Who Are You – 3

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Where is your personal power? What gives you any edge or advantage in dealing with life?

Is it your dogged persistence and determination not to go under? Is it your family wealth and resources you can rely on to get you through? Is it your native cunning and wit, enabling you to find a way out when all else fails?

Your sense for what will get you through the next set of challenges is a clue to who you think you are. If you believe you are a survivor and will find a way, then that belief has profound negative moral consequences. It is a very dangerous thing to believe.

If you believe you are immune from really big problems because of your stable community, technological culture and highly educated and sophisticated society, then they too are very dangerous things to believe.

Who Are You?

Are you some deluded twit who believes the lies you have been fed all your life?

Are you an irresponsible hopeful who expects the best because you don’t really want to face anything else?

Are you a culture junkie, drugged with the incense of modern materialist philosophy, drifting through life in an induced stupor?

Are you a moral weakling who refuses to confront reality because it will ask too much of you?

Hello! Is there anyone in there? Or are you an imitation?

I’m Searching

Where do I have to look to find those divinely created beings who walk in the radiance of God’s glory? Where do I find those people connected to all they were created to operate in? Where are the men who exemplify divine manhood? Where are the women whose grace and fulfilment in their calling radiates a beauty none other can match?

Where are the young men who are trouncing the devil at every turn? Where are the fathers who bask in their intimate companionship with God? Where are the prophets who understand the times and don’t seek a material reward for being God’s servants?

Who Do You Think You Are?

What gives you the idea you can be the person you choose to be? What ever made you think your life was your own? How did you come up with the notion that you could blend into the ‘blah’ that is today’s generation and not fulfil divine destiny?

How do you expect to escape your accountability before God? Which of your excuses do you think He will be impressed with?

“Sorry God, but I had a wife and 2 kids, so I couldn’t be who You wanted me to be!” “Oh, the boss wanted to fast-track me up the corporate ladder, so I was a bit distracted.” “That business venture took up most of my life. Sorry about that.” “I have responsibilities and bills to think about!”

Let me ask you one more time, “Who do you think you are?”

You have absolutely no alternative but to be who God created you to be, for His glory and for His pleasure. But instead, you don’t even try to discover who you are. You can’t even answer the question, “Who are you?”

Down the Drain

Your world and culture are going down the drain before your very eyes. You are being sucked into the vortex of social upheaval, with your eyes as tightly shut as you can hold them. You have no idea of your authority and power before God’s throne and no care for the fact that you could make all the difference that needs to be made.

You are not only throwing your life down the drain, but your children’s heritage and your culture’s hope. The Kingdom of God is waiting for someone who knows who they are, and so you distract yourself with cheap amusements, busy-work, and myriad excuses.

Who are you? You are a poor excuse for one made in the image of God. You blaspheme Him by your failure to be anything like Him!

Knee Jerk

Because you don’t know who you are, you think your identity is carried in the ether. You think that whatever you think makes what you thought legitimate. But you are not the author of reality. Your thoughts are pathetic when compared to God’s. His thoughts are higher than yours as the heavens are higher than the earth.

You react to life in “knee jerk” fashion. You run with the sheep this way and that, upset by the headlines, lured by the marketing, seduced by the lies, afraid of political correctness, brow-beaten by the gurus, lulled by pop-culture, numbed by confusion, sedated by social inactivity and marshalled into other men’s plans.

Forget the “knee” and stick with “jerk”!

It’s About Choices

Identity involves choices. Moses could choose to remain an Egyptian, or fulfil his destiny as a Jew. He made that choice and made history.

Abraham had to choose to leave his family and homeland to follow God’s call. James and John had to leave their father, Zebedee, to become apostles.

Esau chose to despise who he was, as heir to Abraham’s blessing. Jacob chose to transform who he was and to claim that very same blessing. Now God is not known as the God of Abraham, Isaac and Esau. There were awesome consequences to momentary choices.

And it call comes back to “Who Are You?”

Esau did not care to be heir. He was a hunter and his dad’s favourite. He was the macho man. But he was a Jerk! He valued the valueless qualities and despised the most valuable aspect of his identity.

Are you doing the same thing?

The Row Boat

I promised to tell you who is who in the rowboat story from last lesson. A rowboat came ashore from a sailing ship. The rowboat contained three adult men and a ten year old boy. One of the men wore a uniform and held a rifle. Who is who and what is what?

The commander of the rowboat was the ten year old boy. He was a midshipman because he was son of a nobleman and thus in the officer stream. Despite his youth, he carried more authority than each of the men, by noble birth and by rank on board ship. One sailer rowed at his command. The soldier escorted a prisoner ashore where he would be abandoned to fend for himself, as punishment for his actions on board.

Don’t Assume

Your mind, family and culture do not have the whole picture. Don’t make assumptions based on what makes sense to you and your programmed expectations. You have been dumbed down, to keep you from understanding who you are. You assume you are this or that and can do this or that, and can’t possibly do something else.

Please stop and think. Stop coming to wrong conclusions. And make sure you find the best possible answers to the question, “Who are you?”

Study Skills 5

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These lessons present you with three key study skills which are all you should need to be a top student and an excellent learner. This lesson brings me to the third and final skill. So far we have seen the importance of Recognition and Repetition.

I spent three lessons explaining the significance of Recognition, or Paying Attention. Last lesson I taught on the importance of good old Repetition, and especially Learning by Rote. Now we come to the power-tool that really builds your mental muscle for memory of important things.

All In The Mind

Memory happens in the mind. So I like to imagine what is happening, to help me appreciate the process I am going through.

For my mind to store any information at all it must first be conscious of that information. Paying attention causes us to take note. Mindless reading or daydreaming in class fogs up our mind and it does not get to enter the information effectively. So “Recognition” is vital to ensure that the information is properly inserted and stored in the brain.

However, the information entered can easily be lost among all the other bits being entered. So we need to beef up the size and importance of that information, and this is done by various forms of repetition, including connecting the information with other things stored in the brain. Eventually the piece of information has gained such significance that it is easy to find among all the other things stored in your brain.

Digging A Trench

Your problem is that all information ends up thrown to the back of the mental store-room and it can take quite some fossicking around to find the bits that have been lost. So, a very powerful skill is to dig a trench from the front of your brain, where you want to use the information, directly to the shelf where the information is held.

This process of creating a direct link to the information is achieved by Recall. What we want to achieve is instant recall of important information. The way we achieve that is by doing the very thing we want to achieve – Recalling the information.

Each time you fossick around in the back of your brain searching for the name, date, fact, or other information requested at the front of your brain, you are strengthening the link from front to back. If you give up and don’t even try to remember, just going back to your reference book, your brain does not develop a clear link from front to back and the searching muscle stays weak.

Imagine that every time you reach to the back of your mind for the answer you need, you are digging a deeper trench line directly to the information. Eventually you will have immediate and direct access to the information you seek.

Recall is a Form of Repetition

Recall is a process of repeating the information. Every time you recall a fact you have repeated it in your brain and increased its signal strength in your mental arena. So recall is not only a key skill on its own, but a double skill, in that it does the job of Repetition as well.

If you develop a good Recall program for important information, you will not need to devote as much time to repetition, since that is what you are effectively doing anyway.

Rote and Recall

My primary school teachers not only had our class chanting the various facts which we were to memorise by repetition, but they would also give us spot tests. They would tell us to close our eyes, or turn to the back, so we could not see the answers on the board. We would then be asked to recall something that we had been memorising.

“How many yards in a mile?” “What is Six times Nine?”

As our young brains scrambled to find the answer we were engaging in recall. So our teachers used Rote and Recall, in combination, to plant certain facts into our minds. I can readily repeat those facts almost fifty years later.

Quiz Yourself

Set yourself several questions and ask yourself for the answer several times each day. Have a friend quiz you. Recall information as you sit at a red light or nod off to sleep.

Make your brain fish around for the answer. Each time you ask the same question the answer should come a little quicker than before. And each time you recall the information the trench to the back of your brain is dug deeper and works faster.

Don’t go easy on yourself. The harder you push your brain the sharper it will perform for you. If you go soft on your brain it will happily go easy on itself. Treat your recall quiz routine as a mental gymnasium, to get your brain pumping and fully fit for your study needs.

Spot Test

Do spot tests on your knowledge. Use different times of the day and ask different types of questions. When you get certain answers right every time change that question for a new one. The things you keep getting wrong are areas you can work on.

If you keep getting something wrong then go back and work on the size and shape of the information. See if you can link it to something else, explain it in a new way, summarise it into a distilled form, or find a funny connection. All of that helps to build up the signal in your brain, to make that item easier to find next time you go looking.

Discipline Required

Some of you are thinking, “There’s no way I can do that”, because you just don’t have the personal discipline to do it or even remember to do it.

Well, you do need discipline. So, you can ask others to help by phoning you with quiz questions, or the like. And you can build up your discipline over time. If it took you all year to get your brain sharpened it’s still worth it. So plan to make progress all the time until you have built up your skill to keep at it and move to the next level.

Three Important R’s

And there you have my three key Study Skills. They are Recognition, Repetition and Recall.

If you can sharpen your use of all three you will find yourself cruising where once you were really struggling. Your faculties were designed to do all this with ease. It’s only hard because you have allowed you mental muscles to atrophy.

I suggest you read and re-read all five lessons. Make your own notes on them. Summarise them. Teach them to your kid sister. Look for new ways to apply them.

And, above all, use them. Start today. Get yourself into gear to go where you are designed to go. Soon you’ll be cruising past others who were way out ahead.

To see the other posts in this series click the links below….

http://chrisfieldblog.com/ministry/study-skills-1

http://chrisfieldblog.com/ministry/study-skills-2

http://chrisfieldblog.com/ministry/study-skills-3

http://chrisfieldblog.com/ministry/study-skills-4

Rejection 15 – Keeping a Distance

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Another self-preservation routine which rejected people can fall into is that of Keeping People at a Distance. Similarly to what we saw in the last lesson, where people put a fence around their heart, people can also put a fence around their life.

Since people have caused pain to a rejected person, they can become afraid of people, or certain types of people, and put up barriers to keep such people at a distance.

The picture I use is simply of someone reacting to the approach of a new person. I have depicted the new-comer as someone who is confident and friendly, since that kind of person is a high risk contact in the eyes of a person trying to avoid others.

Reject 15 Distance

Avoiding People

Some rejected people choose to avoid contact with other people as much as is possible. Some find that just about any contact with people is highly stressful for them, due to fear of rejection or the like. In such cases those people can seek out reclusive lifestyles, where they are able to keep people at a distance.

This doesn’t mean that every recluse is deeply rejected. But an isolated location, back-room job, quiet keep-to-myself lifestyle and head-down routine can be protective patterns for those who wish to avoid people. At times, when back room people are called on to a more public setting, such as assisting in a sales negotiation, reporting to the board, or receiving a public honour for work performed they can be quite uncomfortable. This may be from simple lack of practice in such settings, but it can also reflect that fact that this kind of public situation is the very thing they have studiously avoided.

Selective Avoidance

Some people keep certain kinds of people at a distance. If they have been put at disadvantage by loud and forceful people, then they may selectively avoid those kinds of people. When someone like that turns up in their environment they seek to get away.

Selective avoidance can be directed to certain individuals, such as a bossy mum or angry dad, or the parents in general. It can be directed to certain classes of individuals, such as authority figures, women, macho men or overly confident individuals.

Selective avoidance springs from the fact that certain people, representing a class of people in the mind of the victim, have caused them pain. Possibly their parents rejected them. Possibly authority figures humiliated them. Possibly girls embarrassed them. Possibly men imposed themselves upon them. Possibly certain people mocked them.

Whoever and whatever caused them pain can be chosen for selective avoidance.

Closed Close Circle

Most people have a close circle of friends and associates who they feel most at ease with. For most people that close circle is open to include new members from time to time. However, for a person who seeks to avoid people they will keep their close circle as closed as possible.

If one of their close contacts tries to introduce someone new, the rejected person can resort to formal and non-open communication, keeping the new-comer at an emotional distance.

People with a closed close circle are very hard to reach out to. They will not accept new offers of friendship and may even take years to finally relax with people who they work with or who have joined their family or circle of connections.

The Rebuff

If it is not possible to be isolated from people, or if people invade the space of someone trying to avoid new contacts, one possible response is to rebuff invaders.

Rebuff represents the emotional barrier. It is a strong “You are not welcome” signal. It is an emotional barricade against those who try to enter the private space of another.

Some people are downright rude to people they meet. They are happy to offend, since that will keep the other at a distance. Some are so lame in their responses that they signal quite clearly, “I am not interested in meeting you or getting to know you”. Some simply ignore the new person, as if they are not there or not worthy of recognition.

A rude person is most often left to themself, which may be exactly where they want to be. If they are avoided by others it saves them having to avoid anyone. They can get on with life, without the unwelcome task of relating effectively with others.

Trapped by Pain

Sadly many of those who reject others, seeking to avoid dangerous contact, really long to be contacted and to be in the happy, open relationships they see others enjoy. Their problem, however, is that they are trapped by their pain. They are caged in a lifestyle which they cannot unlock.

They may sit quietly in a public place, such as a lunch-room at work, keeping to themselves as they hear the laughter and banter of others who are free to relate happily with others. While they may project disdain, it is only their pain that is talking. In their heart they would love to have the freedom which others find so easy to enjoy.

Family Pain

Sadly, these rejected people, who reject others due to their own insecurity, become perpetrators of rejection. Each person they avoid is a victim of their own rejection of that person. So the victim becomes a perpetrator, just by trying to survive their own victim situation.

In my book, Family Horizons, I explain that some families carry generational issues which are passed down from parent to child, generation after generation. I label this condition “Family Pain”, because the pain is successfully passed down the family line.

A rejection victim becomes a perpetrator of rejection upon their own children. Their own closed world and personal limitations impacts their children in various forms of rejection. Thus the next generation carries the pain on to the third generation, and so on it goes.

Glorious Liberty

Having been a rejection sufferer and personally encountering many of the things I describe in this series of lessons I have come to love a particular term from the Bible. The Apostle Paul spoke to the church at Rome about “the glorious liberty of the children of God”.

“Because the creature (creation) itself will also be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.” Romans 8:21

When I was released from the caged life which strangled me internally (even though I appeared confident outwardly) I began to enjoy levels of personal freedom (liberty) which I thought I would never experience. So I love the idea of “glorious liberty”. It is my delight to enter into it and to explore it.

Captives Released

One of the ministries of Christ, under the anointing of the Holy Spirit, is to set prisoners free. This is a wonderful privilege for all those who are trapped by rejection. Christ will open the prison doors to the cell that keeps you locked up on the inside. He will lead you out into the freedom for which you were created.

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is on me; because the LORD has anointed me to preach good tidings to the meek; he has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD (that’s the Year of Jubilee release), and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint to them that mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1-3

I encourage you to take heart and to press in to Him, for the release from the prison of rejection, into the glorious liberty of the children of God. I have been there and done it, so I know it is absolutely possible for you.

Toward the end of this series I will present a discussion of the process by which God set me free through His overwhelming love.

My Princess Be Valuable

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Sweetheart, you need to make a clear distinction between being “beautiful” and “valuable”. I want you to be extremely valuable. Let me tell you why.

God created you to be protected, and as your daddy, it is my responsibility to guide you in paths that will keep you safe, even once you’ve grown into adult life. That’s why I want to explain the difference between being ‘beautiful’ and ‘valuable’.

Women Have Value

God created women to be highly valued. Women have great value and a godly woman is highly prized. The worth of a “virtuous woman” is more than precious jewels (Proverbs 31:10).

The objective of every young woman should be to rise to her highest value. I want you to be so highly valued that everyone recognises that you are among the most special women in the world. It is up to you to create and to maintain that value, so your husband, your children and all you come in contact with will know that you are a rare and most valuable person.

Beauty Cheapens Women

It sounds wrong to say that beauty cheapens women, but it proves to be true for many. Natural beauty, while it is a wonderful thing to have, causes a woman to be looked upon wrongly. A woman can have natural beauty, but also have an evil heart, a cruel tongue, a selfish attitude, an enslaved life and an unhappy future.

Yet if a woman has beauty others will give her credit for having character and worth, even if she does not have them. Lustful men will pay her attentions which will flatter her heart and give her power to manipulate others.

Beauty, on its own makes no guarantee of happiness, success, godly character, fulfilment or true value. That’s why I want you to focus on your value, not your beauty.

Proverbs warns us that “beauty is vain”, which means it does not guarantee anything. It has no lasting value in itself.

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD, she will be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

Beauty must be a secondary consideration, not a primary focus or distraction.

Character Before Beauty

If a woman has beauty, but not godly character, she will be tempted to become vain about herself, thinking she has value which she does not have. Some women seek to make themselves look alluring to men, as a way to give themselves value. They think that if men look at them or lust after them their value as a woman is confirmed.

King Solomon makes it clear that a beautiful woman who does not have character does not have value, but destroys the potential value she should have developed.

“As a jewel of gold in a pig’s snout so is a beautiful woman with no discretion.” Proverbs 11:22

Ugly Duckling

You will remember from the delightful play, “Ugly Duckling”, by AA Milne, that the princess was thought to be plain to all except the one who was to be her prince. This is a very good situation to be in.

The Princess had been under a spell by a caring godmother, to look plain until her wedding day. This was done because the godmother “didn’t want me to grow up spoilt and wilful and vain, as I should have done if everybody had always been saying how beautiful I was.” “The best thing in the world was be quite sure of yourself, but not to expect admiration from other people.”

By being thought of as the Ugly Duckling, even though she was really quite beautiful, the princess was able to explore life without distracting concerns about her beauty, or of having to deal with shallow attentions from those who only saw her beauty.

The Prince saw both her beauty and the delight of who she was as a person. That’s an ideal situation.

Remember, you will only have one husband. He is the only one who need think of you as beautiful. If everyone else pays you no attention for your beauty you will be spared the process of being cheapened by the cheap self-interested attentions of shallow men.

Find Your Value

Girls who fear that they may not have real value will easily become sidetracked by their attempts to look attractive. They will focus on their external appearance rather than their internal worth.They will compare themselves with other women only in terms of appearance, not in terms of character.I don’t want you to do that. I want you to find your full value and live it to the full.

Find your value by being a woman of God. Be a virtuous woman, for there are too few of them. There are so few of them that all who fit that description gain the highest value.

If you find your heart being drawn away to thoughts of your own beauty or your power to attract  attention from men, then you are in danger of losing your true value.

Be a woman who fears God.

I have more to say about this topic, but I’ll save that until next time.

Note: These “My Princess” posts are for all those young ladies who are preparing for their adult future. I am writing them with my own daughter in mind, so they come from my heart and contain matters that I consider very important. Dads are welcome to use these articles with their own family, and young ladies are welcome to look for them to receive godly counsel they might not find elsewhere.