expect to get a particularly good deal out of life and who accept the opportunities that come along on the basis that there may not be anything else. A couple may marry and make the best of the situation, while neither is particularly impressed with the other or with the marriage.

Let’s See If It Works

Many people enter into marriage with no real confidence that the relationship will work. They give it a shot, but have no real understanding of how to build a solid marriage. If it works they are happy, but if it falls apart, they feel that there was nothing they could do about it.

The Obligatory Duty

Some people feel as if marriage is something they must do and endure because it is expected of them. They find a spouse, or have an arranged marriage, and do their part as best they know how. They suffer the indignities, put up with the problems and are glad for the happy moments. Marriage is not something that excites them, but is something that is expected of them and they yield to that social pressure.

The Contract

In view of so many marriages disintegrating and people being left with pain over asset distribution and sorting out the mess, the idea of a contract is increasingly popular. With second marriages, people are more likely to define who owns what and what will happen if they divorce. Pre-nuptial agreements are occurring more commonly, to prepare for the eventuality of divorce. Whether anything is ever written or signed, the concept of the contract is common. The idea is that each spouse is only bound to the marriage if the other person upholds their end of the bargain.

In my books, MARRIAGE HORIZONS and MENDING MARRIAGES, I investigate the bigger picture of marriage. But for now, consider these questions. Is you marriage what it is supposed to be? Have you built something worthy of your life and your spouse? What are you doing about making your marriage better?

The most effective marriages are those where the couple work ON their marriage, not just IN the marriage. The more determined you are to be the best “you” you can be and to have the best marriage you can have, the more likely you are to move forward and enjoy a better life.

However, let me give you a word of caution. Don’t assume that your ideas are right just because they suit you. And don’t assume you are right just because you can convince your spouse to go along with you. The smartest people look for exemplars, mentors and benchmarks that lead them beyond their personal best, to things that are better still.

I congratulate you for taking the time to read this. You obviously want to have your marriage succeed. My prayer is that your marriage is successful and blessed, and a role model for the next generation.